She has been dating since the breakup. How do I view this???

[coldheart]

Just to give you guys a brief recap... I was on here 2 weeks ago grieving about my mutual breakup and the fact that my ex had taken a strong step in the opposite direction (moving on without looking back, no resentment, no sadness, no anger... NOTHING), and how I was feeling guilty and remembering the things I've could of made better in the relationship.

 

Well, I got some interesting news yesterday that gave me a little extra grief, but a world of closure and relief at the same time. My ex from nearly 2 years together, has been dating since the breakup. My take on this is that she obviously had a something in the backburner waiting, but it still depletes her image as a lady.

 

I am very shocked at the news since she was the most honest girl I have ever been with, and never displayed any signs of infidelity or a "side plan". I guess she took my breaking up with her as a golden ticket, since she was probably figuring out a way to do it herself for days, weeks, and probably even months...who knows. I don't think the idea has hit me yet, but I want to be prepared for when it does, I can handle it.

 

Thanks for all your help guys!

CH

[arwen]

Hey coldheart,

 

I think this will indeed give you the closure you are already experiencing. I have been through exactly the same, with an ex of 4 years. We had ups and downs, and during a break up he had fallen in love with another girl. Still, he got back together with me (I didn't KNOW this of course, but it became clear in the months we were together). He refused to label us as being in a relationship, but we were the same as all those years before. He plainly used me to get over her, in retrospect.

 

I went abroad for half a year, and decided never to get back with him anymore. When I got back, we met, and he never told me anything about that girl. I learned via another person that he was in a relationship with her, and learned months and months later that he had already been in a relationship with her while I was abroad.

 

And surprisingly, it didn't really upset me. I was angry, but I now KNEW that he wasn't the one for me. He had screwed that up so badly that my whole image of him changed. We still very occasionally meet. He has been depressed over this whole issue, because it made him feel really low about himself. I on the other hand, felt free.

 

I hope it will be the same sort of psychological/emotional process for you. Of course it bites that she dated someone right after you and her broke up. But it will also eliminate any desire to be in a relationship with this woman. And it's in my belief this desire that makes it all so difficult.

 

Take care!

 

Ilse

[annie24]

Well, I got some interesting news yesterday that gave me a little extra grief, but a world of closure and relief at the same time. My ex from nearly 2 years together, has been dating since the breakup. My take on this is that she obviously had a something in the backburner waiting, but it still depletes her image as a lady.

 

I wouldn't necessarily take it that way. She could be in just as much pain as you and just needs to date to make herself feel better. An hour after my last breakup, I went straight to the computer and signed myself up for dating sites.

[RayKay]

Hey coldheart,

 

It might not necessarily be because she had something on the backburner, but more of an attempt to just patch up the pain, like an attempt to put a bandaid over a gaping flesh wound. Then again, maybe it was a side plan, if she really had been considering breaking it off for a while, knowing there was something there for her after may have helped make her decision 'easier'. I don't know.

 

I know that certainly does not change it for you though either way really. And I have been there too! It hurts, but for me it was also great incentive to move on once I found out. I had been holding off on moving on not to jeopardize any "chances" and to keep the hope alive of reconciling, but when I found out my ex was dating and sleeping with others, it spurred me to stop thinking of him anymore, and move on for me.

[Firequeen]

Well I've been that girl before so I can give you my advice - they probably knew eachother when you were together but as soon as you split up she went to him to try and block out the pain and because she didn't want to be alone. When you've been with someone a long time you can become dependant and feel like you need someone there immediately to fill that gap. Chances are she isn't that bothered about him and isn't really over you.

[coldheart]

Thanks for the all the replys guys. I think I am just going to avoid putting any more mind to it, and will just move on. No reason to be worked up over someone or something that could not care less (Or at least shows that they could not care less) about me right now...

 

CH