his moving to sydney, and i dont know what i am to him

[steff]

ok, so i actaully started to trust this guy, and well we slept together, but i black out and have panic attacks during sex, so he started saying he doesnt want to have sex with me, now he isnt talking to me pretty much at all, and is also moving to sydney, which is just that state above me, because im in Melbourne, but thats not the point. the point is, i wanna know if he was only with me for sex... he seemed really nice and caring and like.... a real gentalmen. and i know i should just get over it, but i feel like such a * * * *. he meant everything to me, because ive just moved out of home and he used to come over all the time, and just drop in, and make me happy... but when he goes i wont have anyone to drop in and stuff....

 

i guess what im asking, is if anyone has any ideas about how to get over someone....im not asking for it to be fast, but for the strength. i always tell myself that im not going to call him.... 2 days later im dialing his number.... someone give me the strength to let go and forgive myself

[robowarrior]

Ok, if we (just in theory) had sex with eachother, and you would start having panic attacks. I would run away from you SO hard you would not believe. Put yourself in his shoes, would you enjoy your bf not being able to get an erection because he is in complete panic when he is with you? Sex plays an important part in a relationship, but you have to relax too you know. Its supposed to be an enjoyable event, its also a sensetive event , so if you act weird at that time, it would really freak any guy out.

 

Really the problem is not with him, its with you. I would seek psychiatric advice for consultation on your panic attacks during sex. Its abnormal.

[Markers]

oh well, panic attacks during sex would seem like: "sex with you makes me panic." and that's not a good thing.. it could have been a dealbreaker to him. He might have simply not been able to take someone freaking out because it tells to him: "I don't enjoy having sex with you". Dumping you because of that doesn't mean he was with you just because sex as that kind of things really hurt the trust between you, and it could have ruined everything.

[PRSOV]

Robowarrior, what you say is a fair point but I think it is a little harsh. I believe that maybe if he actually cared a little bit more than just sex he could have helped and encouraged her 'with' and 'through' this problem... what the hell good does running away do? one mile or 403?..

[NJRon]

Hmm. While sex isn't the be-all end-all requirement, if it's not there, especially in the early stages oif a relationship, I can see why someone would not follow through with wanting to establish a stronger relationship. Combine that with the growing distance and, also, the fact that I assume he is rather young (since you are 18 ), and maybe he's just not prepared to invest himself so emotionally. It doesn't mean he was in it for the sex, but can mean that he is in it for the whole and, if one is missing, then he's not prepared to handle it.

 

Work out your issues and find someone who's willing to work with you and invest themselves.

[steff]

his 25, and he knows the panic attacks are from years of rape, so he understood that, and helped me to get better after each one, and got me into theropy and stuff