he hasn't been returning my phone calls......is he not interested?

[tykiela]

hi all, Is it a bad sign in the relationship when my boyfriend is no longer returning my phone calls? This has been going on for about the last three months. He use to call me almost everyday and lately I have noticed that he only calls me about once every two weeks. At first I didn't realize that I was the one doing all the calling. I just figured that he didn't like to talk on the phone much so I was always the one calling him. So I thought I wouldn't give him a call for about a week a see what happens. Could he be losing interest?

[Goodfun88]

Well that doesn't sound very good. How often do you see each other? Is he acting differently when you guys are together in person? Maybe he is losing interest, or maybe he has just gotten used to you doing all the calling. Good luck!

[annie24]

yeah.... that doesn't sound like a really good sign. what happens when you don't call him? would you ever hear from him again?

[Tigris]

I'm sorry but I think he is losing interest. Maybe he's hoping he doesn't have to do the dumping? He probably thinks the longer this goes on the more 'fed up' you'll get and do the job for him.

 

I think you deserve someone better.

 

Good luck and take care.

[shorty20]

I've learned in relationships that your instincts are usually right on the target. How long have you guys been dating? Are you exclusive? Keep in mind as relationships progress, the phone talking gets less naturally because there's not as much to talk about and there's not that initial high you get. But, if he's starting to act shady and not want to hang out as much or call you as much, you may want to address this with him. Don't sound accusing or anything just be like "hey, whats up? I've notcied you haven't been calling as much... should I be worried?" and then just take his word for it. If he says no, then I guess what you have to decide is if he gives you the attention that you need? If you can't deal with only hearing from him once every week or two then it may be time to move on... use your best judgment. Good luck!

[zpivat]

Hi tykiela,

 

I know exactly how you feel. If I were you, I'd ask him about it, in a friendly, warm, non tense manner of course.

[tykiela]

I did ask him what was up and he said he just doesn't have anything to say. I asked him if he didn't want me to call him anymore I wouldn't. But he said he wanted me to call him. We have been together for almost three years. The relationship is a long distance one now. When I go to visit him he spends all his time on the computer and doesn't give me to much attention. But then when I leave to go home. He tells me that he wishes he could see me more. so i don't get him sometimes.

[annie24]

it doesn't sound like you're getting very much from this relationship. you are putting in time and effort, but not getting the same in return. do you think it's maybe time to put an end to things?

[shorty20]

I agree with Annie... you deserve better and someone that is going to appreciate and reciprocate the effort you put into a relationship. I'd say it's time to move on hun... find someone better who will appreciate you!

[kellbell]

Never put in more than you what you get in return. It is not fair and it is draining to say the least.

 

It sounds like he has totally taken you and this relationship for granted. I am not sure if you talked to him about how you feel or not but maybe talk to him about your feelings. Not just about the phone calls but about his computer time and not coming to see you. Some people just need a good kick in the butt to wake up. But if you have talked to him about to no avail, then maybe it is time to move on.

 

Good luck with everything and take care.

[Skippy]

Never put in more than you what you get in return. It is not fair and it is draining to say the least.

 

Just wondering if a relationship ever go further if you are always measuring how much you give out?? I have never gone into a relationship doing this and i am wondering if it works for you, cos maybe a few of us should start taking your advice.

[eleanorrigby1]

I had a similar experience when I was younger. I thought I was head over heels inlove with the guy and it devestated me to see his interest dwindle. My mum said to me "He knows where you are if he wants you" so I didnt ring him, and he didnt ring me so I concluded that, he didn't want me.

 

A whole month passed and then one day my friend comes to me and says "I bumped into [guy] and he said you guys broke up and he wants his stuff back" I was so upset, we didnt even officially break up, we didnt even have an argument, he just never bothered to ring me again.

 

I got all his 'stuff' together, put it in a bag and gave it to my mate and I didnt see or hear from that guy for about a year when I bumped into him and his new girlfriend at a party. It stung but I am glad I didnt lose my self respect over him, by ringing him.

 

So take my advice: Dont ring him - He knows where you are if he wants you.

[kellbell]

Skippy,

 

I did not mean measuring anything but if one keeps putting in way more than the other, then it gets exhausting and one may feel taken for granted. Like the example of the original poster. She calls ALL the time and he does not. Both partners should be calling equally or close to that. And his reasoning was kind of lame. Well there are other ways to show interest other than calling. He does not seem to be doing anything. That is what I was trying to get at in my first post.

[Skippy]

kellbell,

i think you took me the wrong way, what i am saying is, i have been burnt by doing what the poster did. I suppose i should start holding back.

Sorry if my post reads in a bad way, didnt mean it that way.

[kellbell]

Skippy,

 

I did not see your post in a bad way at all. Just clarifying my choice of words is all.

[Momene]

hi all, Is it a bad sign in the relationship when my boyfriend is no longer returning my phone calls? This has been going on for about the last three months. He use to call me almost everyday and lately I have noticed that he only calls me about once every two weeks. At first I didn't realize that I was the one doing all the calling. I just figured that he didn't like to talk on the phone much so I was always the one calling him. So I thought I wouldn't give him a call for about a week a see what happens. Could he be losing interest?

Haven't read all the replies but I would actually ask him if he still wants to be with you. I don't think you'll like the answer.

 

Good luck.

[Rabican]

well if you call him every day... then he really doesnt need to call you. Dont take this as an insult, but if he expects your call every day when he gets home from work... then hell probably wait for your call, not call you.

 

That said, if you dont call him, and he still doesnt call you... id wonder whats up. When you do talk, how are things? Is he short & distant or does he WANT to talk to you?

 

You could always just mention, hey man I noticed that im the one always calling you, you wont catch a cold simply from calling me so whats up?

[Tigris]

If he loved you he would make sure he spent every second with you.

 

I think you deserve someone who will treat you right.

 

I hope you find them soon.

 

Good luck

[Momene]

If he loved you he would make sure he spent every second with you.

 

I think you deserve someone who will treat you right.

 

I hope you find them soon.

 

Good luck

I used to agree with you on the first point but don't any more. Relationships that are all-consuming like that tend to burn and die quite quickly. It's far better to have some balance, like have some friends or hobby once a week (or more for some people) where you're not joined at the hip. Once the initial novelty wears off, you wish you'd kept in touch with family and friends.

 

In this case, I think he should spend MORE time or he's one of these extremely independent people who could only work with another independent type of girl. The Mrs and I are more clingy than average but not obsessively so.