I've got a thing for a married man

[Celadon]

Yes, it's sad but true. I have a growing crush on a man who is married.

 

The worst thing is that I like him and he's married, the second worst thing is that I can't get help from my friends with this insane crush because I'm too ashamed to tell them about it.

 

I wish I could get over this, but I feel chemistry with him. We see each other fairly regularly, always in a group setting. I just plain old like talking with him. I like his sense of humor and we share certain interests.

 

As a single woman, I've had a hard time finding someone I feel compatible with. So I end up thinking about this guy and looking forward to seeing him.

 

I have NO INTENTION of getting into a relationship with this man. I am completely open to dating single, available guys. I just haven't found anyone who even comes close to getting my attention like this guy has.

 

My problem is I'm starting to feel uncomfortable trying to "control" this crush. I don't believe it's in my best interests in any way to continue liking him. Is my only hope to get out on more dates so I can forget about him??? Help.

[poopy_guy]

stay away. that's bad news.

[AwdreeHpburn]

K8tie, I think its fine to have crushes on people, that's no big deal. And sometimes its fun to get caught up in the fantasy or infatuation of a crush. But like poopy guy so succinctly put it, I agree you should stay away. Keep the fantasy fun and then find some one who's available.

[coollady1957]

Yeah stay away from the married man. It is only goig to cause alot of unwanted troubles for everyone if you were to pursue anything beyond a crush.

 

Yes get out and about and date more and get your mind off this man.

[renaissancewoman101]

I would advise NOT getting involved with a married man because all it is going to lead to is your heart getting broken. The married man has the best of both worlds, a wife at home and a woman on the side. You get the short end of the stick and will always be left wanting, yearning, and waiting. That is NOT a fun position to be in.

 

There are lots of single guys out there, go after them. Maybe you want the married man because he is taken and there is the pull of wanting what we cant have.

 

Good luck.

[keenan]

Try to ride the crush out. They usually die a natural death if you don't act on them.

[Lily04]

I was in the same position last year... just really felt a connection with this guy who was married... I think he did too and tried to keep his distance with me as well. I would just suggest dating other people, as hard as that may be... maybe join an online dating service? haha. that's what I did, 'cause I just found it way too hard to meet guys I was interested in... I think I remember reading that you had the same problem, you're usually into older guys but it's hard to meet them. AND even if you develop friends with them that's ok as well, it may open up opportunities. Actually, I met a guy who is a law student at my school on that site... he originally wanted to date me but we both figured we're not so compatible... but he has invited me to a party that's mostly for grad/law students. So I may meet some people there... part of it is just knowing where to hang out i think. going to bars/clubs just doesn't really do it for me unfortunately, most of the guys there I find just want easy sex which I'm not into...

 

So I'd suggest just forgetting about this guy. That might be hard though, so how to do that? Try developing crushes on other guys, dating other people, and hopefully your mind will wander away from him. Or immerse yourself in another activity (i.e. school) to forget about him.

 

hth,

 

Lily

[behappy]

my dear this is dangerous- take it from me AND I HAVE HANDS ON EXPERIENCE- i worked with a married guy and after 8 months of seeing him every day we both developed feelings and very deep feelings for each other- it wasnt until he stuck his tongue down my throat and he lifted my top up and tried to kiss my .... that i woke up to myself and pulled him off and said- WHAT THE HELL ARE U DOING- believe me sweety= the scar it left on me will stay with me for the rest of my life- plse plse get out whilst u can- go to speed dating- go date - u can find someone..join a single website- plse dont do anythang- u may destroy a marriage -BUT REMEMBER U ARE NOT A BAD PERSON OK

[calgaryguy]

Dont Do IT! period.

[friscodj]

You can't control your feelings but you can control what you do with them.

 

I ask you to put yourself in this man's wife's place. How would you feel if you were her and this situation arose?

 

He's taken. Period. End of story. Have some class and stay away from him. There are plenty of top-notch available men out there...

[Momene]

This may sound like the coward's way out but the best way to get over it is physical distance. I got over my first mariage by moving 50 miles west and I had a crush on a girl at work but, being married, didn't follow it up. She went to work overseas and I got over it.

 

Being friends only makes it worse.

[Mt1963]

Run! Run screaming from the building! Been there, done that, and all it gets you is your heart broken into a million pieces. Don't be like me--took me 3 times in 23 years (long story!), being suckered in by the same guy ("you're my soul mate...I can't leave because of my kids...I love you, but...") to figure it out! I'm still in a shambles from it, as it's only been a couple of months since I broke it off for good. THEY NEVER LEAVE THEIR WIVES, kids or no, money or no,...so don't believe them. Doesn't sound like you're at that point, thankfully, but try to learn from others' mistakes. I thought this guy was the end-all, be-all--we shared what I thought was a rare connection, but I was so wrong!

 

Good luck, and be strong!

[Celadon]

Thanks everybody for your advice and words of wisdom. Exactly what I needed to hear. No, I *don't* want to get involved with him or get my heart broken or cause problems with his wife. I really appreciate some of you sharing from your own experience, even though it sounds like it was really really painful. I will take your advice.

 

I will also try to get out more and meet new guys. *sigh* It's tough sometimes. I've tried internet dating, and nothing really came of it. But I suppose I can try again. Bottom line is, I need to try and think about someone else and not get sucked in any further. Wish me luck. It'll be tough, because we do share some things in common, but I know the stakes are too high not to distance myself. Thanks again everyone.

[keenan]

Good for you! Good luck, K8tie.

[Skippy]

As everyone says .. Stay away!! The way to get over it is NC.

Dont meet, don't see, dont hear and Don't talk!!

 

See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil!! cause no evil.

 

Think of it this way, if you get into it, you are the evil one!! b'coz you are hurting a marriage and a child.

 

Avoid seeing him physically hiim at all cost!! but you can have fantasies of him. fantasies are fantasies as long as they remain there.

[Lily04]

I'm happy that you're not disillusioned and think you can have him. That is good. I'd suggest, like others have, to distance yourself from him if being friends is too hard (as I would assume) and find other men. That is what I did and it worked out. I'm sure it will for you too.