comppackage Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 My ex and I have been spilt for a month and a half now, some of you know the story- a push pull type of thing, but now it is finally over- for me... Anyway, anytime I have tried to end it peacefully (i.e. saying things like "maybe we can be friends one day" or "we both want different things, so let's let this be because I want us to both be happy one day.") He either won't respond, or won't accept that I am trying to be mature about ending things... HE IS THE ONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS, he intiated breaking up- he doesn't want to commit to me, so why won't he be mature about ending it???? Link to comment
comppackage Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 I just don't understand why he won't wish me well, when I have wished him well, and he is the one who is breaking my heart! Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Forget about him and go no contact. He's playing games with you and playing along with him will only prolong that heart breaking feeling. You've done all you can, and you've been mature about it so the rest is up to him. If he can't do that, oh well, its really not your problem anymore. Good luck to you and stay strong! Link to comment
comppackage Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 i know, i am going NC for sure, but it would be so nice to know and easier if he would just wish me well, you know? It hurts more like this... i mean, by ex from high school even wished me well... why is he doing this/ Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Its hard to say really. He sounds really immature. Seems like he might be trying to keep his control over you by not letting you go in a mature fashion. But who knows what he's thinking. Thats why its best to just know that you did all you could and that him not wishing you well is all on him, and not on you. You did the right thing and left the relationship in an adult manner, and if he wants to be silly, then thats his right. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 stop trying to be his friend and move on.... Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I just don't understand why he won't wish me well, when I have wished him well, and he is the one who is breaking my heart! Its sounds like your the one who is having trouble letting go. i dont know of any relationship where people sign a contract other than pre-nups saying this must happen, that must happen when we break up. If he doesnt want to wish you well thats HIS choice. Now start making your own choices and quit relying on him to make the choices. Deal with it. Link to comment
Karibo Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I know what you mean. I was in a relationship with a guy for only six months and he wouldn't commit to me but would always reel me back in and we were totally in a push-pull kinda thing. Now we've been split up for one and a half years and he is still trying to reel me back in again after all this time!!! you just gotta do the no contact thing and ignore him if he tries to talk to you. I've learnt from this experience that even the littleist of contact still gave him hope and made him think i would come running back again, so i just told him straight that nothing would ever happen between us again. you can read about this in my earlier post - "I can't take this anymore". Link to comment
kellbell Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Hi there, I was just looking over your other posts and I am glad you decided to end things once and for all with this guy. I mean, he cheated on you. Sheesh. He is a dud. Continue with the NC...do not repsond to his texting and emails. Eventually, he will give up and leave you alone. I know this can be hard because you want to move on but at times like this, is when you need to be strong for your own sake. BTW...IMO, I would NEVER want to be friends with an ex whom cheated on me. Good riddance. Link to comment
Mun Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I think the best thing is for you to accept that he will not wish you well and let him be. Maybe what you would have wanted is an apology at the very least? I understand how you feel..... The thing is that you can never get someone to respond the way YOU want because we each have our own way of dealing with things--or at least it is very hard to get someone to do something...they have to WANT to do it. You seem to know what you want, committment---and I'm guessing a faithful boyfriend?Remember that and look forward. Looks like it will have to be you who ends it. ~~~~~ Link to comment
comppackage Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Thanks for all the great advice. I received an email from him yesterday, asking me if it was ok for him to attend a charity event where my brother in law is playing in a band... i forwarded him the invite last week, when I thought we might be getting back together... THE EVENT IS IN MAY! I haven't responded, but why won't he just let this go... should I ask him if he has changed his mind? btw-- It ended up that he didn't cheat on me... at least I found that out. made me feel somewhat better Link to comment
kellbell Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 In any case, I would ignore his emails. Can't you block them or have them sent directly to the trash? If this bothers you so much...I would consider blocking his address. Link to comment
comppackage Posted March 25, 2006 Author Share Posted March 25, 2006 So, he sent me an email that said the following: I am so sorry about everything... I guess I am not ready to give you what you want right now. It's too bad, because I would still like to see you, but I completely understand that you can't do that. Maybe I will wake up one day soon. So, that's it! I didn't respond, no need... guess I feel a little better that he apologized, but why give me false hope? Link to comment
Mun Posted March 26, 2006 Share Posted March 26, 2006 Sorry, but what false hope? He is saying he knows what you want and can't give that to you but would like to keep seeing you---most likely that whole no strings attached way. If you are not into it then hey, he is being decent enough to acknowledge you want different things and will leave you alone. At least that's how I interpreted the email.... Look, I had an ex that I cared about years ago...and I let him go because we too wanted different things...so I walked away. It took a long time but me guy and I are now very committed. I think it's always best to hold out for what you want even if that means letting go and moving on. Having standards means you never let yourself down. I personally know it just sucks when you give into something that just isn't you--it breaks you in the end because you know you wanted more but settled...its your call Link to comment
comppackage Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 what i meant by false hope is his last line, "maybe I will wake up one day soon" Mun, you got back together with the same guy who wouldn't totally commit? He has asked me several times to just "see" him, but i could never give myself half way emotionally. I could never just date him after being in a serious relationship with him for 6 months... But, sometimes I go back and forth on this-- should I have said yes, i'll see you sometimes on my terms? I don't think I could ever do that... i know I deserve so much more. Link to comment
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