major downer today

[cawls]

i recently split from my gf "she loves me but not in love with me"

 

she keeps giving me lots of different signals, she says she fancies me, she loves and cares for me and wishes we could have worked. But because i have let her down in the past the bad points are greater than the good points.

 

We have a child together and we are best friends but i have decided i can no longer be friends as i love her so much. She has asked for space to be on her own and do her own thing so i am going to give it to her.

 

I really want to get her back as i am so in love with her its unreal. I cant stop cryin, I have not eatin in 2 days.

 

She has said to me she has ot had time to miss me or think yet as we have spoken every day since the split "as friends". She said she cant say how she will feel in time but at this point she does not want to be with me.

 

I asked if there was a chance for the future and she said she didnt know. She said she has been under stress and there things she just does not know at the moment.

 

The bottomline is i want her back but just dont have any idea how to do it. I dont want to move on. I want my gf back.

 

I will definitely be having a relationship with my son, no questions asked.

 

i could just do with some support and guidence. I feel i can no longer cope and have already lost time off work.

 

My and the ex were together for 2 1/2 years and out child is 17months old. I just want to be a propper family with her and my son.

 

There has been things which i the past 2 1/2 years i regret such as (not moving out with her, not giving her the support she needs, taking her for granted) but now i have realised its far too late.

 

I am not even considering getting with any other girl. This oneis the one for me. I just need her to miss sharing things with me, miss me helping her, miss having drinks with her and also be the person i was when she first met me again (i have become stressed due to many factors such as work etc).

 

I hope this is possible to achieve. I feel at the moment its 100% over as she has said dont hold on to any hopes because she can not guarentee that we will get back.

 

Some things she has also commented on which baffled my head. I commented on that i was looking at houses and she said she would help me find a place, decorate,etc and maybe if thins work out she could move in. She also said that looking at the future without me is daungting, she misses me.

 

Some views is appreicated - .crying.

[J-2-F]

Hey Bud

 

I can sort of relate to your story as i am going through much of the same thing at the mo. I don't have a child with my ex but some really good times in the 5yrs we were together. The only advice that i can give you is NC, i know in your case it might have to be a little different as your child is involved but where you can NC is the best. I did it for only 4 days and then my ex phoned me just to say hi. You have no idea how good it felt when she phoned just to know that she is also thinking of me. It is the hardest thing to do but it does work, it leaves them wondering what is he up to now etc.

 

I just don't know how to go about it when there is a child involved.

Head up and don't keep naggin her for a relationship that definitely doesn't work it only pushes the ex further away - trust me being there done that.

 

Good luck hope it all goes well. Kepp me posted

[cawls]

i saw her today and i think i acted pathetic as i broke down and begged for one last chance (i know now i should not have done it and i hope to god i have not pushed her further away) while i was with her i rec'd a txt message from a friend and the ex asked who it was and looked at the phone...i think she was a bit worried who i had txting me. To be honest though i dont thinkshe has been happy for some time and i dont think the NC will work. I am going to give it a try though and will keep you posted. I removed her email addess from msn and her mobile no from my phone so if iget drunk i dnt end up saying something i regret.

 

I have decided i need to get a new hobby, spend time with friends and do tings for my self. I do want her back more than any thing though but at the moment i feel there is 101% no chance of me getting back with her.

 

Just hope the NC shocks her

[J-2-F]

Hey "cawls"

 

In my case NC has worked for me so far as to try and heal myself and become that person that i was when my ex and first met. But the thing is is that everytime she made contact with me asking me to come around i crumbled and went to see her and it just puts you right back at the begging again. I know how you feeling empty, "what do i do now" and all the other thoughts that go through your mind. I also had to take time off work - i work nights and they are so lonely there is nothing else on my mind but her. It really eats at you.

 

Just be strong and i hope for you things will work out, for me things are as over as though we never ever had a realationship but life takes a certain course for a reason and there is light at the end of each tunnel. When one door closes a better one will open - i try to believe this.

[cawls]

thanks guys for all the support.

 

i am going to stick at the no contact thing, only contact if its regarding my son.

 

I just hope that me not been around for her to share things with and ask me for help will hit her and make her think "i might have made a mistake here". One the other hand she has felt like this for some time so she probs wont miss me the way i want her to and the NC will help her move on easier.

 

I dont know i am so weak i cant eat (i am definitely not turning to drink though)

 

Just see how things pan out. I will always have a connection to this girl for the rest of our lives through my son so hopefully oneday things will work out

[BONO]

There are two ways you can look at it.

 

 

1) You have broke up, you have a son and you want her back but cant right now so your stuck, down and hate this feeling that is eating you away.

 

 

2) You have a common bond. Your son. As such contact with your ex has to happen (perhaps not right now because of the healing process that you have to go through and learn from)

 

 

There is nothing you can *say* to change her mind. Its her mind (not yours) and she has control of her thoughts which produce emotions resulting in actions.

 

 

 

However, I will say this. The thoughts you are having right now are normal and are producing emotions of being down. You can let these emotions drag you down and down and down. Negativity BREEDS negativity. FACT.

 

 

 

I have never met anyone yet who is attracted to down people. They feel sad for them and might want to cheer them up but they are not attracted to them.

 

 

 

So perhaps you need to look at it like this. You have around 50,000 thoughts a day, some good, some bad, some practical, some physical etc. These are thoughts and as such cannot hurt you. YOU have control over your thoughts (like your ex) and as such have the POWER to hold on to the good ones or the bad ones producing your emotions and thus actions that *could* get your ex back.

 

 

 

 

Make sense buddy ??

 

Also look at this thread from yeeeeaaaarrsssss ago

 

 

 

 

 

Scruff