kickedin Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 very shocking...at the local club..she asked me to sit down....talked for a few..kind of thought i sawher car and "followed her" which i didnt (mind you this place in 2 mins from my house and 15 from hers and i go there alot)...told me she was happy not being in a relationship just going out and having fun.....kind of flirtacious physically which was weird because she was a little cold verbally...we hugged a few times.....locked eyes like we were still in love....she noticed that i lost weight and was rubbing my arm.....i then was playing with her belly button ring...i then gave her my finger(lol) to bite as she always would before...she started to then kissed it....then realized what she was doing and would be weird again.....kind just said good bye because she didnt want to be rude to her friends(new ones ) so i walked back to mine.....she then came over to near where i was sitting most of all her friends left and then it was just her and her gf having an intense convo for like 30 mins...then she just jetted out the door when i had my back turned.....so who knows i am really confused because all she really said was i wasnt ready for a serious relationship i wanted to go out meet new people...and didnt want to have to worry about anything....there is more her and there but that was the jist of it and her physical actions werent matching up with the talk almost like she would catch her friends looking at her andrealize she has to snap out of it....any thoughts? she was trying to kind of argue with me and i wouldnt lose my cool, like she has this image of me that makes her keep away from me......i was so calm and collected Link to comment
MetalGuitar Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I kind of get the feeling that she was really controlling in your past relationship with her... Is that one of the reasons why you split up?? Don't lose your cool in front of her... but don't take her s**t either. Be firm in where you stand... If you're looking to start anew with her, well, my advice is to not be aggressive about starting over with her... let it progress slowly and naturally. I think that she may have some problems of her own to take care of and figure out, but do not let her take it out on you. Best of luck Link to comment
Bigbilly Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 In one form or another, she was just messing with you. You want a suggestion? Avoid meetings like this in the future. Stop following her into clubs, stop trying to read into everything. No talking on the phone, no physical contact, nothing. She chose to end it with you, so she doesn't get to keep enjoying your attention and physical contact while she gets to be free and single. I think she just enjoys knowing you're still into her while she gets to do whatever she pleases. It's manipulative and wrong. Do yourself a favor and institute strict NC. This includes occasions where she contacts you. If you find yourself face-to-face with her again, unintentionally, keep your cool and politely excuse yourself and leave. Make yourself too busy with more important things to be giving her this attention she craves. No good is going to come of this. Leave her off and move on. Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 i didnt follow her there and most likely she did like to play with my emotions.....so who knows i will not contact in anyway we just broke up in a bitter manner and i wanted to clear that air so i am glad we talked but just confused on how it went it could have went better and could have been way worse Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 My thought is to take her at her word: she is just having fun and worse yet, she was having fun with you. Look, don't you think if she was really interested in you she would make an concerted effort to contact you and tell you about it? My advice to you my brother is to forget this situation ever happened and try not to let it happen again in the future. She is totally messing with you. Stay away from this one! Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 you guys are right...she could have been nicer....but hey at least i got a little bit of civilty which was a big leap from last months viscious email....i dont understand why she didnt say goodbye? i will not contact her in anyway...it just sucks to see the one you love kind of choose to find herself partying over being with you....just a bucket of mixed emotions today but i feel good that we spoke..... Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 i dont understand why she didnt say goodbye? Because she lacks the class you deserve in a woman my friend...you are much better off without her... Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 i had a rough day yesterday and today......just keep thinking that the chemistry was all still there and the desire to be back in a relationship wasn't.......why did she try to argue with me about things that happened in our relationship...if she was so done with us...why say anything about it...i wouldnt argue with her which is what i think she wanted.....i haven't contacted her since we spoke and i keep telling myself if she cared or truly loved me she would have contacted me by now even after all the little flirting and touching......i just have this feeling she will contact me......soon it kind of sucks....it would have been almost easier if she was cold to me which would be a continuamce of our breakup tone..... Link to comment
richiet Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Dude, sorry you are having a rough time. The exact same thing happened to me 9 months after we split. She had got involved with another guy and had been living with him 600km away. She was supposed to spend Christmas with him but came back early and hated the place and they fought so much. She said she didn't even know what he was to her and that that she is just having fun now. When she called to meet up I also was off guard but went up to be a stubborn guy and to prove my metal. I was cool too. She was drunk and acting childish and plonked herself in front of me and wanted to talk about the relationship. I said to just leave it in the past and look forward, forget the bad, bitter breakup and remember the awesome stuff we did together. She insisted we chat and like you, when I indulged her she just brought up the past and was nasty to me. It was like trying to reason with a kid. On Christmas day I got and apology sms. What the other guys said is spot on. She is contolling and manipulative. She is also trying to pick a fight so you blow up and then she can say "See, I am right in leaving him!" As long as you remain cool, she doesn't get the satisfaction. She is probably young and thinks she knows everything whereas you sound like you have had some good life experience before. She needs to have a guy cheat on her or truly break her heart before she looks deep within her core and says "Who am I and where did I go wrong?". Then, and it may be a few years down the line, she will contact you and realise you were a catch. By that time you will not be thinking of her and will probably be married with a dog. This is exactly like my ex. Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 she is in her early thirties iam younger....she was married just got out of a divorce....so that was problem 1 i really think she wants to party because she never did...so i wouldnt give her the satifaction of arguing...... Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 You really should stay away from this woman completely until things cool down. Seriously, ignore any contact she tries to make with you. Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 You really should stay away from this woman completely until things cool down. Seriously, ignore any contact she tries to make with you. i am planning on staying away.....if i do see her it will be "hey how are you have a nice time" 10- 15 secs max just really screwed up after she led me on for a year and acted like she didnt want to be in it but was soooo in it.... that she could be bitter and nice at the same ...scary! anyway i am glad i did get to see her eye to eye.....for what it was worth setback or not.....if she truly cared she would have been nice and or contacted me in some form....she hasnt so be it......it hurts though bad...and of course i miss her Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Good man... This situation took a lot out of you AND you still miss the toxin. Believe me, I've been there. But once you take charge of yourself and get yourself back on your emotional feet, it's true you come back stronger, wiser, and more in tune with what you want and don't want in a mate. It'll take time, but you'll be fine... Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Good man... This situation took a lot out of you AND you still miss the toxin. Believe me, I've been there. But once you take charge of yourself and get yourself back on your emotional feet, it's true you come back stronger, wiser, and more in tune with what you want and don't want in a mate. It'll take time, but you'll be fine... its just the heart wants what it wants....the chemistry was always intense and it was there on sunday night...whether is was genuine who knows....i just really miss her and wish things were different but they are not.....dammm it Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 its just the heart wants what it wants....the chemistry was always intense and it was there on sunday night...whether is was genuine who knows....i just really miss her and wish things were different but they are not.....dammm it Believe me, I know exactly what you mean about chemistry. It's so frustrating to have something so intense and unbelieveable like that with someone and things just don't work out. Perhaps something you've never had with another human being in your life...but now it's gone...but the person remains... That's exactly why your best course of action is to stay away. Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Believe me, I know exactly what you mean about chemistry. It's so frustrating to have something so intense and unbelieveable like that with someone and things just don't work out. Perhaps something you've never had with another human being in your life...but now it's gone...but the person remains... That's exactly why your best course of action is to stay away. the best and probably the only thing...i guess i am looking for some hope that she would have remembere dwhat she had and done something about it but i guess she was just having a temporary re lapse while trying argue with me....what a mind game! i just wish i was strong enough to say no enogh is enough she gave up on our relationship and there is no second chance! no matter what....i just feel i will never be that strong because of how strong i feel for her Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 i just wish i was strong enough to say no enogh is enough she gave up on our relationship and there is no second chance! no matter what....i just feel i will never be that strong because of how strong i feel for her In time, that strength will come as your feelings for her fade. I guarantee it...just stay the righteous path of NC... Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 In time, that strength will come as your feelings for her fade. I guarantee it...just stay the righteous path of NC... i will continue you the no contact which should be easy since she broke it off and hasnt contacted me....just feeling like she may now since iwas different to her didnt fight and wished her the best........its hard to do no contact with someone you long to be with Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Time, my friend, time is the answer... Emotionally barricade yourself in the house and wait out the storm...the sun will shine again... Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Time, my friend, time is the answer... Emotionally barricade yourself in the house and wait out the storm...the sun will shine again... thanks man...really gratefull for your words...this girl meant the world to me and alot of people dont understand that and tell me move on get over forget her blah blah blah.....wish it was that easy Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 thanks man...really gratefull for your words...this girl meant the world to me and alot of people dont understand that and tell me move on get over forget her blah blah blah.....wish it was that easy I know what people say, I've been before where you are now. The thing is, you'll probably always remember this girl and what you had with her. You'll think about her and wonder about her too. But those memories need not be haunting or something to avoid. You can put your feelings away into a different place in your heart, a quiet place, like where you put an old photo album. In time, you'll get comfortable with them and you may even look back and laugh at the situation. I've done that before...never thought I'd be able to but it happens that way... You're right, it's not easy, and may be one of the hardest things you ever do in your life. I say you should face your feelings now, don't hide from or avoid them, suffer completely now, get it over with, and press on to bigger and better things with a clear head and heart. You'll be fine... Link to comment
kickedin Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 thanks i am trying my hardest Link to comment
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