I'm a broken man

[metal999]

It's been tow weels since my ex and I split and I feel like it's only getting worse, all I ever did was love her and try and build a future for the two of us. I'm having a real hard time with this NC thing I feel like I'm going through withdrawl for something. I mean all I think abou is her, I dream about her it's driving me nuts.

 

Five years together and she just up and leaves. I can't seem to get my head around this whole thing, I'm usually a very strong person but I can't seem to control even the simplest of things. I feel as though I'm missing a part of myself. And it hurts so much.

 

I haven't had anything to eat since we broke up and I'm starting to notice the difference in the mirror. This is driving me up the wall. I try to get out and the whole time I can't think of anything but her. I've tried to go out on a couple dates with a girl that I know is interested in me and I feel like I'm being unfair to her by thinking of my ex the whole time we're together.

 

I just don't know where to turn, I haven't had to deal with anything like this before and it's killing me. I hate to sound like such a dramaqueen but man if this isn't the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with.

 

Thanks for listening everyone, I really need to vent.

[Relationship Coach]

Metal,

You were together for 5 years! It's only been 2 weeks so don't expect to feel better yet. That's like a life long smoker quitting and two weeks later trying to run the Boston Marathon! You need a great deal of time to heal and get past this. I don't think dating right now is a good idea either. You need to nourish your body and get healthy, emotionally you are destroying yourself. I've been there trust me when I say this, you will get over her. I know it's hard to believe right now but you need to know that there are many like myself who have recovered and found something much better than what they had lost. You need to eat and find away to shift your focus back to you. Hobbies old and new will also help you move forward. Don't get discouraged so easy! You don't join a gym and a month later look like Arnold! Time and effort equal resolve. Don't lose sight of the fact that you still are emotionally attached to her and falling out of love is a slow and painful process but in the end you will be OK.

 

RC

[ElektraHere]

Hey metal999

 

I am sorry that you are going through this right now. It is the most painful stage you are at. I know you think about her but you really have to wrap your mind around other things and try and shove those thoughts and memories aside for now.

 

Breaking up is sort of like withdrawls you are experiencing the loss of something that could bring you pleasure and also pain. I am sure she didnt think one day "hmm I am gonna leave him today." It was probably something that was building up and either you were not paying attention to it or she was not honest enough to tell you her true feelings.

 

As for dating the girl who is interested in you I would stop that now. It will only bring one more person into this sad loop and you need to recover and get your bearings again. First things first pick yourself up and go and eat something preferably something that has nutrition if not eat something anything. Second you need to do things you would enjoy I know you cant think of enjoying anything right now but think do you like certain movies? If so go rent a bunch that are your favs. Do you read if so escape with a book. If you like video games then take out your frustration with the games.

 

NC is hard I know I am not good at it when I have been in your shoes although that can be the thing that saves you in the end. Be strong you can and will do this. Its a long road with many potholes right now but just know that on the horizon there will be smoother road ahead. Just keep looking forward and not back.

 

Good Luck

 

P.S. Use this forum as a venting place or when you get the urge to contact her write out your thoughts here.

[shamus]

hugs

 

we are all hurting. it is def over with my ex. 1 year, but i wanted to move in with her and marry her.

 

i've tried dating, but it has no appeal to me right now. every girl i talk to only reminds me of her. i keep thinking they are not her.

time will get you through this/ i will always love her, i gave her my heart, and it was crushed. but a piece of it will always be with her.

 

just know you are not along. i started lifting again, it helps, although at night the loneliness sets in. if i wasnt at her place, we'd talk on the phone. i miss hearing her voice.

one daywe will be stronger. right now my heart misses her, not the relationship, because that was far from perfect. but the good times and laughs will always fill me with warm memories

 

use these forums to vent. cry if yu need to, it does help. let it out

[brassplum30]

I'm so sorry you are going through this!

 

I've found, though, that not eating makes the situation way worse. Your brain loses the ability to function properly, so the bad thoughts running through your head are now going at 50 miles an hour, when, with food, they would slow down to an easier 10 (Not good, but certainly more manageable). Also, not sleeping will drive you crazy. I got just one good nights sleep out of about seven, but that really made a difference in my mentality the next day.

 

Buy some of those Ensure shakes until your stomach is up to solids again. Just chug it down. Without nutrients your hair will start to fall out as well. We don't want you depressed AND bald, do we?

 

I feel your pain. This is my second breakup with the same guy, but I know how to better take care of myself physically this time around (my hair started falling out, and I looked like the grim reaper on a really bad day the first time).

 

Day by day it gets easier. Chin up, and I hope you feel a bit better. So many ppl on here have fantastic advice to get you thru the hard times. Good luck

[Sadie2]

Hi,

 

So sorry to hear about your pain. I understand. i went through a divorce and actually a break up just yesterday with a boyfriend. Just take your time to grieve and know that even though the pain won't go away soon, it does get better...I PROMISE this.

 

But maybe instead of rushing into dating since it's only been 2 weeks maybe you could grieve alone for a while? Give yourself time to heal before jumping back into dating. It's totally normal for you to be thinking about her while out or on dates. And as far as your health...what you are going through is very much like withdrawal...so even if you don't feel like eating try to. And what helped me through my grieving persiod with my ex husband was having that one friend I could call and cry to whenever I needed to...I know it's easier for us girls to do that. But maybe your outlet could be writing about it here. And it doesn't make you a dramaqueen at all. You are in real serious pain here. Don't keep those strong feelings within you...let it out. It's ok. Cry on your own if you want to...but just let the sad feelings out and be ok with being sad...or crying. Allow yourself that. And it might be worth it to look into counseling. I know it's cliche but when I was going through my divorce it was the one place I felt really safe and not judged about whatever feeling I was expressing.

 

Most importantly...only death is permanent. But...I am not trying to give false hope here at all. It's just that this may have occurred for your greater good as an individual. For you to think and develop yourself....so you can live a fuller and happier life with or without anyone. In my darkest of pains i couldn't see that...but looking back I realize I had to go through all that pain in order to fully develop as a human being...hope it makes sense. Keep us updated.

 

Sadie2

[Danny H]

yes the pain is very real, I understand what you are saying, I like you hope that time will heal, I'm 4 months down the line, the pain is the same, or rather it started to ease but then I discovered she has been sleeping with a few people for quick fun.

 

that is what you have to prepare for if news filters back to you.

 

First the breakup pain, then the pain of discovering they are coping well and having fun.

 

To much thinking I'm afraid is the enemy here, what is needed is more " Doing"

i.e doing things that benefit you.

 

Eating well, sleeping well, gym.

 

I went on that regime for a month or two and felt great, like a fool I have fallen back into drinking not eating and pondering, and believe me, It don't work, because wherever you run, your memories come to.

 

Best face the pain, but don't spend hours thinking " what ifs".

 

If they enter your head fine, but now and then give yourself a break.

 

The negative thoughts can become kind of addictive, and they cycle to feed themselves.

 

Good luck, at least on here you are with people who know exactly how you feel

 

 

Dan