Commitment phobe!

[confused_soul04]

I think that I have committment problems. I am a 17 female and I make excuses a lot to get out of relationships or try not to start them at all. I have a guy now that really cares about me and I'm pushing him away! I don't mean to I think it is subconscious. I have seen posts on here before about this and I do all the things that they said committment phobes do. I really want to get married someday and I want it to be PERFECT! I want to have a perfect husband and no worries. I don't want to go out with anyone unless I know it will be perfect, but I can't let myself go out with anyone! I don't see how I'm ever going to find anyone if I don't give anyone a chance. I really want to give this guy a chance but I think I messed it up by playing mind games...how do I fix it? But the other problem is in the same token I'm scared to death of being in a serious relationship. I'm afraid every relationship that I jump into will be serious and I have never gotten to that before and I am scared to death of it because I, again, want it to be perfect and I don't know how to do that. How do you get over committment problems?

 

Example: about a year ago I became really close with this guy, we talked on the phone every night for hours. He always hinted around about going out and I hid my feelings...whenever it came close to him asking me out I stopped talking to him in all. I told myself that I didn't want to be with him because "I didn't feel that way towards him". He was an awesome guy and I did have those feelings for him. I pushed him away and he moved on he got a gf and it hurt me...we are actually still friends today and he has gotten over me. We hang out like everyday but it was ruined and we both have moved on. I don't think he feels that way towards me anymore but the thing is I missed something great up because I'm really afraid of being in a relationship.

 

I make up excuses like "we are too good of friends", "long distant relationships don't work" or "it would never work out between us". I don't want to do this with anyone else. Whenever I realize that a guy likes me back I stop liking him...but when he stops liking me I want him back. It's horrible I feel like a two year old! I also seem to "like" guys that I think don't like me and never will. I mean I think that I do it so I don't even have to try but I'm liking someone, and its something to do. I mean all of my friends get mad when I talk about guys period because they know that I never will do anything about it. They know that I could get a bf but I won't initiate anything with the guys I like. I just really like this one guy now and I don't want to mess it up anymore...what can I do to get over this? What if I keep missing great things? HELP!

[secret_agent_man]

I'm just speculating, but it sounds to me like the biggest problem is that, like you said, you want marriage and your husband to be "PERFECT". Something you will come to ralize is that it's never perfect, but it's what you make of it.

 

A commitment is something that you'll find is never a sure thing. Most rational people, even while walking down the isle are still saying "I hope I'm doing the right thing". My parents have been married for 30 years, and are wonderful together and committed forever, but my mother told me that she said that exact thing in her head on the day of the wedding. You have to realize that you never can tell what the future holds, all you can do is give it your best shot. Everyone feels heartbreak, and everyone looses out at least once or twice. It's just part of the territory. It's part of relationships. You'll also find that getting your heart broken hurts like nothing else, but it makes you a LOT stronger of a person.

 

Something you have to do is just give it a shot. You'll never find a happy marriage if you don't start it with an unsure relationship. No one ever knows how things will go when they start a relationship, but they know that true love is worth the risk...

 

Good luck, give love a chance!

 

S.A.M.

[jc_man_03]

well honey your in a bad perdicament well ill tell ya what prolly some thing you never really heard but dont think about it your tring to hard and planning to far ahead your head is in front of your ass but you ass anit followen ya got to not think about the perfect this and the perfect that cuz life aint going to be what you want and no matter how hard you try it will never go the special way you plan it to go im 18 and i have had over 100 girls that ive talked to and i never commit because i feel that its a waste of time and maybe you feel the same but your think of every thing that you want to happen and not what might happen you might just get the perfect relationship you want with this guy and all you have to do is tell him whats on your mind tell him how your scared of commitment and if you like him and he likes you he'll understand you sound like its trouble but your making it harder then what it seems all ya have to do is saw whats on your mind to him he'll respect it and he'll tell you how he feels and you'll respect it and dont think about getting into a relatonship think about making a friend to last a while

well i hope you get what you want but keep it real and just chill im out peace

[Indecisive1]

I know exactly how you feel. I am your lost twin! I felt like I was writing that post up there. The thought that I will end up with Mr. Wrong or Mr. I-had-no-choice-because-if-not-I-will-be-alone-forever or Mr. Almost Right completely FRIGHTENS me. I want to marry the "one" - I truly believe there is one person for every person out there (personal opinion) but how do I know that's my "one" ... everyone tells me "just take the risk" "don't find yourself saying shoulda coulda woulda" but I do! How do I know I am choosing the right one? What if I find out too late that he was not the "one"?? I never take the risk... I dont want to "break the friendship" ... I'm afraid of getting hurt but yeah the only way to ever know is to take the risk. Love is a risk. (I should be telling MYSELF this) LOL... what can I tell you? I, like you will eventually have to jump head-first *sigh*