Would this scare a guy off?

[Memi]

OK here's a little background...I work a few days a week with a guy who is 22, I'm 26. We've worked together for about 3 years, with just regular conversation, banter back and forth, and jokes, etc... We've never hung out outside of the job, but he is always saying the we have to hang out sometimes (but he never calls and actual does it). In the past year, he has made several allusions to "hooking up" with me with no strings attached, and now it's become an ongoing joke.

 

Now here's the thing...he's gorgeous and I'm starting to feel very attracted to him, and kinda wish he was serious about it. My friends seem to think that if I did wanna hook-up that he would totally go for it, but I fear that there's a possibility of being rejected...and I don't want that!

 

So my question is, do you think he would be scared off if I happen to call him and asked if he wanted to hang out. Do you think, from what I've told you that he would reject me and that all the flirting and joking was just that and nothing more?

 

I should add, that right now, that's all I'm looking for: a hook-up, I don't necessarily want to be in a relationship right now.

[DN]

Hard to tell - why not just go for it.

 

But be careful you don't start this out as a hook-up and then find that you want more and he does not.

[NJRon]

1. I am sure that, given what you have said, he would jump at the chance.

2. You work with him. Don't sh*t in your own backyard. (unless you are in the restaurant business... in which case it seems to be fair game)

[shorty20]

It's not like you have to be so blunt about it. He dosen't have to know that you're calling him for some booty, lol. Just call and be like "hey, I'm going up to ___ for a drink and just thought I'd ask if you wanted to join me"... then if he says he's busy or whatever say "ok, well maybe some other time" but after that it's up to him to make the next move. But you don't have to call him and be like, hey you want to come over and have sex no strings attached?? lol, now that would probably scare him off. Be subtle about your moves and then just let things go from there... good luck!

[melrich]

I don't think he would be scared off at all, I imagine it would be quite flattering. I'd say go for it. What's the worst that can happen.

[chai714]

That joking he's doing is actually flirting. Believe it or not, he's probably at least 1/2 serious about hooking up with you. Take the initiative and ask him if he wants to "hang out." It won't scare him off.

[no_bad_news]

If you want a hook up go for it....but don't ruin it with a random drunken hook up...as soon as that happens the flirting will end...I say invite him out...but don't act to into him...make him make the moves...if you want to get serious...

[Memi]

I called him last night. He had a movie that my friend had lent him and I wanted to see it (hey, it was the best excuse I could come up with!). I called him to see if he was done with it so I could borrow it...and he said that he hasn't seen it yet and that I could only watch it if I watch it with him at his place....again the flirting...so I asked him what time he'll be home (because he was out). At that point he got a little serious and said, "if you want though you can go get it my front door is unlocked." There was a little bit more flirting, but the conversation was over quick, with no invitation to hang out last night, nor any propositions for hanging out in the future....

 

...are you guys SURE that he seems genuinely interested? I've read that book "He's Just Not into You" and it seems like he's just not interested. Could our age difference possibly have something to do with it? Would he be embarrassed to hook up with a 26 year old?

[chai714]

...are you guys SURE that he seems genuinely interested? I've read that book "He's Just Not into You" and it seems like he's just not interested.

 

Forget about what that book said. Not all books are right - even textbooks have mistakes in them and this one certainly gives men a bad wrap. You need to forget about this book being the "guide" to guage whether or not a man likes you. He has continued flirting and believe me - men don't flirt or joke with women they have absolutely no attraction to. Are you flirting back with him?

 

You might say something like, "so you're gonna invite me to come over to your house when you're not home, and watch this movie all by myself?"

 

I used to joke with a classmate and say, "when are you gonna come over to my house so we can make out?" I was only half-joking, although it seemed as if I was completely joking. What happened? After about a month of joking, she came over and guess what happened?

[Memi]

I used to joke with a classmate and say, "when are you gonna come over to my house so we can make out?" I was only half-joking, although it seemed as if I was completely joking. What happened? After about a month of joking, she came over and guess what happened?

 

lol! That's awesome! Was it just a one time thing? Did it ruin the friendship you two had before? Oh, and why were you "half-joking"? Did part of you not want to make out with her?

[NJRon]

Yeah, I think that was the non-joking part that wanted that

[chai714]

lol! That's awesome! Was it just a one time thing? Did it ruin the friendship you two had before? Oh, and why were you "half-joking"? Did part of you not want to make out with her?

 

No, it wasn't a one time thing. Actually turned into a 5 year relationship, but that's how it began. Well, I say I was "half-joking" because I said it to her with a straight face and laughed after I said it but it was my way of flirting with her. Anyhow, work some flirting into your game with this guy.

[Memi]

I do try to flirt back a little...but he knows that I "go slow", so I don't really like saying suggestive things without having the experience, ya know? I don't want to be a tease to him. I do sometimes tell him that he looks sexy and cute... but there have been times when I say something like "leave your front door unlocked " and it seems like he totally shuts down, like the flirting all of a sudden stops. Which is why I'm getting mixed signals.

[NJRon]

If you want to hook up with him, then you aren't exactly being a tease by flirting.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Memi - he's joking because HE is inscure about YOUR level or seriousness. He doesn't want to appear over eager. If you never take him up on anything, he can just fall back on, "well, we were mostly kidding anyway."

 

I say Go For It chica!

 

Next time he half jokes about you coming over, joke back with, "gimme directions to your house." Or, "What time should I be there?"

[Memi]

And now for a (very weird) twist.... His friend actually just called me up and invited me out to hang out with him and some friends tonight. WEIRD! I mean, this guy has never called me before, although I knew he had my number because of work.

 

What in the world is going on????

[NJRon]

Wait... original guy.. let's call him... hmmm... Ignatius. Ignatius' friend... Norman.

 

Are you saying that Norman called you to hang out with Norman and Norman's friends? Or did he call you to hang out with Ignatius and friends?

[Memi]

Using the names you've given: Ignatius = The guy who flirts with me. Norman = the friend (who actually happens to be cute as well).

 

Norman (Ignatius's VERY GOOD friend) called me to hang out with Norman and his friends which I would assume includes Ignatius....but then again, he never even mentioned that Ignatius would be there.

 

I'm still going to go whether or not Ignatius is there...but it's just so weird.

[NJRon]

No... it's not weird at all. Ignatius told Norman about what you said and Norman said "Hey dude! This girl wants to hook up." and Ignatius either said, "You're right, let's all get together and invite her and see what happens" or, Ignatius said, "No way dude." and Norman said "Well screw that then, I'm not passing this up. I'll call her."

 

Not weird at all.

[Memi]

But I don't think Norman digs me in that way. We've talked before, we joke around, but we don't flirt with each other. We have, however, said that we should hang outside of work...but for nothing more than just having fun with friends. Also, Ignatius is not the type of person at all that would have to tell his friend to invite me somewhere he would definitely do it himself.

 

So maybe this whole Norman thing is totally separate from Ignatius. I guess I'll find out tonight...and I'll update you guys tomorrow...

 

Thanks for your thoughts!!!