reflections on break up

[Caterina]

- It hurts a lot, and I don't know why. Every day there is about two hours total where my stomache still hurts over it. I don't know why, but I assume the pain is from some sort of sadness.

 

- It wasnt working out, but I never really gave it much of a chance from the beggining. I was simply not ready. After seeing my parents fighting constantly, I didn't want to get into another relationship that would debilitate to that. I broke up with him twice...it was already evident. Maybe its my ego that has been hurt most of all since he was the one to do that last ultimate breaking up part. Its hard for me to be objective with what went wrong...altho something definetly was wrong. Perhaps as branille said...some part of it was sort of sudden, even if he was expressing dissatisfaction.

 

- The hardest part is that I went too far physically and very early. And I think that it caused a lot of the problems that I had with him. He already has a difficult time respecting women (he said so himself) and I gave in too soon. I don't want to beat myself up over this, but it has been really hard to think about since when it comes to this topic I already feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. I know that God did not mean for us to be burdened by guilt, but to recognize that he frees us from our sins, but its a hard thing for me to see. Plus, the man, not God condemned me after. It was evident that he didn't really love me even though he often professed it. I think he was infatuated with me merely b/c I was a woman and some part of him believes that his problems with lust will have an automatic remedy when he marries someone.

 

- It annoys me that I have been dwelling on this so much, but part of that is the inconveninece of Spring Break. Normally, I look forward to some free time. NOt this time, I'd rather be working. I don't have anyone who loves me and thats what I really wnat. But the realization that I have to wait is just a mockery while I am free. Not only that, but a part of me believes that what it was could have been salvaged if we werent under such pressure from everything around us and had more time. We could have fallen in love during SB who knows. But thats probably a place I shouldn't go...speculatory land.

 

- He wasn't exactly a nice guy. He is one of those guys who have an astonishingly unwavering belief in how nice they are, but when it boils down to it, they are far from being a "nice guy." He was attractive in a way mostly because he wasn't a nice guy. He was sarcastic and selfish and arrogant and there is something attractive about that. Its attractive in the beggining, but after my experience with him, I have noticed that I am really really starting to be interested in men who are humble, meek, kind, and gentle.

 

- I think he views women as conquests, which hurts the most. Part of me intuitively picked up on that, but this was from a man who constantly professed how honest he was...and told me he loved me.

 

- He was constantly critical of me. ANd always felt the need to talk freely about all these other women that were so great in his life. He had a lot of female friends, and in a suspicious way.

 

- He flirted with other women A LOT. Even in front of me.

 

- He did change some things though. But, there is no telling if that would have lasted.

 

- He was controlling and pressuring. I am too free spirited for that.

 

- There are guys interested in me. I would think that this would help me feel better, but it really doesnt as much as I thought. It makes me feel bad, actually, because I can't recipricate and it reminds me of my own failures in relationships.

 

- I didn't handle myself as badly as i could have handled myself. I even cut off all contct righ tafter that, and he did two things in trying to contact me. But thats about it.

 

- Part of me is dying to know what he is thinking. I should probably assume hes over it, but at the same time, I want to know if he feels like I do in any minute way.

 

- It was a bad relationship, obviously. We fought.

 

- I am glad that I know this before instead of later.

 

- I really have to be strong in not contacting him, b/c I am dying to know what he was thinking...part o fhim seemed to have regretted the move...it was so sudden and it was in an escalated situation...but maybe God was the cause

 

- which reminds me, God told me not to go out with him and I did anyways.

 

- Helpity help help. I would take some advice on getting ove rhim.

 

- Perhaps I should just stay away from the computer...it reminds me of him.

 

- I can't wait till my job starts.

[sbrew21]

Its amazing how we do things and we know we shouldn't. I mean we truly know because its only going to set us up for hurt and disappointment but we like the challenge of making things work out even though we know they won't. Our mind is crazy. Its that saying we want what we can't have.

 

I am on 4 1/2 weeks of no contact and its extremely hard. I want to call him and see him but really what is the point? Why go backwards? It didn't work out so why would it work the second time around at least so soon.

 

It makes me feel better to think every time I want to call him he is thinking the same thing but knows he can't handle it right now so neither should you.

 

You just have to keep yourself busy. I know this sounds dumb but do a puzzle. A hard one. It will keep your mind focused on something else. I have been going out with my friends a lot. Went to vegas, went to the keys, doing lots and lots of things and I still miss him but you just have to suck it up as the best you can.

 

Just cross everyday out you don't contact him and try to work out as much as possible.

[Caterina]

How long did you date him? I've been trying to keep myself distracted...

[sbrew21]

8 months, i know its not like everyone else who has their 4 year relationships but it was by far my most intense. Distractions is key.

[Caterina]

I guess so...I hope the pain ends soon...it was obviously not meant to be.

[shamus]

i dated mine for almost a year, but yeah, it was very intense, but lots of mistrust issues on both our parts, lots of stupid fighting

 

cat, your post really hit home with me. i feel the same way. life just doesnt have the spark anymore, its like i dont care anymore. i am trying to get out and have fun, but it isnt easy. take it one day at a time.

pray, it will help you.

[sbrew21]

yea and i knew it from the beginning and I did it anyway like a dumb@ss. I know its not meant to be but it still hurts. Time time time, but its true, that's what it takes and a lot a lot of will power.