nycdoctor Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I am very depress this whole weekend. I have been going out with Maria for the past 8 month and I thought this time...I was getting close to the woman I would marry. Three month into the relationship she wanted to take a break and work on herself...she had issues with her parent's divorse and her mom being with another man. That break last about one month and we go back together..she was seeing a threapist. The following month following was hard, she had issues about me coming over at her place, and issues about driving to Long Island. She only stay over once in a while. I felt like i was trying to sell myself for her to be more into me. At this point i went back to online dating and what really killed me was Christmas. I told her i wanted to marry her within 6 month and she said she wasn't ready. She need two years. It was just a rejection...you can't believe. After not seeing her for Thankgiving, Christmas and New Years...i was ready to call it quit. And I did, I put when she started to cry...i hated hurting her....i told her it would be a break. My birthday came and she went all out. She told me wanted to marry me. She knew about me being on the online site. I believe her....i thought she would change...but I need to make sure before she did. What happen was her therapist said we are too different....she has trust issues to deal with ...that she should be alone and not in relationship. Wednesday come around and she call me on the way home to dump me. Told me she need to work on herself and will see the doctor twice a week and go to work on saturday as well to get her mind off things. I am just totally heartbroken. I love her..... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Most relationships are going to fail. What you need to do is learn from this situation. A good indication that this relationship was that she wanted to take a break early on in the relationship. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Well, you can't choose who you love but you can choose how you deal with it. From what you've written, it sounds like this relationship was an emotionally torturous experience for the both of you. Plus, read your post again, this woman has serious issues to deal with. I doubt she is capable of having a serious relationship with anyone right now. I know how you feel, I've been in similar situations. But when you're feeling down, think of this: what if you two had gotten married? What if you had kids together, mortgage, car payments, etc. Can you imagine what the rest of your life would have been like if the first 8 months were like this? Throw yourself a party because you avoided a lifetime of emotional torture my friend... Link to comment
Cyberchick Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Hey... I'm sorry you are hurting, I know it's hard... I think maybe for the time ibeing t's the best thing for her to be on her own if she has trust issues that she needs to work through. If you love her, support her on this. Be patient. It's hard, because you want to be with her. But you have to think of what's best for her, and let her know that no matter what you love her and you will be her friend. She needs a friend. Just wondering... 8 months is not a long time to be with someone before you get married. Is there some reason you want to get married so quickly? Be there for her, but don't forget about your own life in the process. Continue with your goals and ambitions. Go out with friends, be social. Work on yourself. One thing that alarmed me about your post is that you said you felt like " I felt like i was trying to sell myself for her to be more into me ". If that's true, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I don't think you should have to sell yourself to someone to make them love you more. Somewhere in there you stop being yourself, and if you can't be yourself, you can't have a successful relationship. All you can be is yourself and it's their choice to love you. Your subject is " I failed in another relationship ". Take a look at your past relationship... is there something similar about all of them that lead to the breakup? If there is maybe you have a pattern that you need to address and work on breaking. Is it love you are feeling, or need? Take care. I hope things look up soon. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I'm not so sure about being her friend right now. I don't think that would be good for you. You want in and she...she's a mess...one day she wants to marry you, the next she's dumping you...I say leave the amusement park before you get sick and throw up form the ride she's taking you on... Now if she wanted to be with you and made a commitment to do so and work on her issues, that's a different story...this, however, sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen... Link to comment
Scout Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I'm a little confused...you were using an online dating site while you were involved with her? That couldn't have been helpful if she already had trust issues. But perhaps I mis-read that part of your post? Link to comment
Cyberchick Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 By friend, I don't mean hang out with her alot or anything like that, or go out of his way to call her ... But letting her know that he is here for her... Part of loving someone is supporting them through the hard stuff... Personally I have some doubts that this is really love for the nycdoctor, I think it's something else, given the description he gave of their history... BUT if this is love, then maybe this is one of their challenges. That's just my opinion. Link to comment
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