A 40 year age gap, and the complications. advice?

[lovelylibertine]

Plutopia,

I'd love to hear more about your relationship. I've found that though many people have age differences, very few are this big. Your problem, in dealing with compromising aspirations, is also one thats been on my mind as of late. There seems to be quite a few things in common betwen us actually.Thanks for leaving a reply, I really appreciated it.

[Dako]

Is your dog also fixed?

LOL - well, if you know that's what you wanted, good for you!

 

Yeah, she's fixed too.

We both just lay in the shade and gain weight.

[Omni-I]

[quote=It's difficult to talk to some of my peers about my boyfriend sometimes. It's strange how girlfriends are generally very understanding and happy for me, but guys are not.

 

Just an insight on that quote, I think its because most guy would feel hostile toward your boyfriend mainly because there might be a certain amount of jealousy or because they themselves thinks to know how men at their 60s think... And projecting themselves into a 60s year old guy. And truth be told, they are not always wrong. In my travel I've heard of many men in old age retiring into poor asian countries, who abandoned their familes in their respective countries to take "wife" of often girls in their teens. Sexual tourism often contribute to that. Now we could say that those girls are consenting, but trust me, I've heard enough stories from those old grandpa's on how they are manipulating and just wants a "hot young thing" to keeps their old bones feeling young. And in a way garanty a beautiful retirement. Some even fathered children with those young women. And how much they enjoy their company much more than their wrinkled wives. But the destiny of those young girls is to tend to him. I think that often came up in this post about what you should expect from such a relationship. In my opinion, despite the "love" factor, aspirations of what kind of future is quite different from what you would get from a younger man.

 

And most of us guys would prolly enjoy that to if we were in their shoes lol. Can we say we despise what we admire? Think about Hugh Hefner lol.

But i dont want to generalise, they may be a few exception to it. But i have yet to see it. And let me finish of with this:

 

Every men, and i mean EVERY men aren't indifferent to the charms of young women...

[michelle18]

hey lovelylibertine,

 

iam going through the same thing is yourself. iam 18 years old and my fiance is 48 years old. we have had alot of problems with my family and after 2 years of being together there are still problems wth them. his family however are very welcoming and supportive for us. i love him with all of my heart and i know he loves me as he iis still with me after all the crap that we have had to go through off people.

 

iam so happy to hear that there are others out there who are going throught he same thing as me!!

[Beautifulgirl]

Recently i read a little paragraph somewhere that says something like "Remember, in any given moment we are making small and large decisions. Each decision is based on LOVE or FEAR. Choose love, follow your intuition, not intellect and follow your passion or "burning inner desire."

 

I am in a similar situation right at the beginning stages of a relationship but with added complications. I am 27 he is 50 so a 23 year age difference. We are now looking at our future and one of the first things we discussed was marriage and children - he has 2 kids from his first marriage (the oldest is 3 years younger than me) and is willing to have more children if we both agree, and the marriage part doesn't bother either of us.

 

This is one of the hardest things i've had to do - we met in a small group of people who are all around his age but i am friendly with them too. No one really knows of our relationship yet but slowly people are working it out and I am terrified of what they will say about us - I'm sure with each other we'll get through it.

 

How did you handle things in the early stages?

[jayjay7]

I knew I didn't want kids since I was a teenager. I got fixed in my mid-20s and don't regret it. Often people just know what they need.

 

 

Wow, you got fixed in your 20's. I can't imagine anyone doing that, what if you had changed your mind?!

[annie24]

you can get the operation reversed.

[avman]

You can, but the success rate of that is pretty low.

[CamGuy]

what's weird is that when he was 45, You were only 5 years old.

[michelle18]

 

How did you handle things in the early stages?

 

in the early stages it was really really hard, having to sneak around alot was the hardest! my family werent happy at all and we had alot of trouble with them.

 

but now iam happy that i stuck with him as we are very happy now!!!

 

michelle x

[jennykitty]

I am there with you guys, I am almost 20 and he is 62. I had never heard of anyone else having such a large gap. We have been seeing each other for a while, and I have pretty much decided when the time comes to tell the rest of my family ( my sisters already know one is very supportive and the other is in denial that i could even be interested in the man) that if they choose that they wanna be jerks about my happiness then they are going to be ones losing out. As far as I see it, if I am happy with him, he is happy with me and we have a healthy loving relationship that is all that should matter, not that he is 40 years older then I am. I am sure you feel the same way. I think a lot of people just kinda ignore it or not think much of it (When I was in high School I was forever being called my Father's Wife by people at the grocery store or at the vet's office (eww by the way), but they didn't seem to think much about it. Nor do people thing much about him ( my boyfriend) and I. His friends have in inkling that we are involved, but seem fairly okay with it. I think the harder part is going to telling his kids about us. As for anyone else, i figure, hey they can bite me. I understand the fear of losing him as well. You never know how long he will be around, or how he will be. I had a great grand mother who was 93 and still liked to climb trees to pick the fruit out them, so that whole diapering thing may never cease to exisit. Just some of my rants.

[CutiePa2T]

its ok i just red about a guy whos 71 yrs younger than his wife! anything is possible!!!

 

 

 

[serena112]

if you truly love each other an age gap even of 40 years shouldnt matter. you are both adults and it is your life. i have never dated a man my age. my last situation was with a man who was 45 and i am 24. i know what you mean about being able to talk to the person easily. he and i could talk about anything with ease and never was our conversation forced or one sided. good luck to you and dont worry if someone has something negative to say. as long as you are happy they dont matter.'

[phantomwolff85]

I think love can conquer all and I really applaud you all for having such a sense of self confidence and security. As long as you don't care what others think things can work well.