What hurts more...our egos or our hearts?

[sbrew21]

You've been dumped...you feel like crap and the world is ending as you know it. All you want is your ex back and you try to figure out anything in the world possible to get back with them. But do we want them back because we are truly lost without them and just can't live without them or is our ego crushed? We were just rejected by the only person we thought mattered in our life.

 

I think there is an extremely fine line between this but how many exes have gotten back together and it worked out. Probably not too many. I don't know the statistics but even if you do get back together you are most likely going to break up again...why?.....because patterns repeat themselves.

 

Rejection is the worst but these are the things in life that make us stronger. And yes it hurts and its a long journey but we all become better people because of it.

 

Am I hypocritical? Sometimes.... Am I doing NC? Of course! I want my ex to call me....but I don't think its because I truly want him back...I think I just want the satisfaction of him thinking about me. That right there is my ego getting to me and most likely the rest of you.

 

Our exes brainwash us whether they know it or not. We think our life is over when they aren't a part of us anymore but you have to tell yourself that you don't NEED them...maybe you want them really really bad but you for sure don't need them.

 

Your relationship was a chapter in your life. Maybe you learned some things and maybe you didn't. Either way you are learning from it now because you are learning to be alone and dealing with it. Probably one of the hardest things to do.

 

Surround yourself with poeple all the time. After my first break up I had no friends and no one that really even cared about my situation so I joined big brother big sister and it kept my mind occupied. MAKE yourself do things, be around friends, volunteer, work out, focus on school, work, make a goal for yourself to be on the cover of Fortune 500...hey my goal is to be in MAXIM (not the same) but you get the point.

 

Don't call your ex, don't write your ex, don't accidentally run into them to pretend how great you are doing. Its not worth the effort because you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Why go backwards? Honestly think about it.

 

Alot of you have posted about all the fighting, crying, cheating..etc...I mean do you really want that in your life. If there is something negative you need to remove it. Take it out of the picture.

 

What do you want in your relationship? Was your ex every single thing you could ask for. No...they broke up with you.

 

Think about how great you are going to feel when you are over it, and to think you got through it but it doesn't just happen. You need to focus, concentrate and use your brain in order to do it.

 

Be strong and don't ever let anyone get the best of you. If you believe you are attractive and confident then so will other people. Give yourself a reason to get over your insecurities.

[xblondyx]

Wow. That's really great advice. Thanks

[shamus]

i think it's a combination of both...

 

our egos are hurt because of rejection. it's like we are not good enough.

 

but when there is someone special, it is our hearts. my ex and i had a lot of problems, but there was a lot of good as well. i've tried dating but i just compare everyone to her. never in my life did I have such a strong connection to anyone. never found a more beautiful or fun person that i was just so comfortable with. i really wanted to spend my life with her.

 

so now i go through my days, hanging with friends using these boards for support.

[sbrew21]

I think a lot of times our heart is broken because our ego is crushed. Shamus you are going to compare everyone to your ex no doubt. But why did she break up with you (forgive me for not remembering) Obviously something was wrong or missing? This is where you have to know you have way too much too offer and if the ex can't appreciate it for whatever reason then they are not the one for you.

[Mrocza]

All of the above...

 

It's also a comfort level and no one likes that kind of change.

 

You make a commitment, relationship, bond, history with this person and it all goes to shambles. I mean, thinking about it that way, it sucks.

 

Everyone wants things to be good but can't accept that sometimes the good doesn't last. We all get involved with people putting our hearts and egos on the line, opening up, letting them in, knowing the possible consequences, and yet when it happens we always feel shattered.

 

It's the need to connect with others...and when that is lost, we feel lost because we feel alone.

 

I also compare it to somewhat like a drug...love is a drug...you are addicted to this person, dependant, used to...and then it's taken away. You experience withdrawl, even if the thing taken away is bad for you.

[renaissancewoman101]

sbrew21, you are so on the mark that it isnt even funny. I am finally starting to get over my ex but it took a lot. It took me moving halfway accross the country from Wisconsin to California. Sometimes when I look back at the relationship, I realize that maybe why I was so mad after being dumped and wanted him back so badly was because my ego was bruised. Towards the end of our relationship, I knew I was pushing him away and I was neglecting him and when I look at it in a critical eye, I realize now that I couldnt stand him. Doesnt mean I dont miss him, but I could stand him.

 

Our egos are a big thing. They are what defines us and sometimes a little bruising can go a long way. Also rejection hurts whether you unconsciously was looking for it or not.

[sbrew21]

of course..... "the need to connect with others" and feeling alone. It sucks but there are so many people out there, maybe not to be in a relationship with but to meet. You won't be able to experience all of that dwelling on a relationship that didn't work out. Its all about convincing yourself (accepting) that you are ok. That's the hardest part but you have to do it. We are all so vulnerable and we have to train ourself not to be. I am not saying don't open up and don't put all your cards on the table when it feels right but we all have to build a backbone.

[ratherbesailing]

I think the worst part of getting dumped is that it shatters the dreams we had and the image we have in our heads that we were part of something special. Yeah, my ego was bruised and my heart ached but those feelings passed. It's the sense of loss over the dream that lingers on and it is really hard to get that back.

[annie24]

Am I hypocritical? Sometimes.... Am I doing NC? Of course! I want my ex to call me....but I don't think its because I truly want him back...I think I just want the satisfaction of him thinking about me. That right there is my ego getting to me and most likely the rest of you.

 

I hear ya sister!!! I also want my ex to come crawling back, not because I want him, but just so he realizes what a fool he was!

 

I guess that's my ego talking.... *sigh*

[deejay74]

my heart definitely hurt more. i had deep feelings for my ex and when she dumped me, it hurt to the core. i am still recovering from that.

 

i never have been one to have much of an ego anyway, so for me, it didn't hurt it that much.

[sbrew21]

that's your problem iwantherback. You need to find your self worth.

[deejay74]

that's your problem iwantherback. You need to find your self worth.

 

yes, i know. that's why i am in therapy.

[Rebel]

The more I think about it I think mine were hurt almost equally. If I had to pick one over the other I would say my heart hurts more, but not by much.

[mags73]

i found out that my ex has known his current girlfriend of three weeks since may of last year. they have worked together since early summer. i found this out last weekend and he told me he's liked her for a long time. this guy is an * * * and has treated me like * * * *. why do i miss him? i can't stop thinking about him - i'm obsessed. i need to hear some reason.