Soo Scared

[SilverCloud]

I had no idea what topic this would go under but anyway here is my latest heartache.

 

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday, who was also my ex's friend. I was feeling low and was missing my ex. She told me that i should not miss him cause he was not a good man. She said she knew about his reputation with women before we both got together. She went on saying that when he told her about us, she questioned him in detail cause she wanted to make sure it was not one more of his flings and he assured her that it was not and that he was actually in love with me.

 

After all that she actually told me that as a mom she will tell me to do exactly what she told her daughter is that i should get tested, cause with my ex's history i could very easily could have caught STD. I am now sooo scared, he was my first. i am already living with the pain that i was sooo naive to let him fool me for soo long and also insult my love for him in such a way. And to top that pain now i have to worry about what the test results will be, and if i have got something i have to live with that too. He is out of my life but he has left a big mess....

[RayKay]

Hey Honey,

 

Well, try not to panic yet....even if he has had a few flings it does not "guarantee" you have anything. But I do absolutely recommend you get tested for STI's, including HPV (which can cause cervical cancer) and blood tests for HIV and Hep C.

 

Many of the more common ones are treatable (like chlamydia and gonorrhea) and others are manageable with precautions. Some are of course more serious then others, but your chances are a bit lower of those.

 

Regular tests for these are good to get anyway for anyone in my opinion.

 

Call your local clinic or your doctor and book an appointment for a PAP/STI screening. It's not a long process, though the wait to get results can feel like forever.

 

Keep us updated and good luck!

[sukerbut]

and this was the guy you keep telling us about..how even though you guys broke up you just want him to be happy..thats my story only i was with a woman with a bad reputation...even her cousins boyfriend whom is my cousin told me..pete dont do it again..she burned you twice shell burn you again..and guess what ..she did AGAIN with no remorse, after she reassured me that she would not get in this relationship again with me if she was not sure i was the one..what a joke...she used me ..sucked the love out of me..and then tells me..well i tried also...i mean come on..july im you favorite person and aug you dont want to be with me any more..thats just not noraml..im sure another guy came in the pic..like it has happened in teh past and she dropped like a sack of potatoes...so you knwo what..i dont want the best for her..i want her to hurt and hurt..and yes i am bitter .. becasue i fell in love with a self centered manipulative selfissh attention hoar! so pelase dont want this guy to be happy..he used you..chew you up and spit you out..just like that..as soon as they got bored they bolted..these people are parasites...i ma not saying this for all the dumpoers out there, but in our situations dealing with trash like these two..i would disagree and say i want nothing but the worst for them. and the best part..leeches like them will never know what they missed becasue they are iompervious to feeling and needs...just parasites..good luck hun..i have been very upset latly .. i am healed but very pissed as to someone that was shown so much love can just toss a great relationship in teh garbage because in her words "i know this is going to bight me in the * * * one day, but right now ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!" YEAH I WANT THE BEST FOR HER.,..I HOPE SHE GET FAT REALLLL FFAT HAHA

[SilverCloud]

and this was the guy you keep telling us about..how even though you guys broke up you just want him to be happy..

 

YEAH I WANT THE BEST FOR HER.,..I HOPE SHE GET FAT REALLLL FFAT HAHA

 

lol thank you for bring a smile on my face,I really laughed at that one.

 

Yes it was really difficult to hear all this about him... you know really really hurts ... he had me fooled very good.. gave him everything... yet got to hear that i didnt..

 

Why do such people pass their life like this ... you know he came from a broken home... had no contact with his bilogical mom... had a bad relationship with the father (i was told that he was a drunk bum and a child molester), and his ex wife was a cheating drug addict... all i wanted was to give him the same feelings and joy i got being with him.... i hope he realises someday that i gave a lot for him... you cant even imagine it as to how much i gave not because i wanted him to feel greatful but because i loved him and wanted to see him happy. I just want to ask him "How could he do this to me?"

[curlygirl47]

I believe that your ex probably didn't think he was good enough for you, deep inside. This has happened to me more than once, unfortunately. I can see that I actually create the situation, because I choose troubled guys, and I am so good and give so much and don't make a fuss, etc., and then they end up feeling guilty because they have hurt me --- and guilt doesn't make anybody feel good. I turn into a victim. It makes them want to run away. Coming from a troubled background myself, I can tell you that his feelings about love and relationships and his own self-worth are complex. He probably wanted to commit to you, be good to you, etc., but found that he was unable because of his own issues, including his regret and guilt over his past failures. I'm sorry you were hurt because of his insecurities; somehow we have to come to the point where we can realize that these guys just cannot or will not be who we want them to be. Part of my problem is the guys I choose --- I'm not sure if you will choose the same kind of guy again, but sooner or later we need to learn. I'm worried that I never will because I am 40, and I am always attracted to the same kinds of guys.

[sukerbut]

hey silvercloud mine to came from a broken home..her motehr cheated on teh father whith the next door neighbor and got caught..they divorced when she was 13..from day one her mother preached you dont need to depend on men..be independent..the mother is abit of a wack job..and since my ex has a decent relationship with ther dad..all her mom does i think is hate on her..always never good enough..never allowed to realx always making her do things around the house meanwhile the little sister gets all teh love and forgiveness and does not lift a finger around the house..and her relationship with her dad is not as strong..i have broken all this down...my ex is 23 she has slept with well over 22 guys that i know of..dont know how many i dont know about...the thing is she is not even sexual she is not a nypmh or anything like that! she is i think insecure, and does not love herself thats why she goes looking fro acceptance...do you know how hard it was for me to sit last year at a table during her b-day with 2 ex lovers that are now her so called friends...she still talkes to all her exe's , when i met her 5 yrs ago..she cheated on her b/f with me..i was 26 she was 17..do you know that ehr mother at first was excited that ehr 17 yr old daughter was going to go out with a 26 yr old man while she was still dating someone steady..i mean that is just bizarre...after her mom saw that i was getting serious with ehr she finally intervined...that started the whole saga..5 yrs of on and off dating and me giving her all teh love warmth and support just to continously get ossed by some one of this disgusting caliber is very demorolizing..but you cant help whom you fall in love with and i fell for her 5 yrs ago...this last time around even knoiwing about ther disgusting past in college..which she sees nothing wrong with i swallowed my pride and let love take over..and this is what i got....i mean male friends from jail calling , e-mails from exes in the army stationed in korea reading cant wait to come home and make love to you..of course that e-mail was sent to her 5 days before we became official b/f g/f//her goping to miami before again we were oficial and sleeping with some dude becasue she thougtbh it was going to work out..and int eh end..i was the crazy and insecure one..i right this stuff so ic an heal and inform everyone here what mystruggles were and as to why i wish nothing but bad to her...good luck babe these people are always going to live a sad miserable existence..becasue unfortunately that is all they know..

[SilverCloud]

I believe that your ex probably didn't think he was good enough for you, deep inside.

 

I never let him feel in anyway that he was not good for me... i dont judge people that way.. I was in love with the person he was... he was a good guy or maybe i am thinking of what he was... he told me i have all of him forever and yet i dont now... how can a man who claims his love for you sooo much suddenly loose all that... isnt love about being unconditional ... i know i was for him, cause i never questioned anything ... never asked for anything... why do i give a s*** for him when everyone tells me he is not a good guy... why do i refuse to see it as the reality and instead only think that i probably failed him enough for him to stop loving me...

[sukerbut]

because we are blinded with love hun thats why

[SilverCloud]

because we are blinded with love hun thats why

 

i thought he was in love too... i thought that if we were both talking about getting old together then he also loves me enough to love me unconditionally...

 

I am sorry i am being very emotional today.. i have had NC with him for over two months now and all i can think about today is why our relationship didnt matter to him to move on sooo easily... i dont think i would have ever been with him if i even had the slightest feeling that he was not in for the long haul..

 

You would think by now i would forget him but i have not... i cant even wish that i could cause i know i dont want to... why should i stop loving when i never intended to when i fell for him?

[sukerbut]

icemotoboy makes a good point when he sais : "I believe that some people have been in abusive relationships (from family, to friends, to ex's) for so long that they don't know how to deal with someone who truly loves them in both WORDS and ACTIONS. One reason for this is that when someone is truly devoted to you, they can't be shouldered with blame for your own problems and inadequacies as a person.

 

thereforeeee, instead of being a shining symbol of love, you are a constant reminder of how imperfect, how flawed, and how horrible (and possibly unworthy of your love) they are."

[SilverCloud]

thereforeeee, instead of being a shining symbol of love, you are a constant reminder of how imperfect, how flawed, and how horrible (and possibly unworthy of your love) they are."

 

He always blamed me for things going wrong...oh well he has someone new now... i am even more heartbroken having found that out... i can question and question everything to death but i only find myself going in circles... i didnt want this i didnt want a broken heart yet it happened... how sweet for him that he has someone new, he is putting the time and effort that he could have easily put in our relationship... maybe he is capable of only being there in the honeymoon time of the relationship .. i fear that if he is capable of more then i would know that i was the one not capable and i dont even know how... i want to ask him... i really want to know my short comings... this sucks, it really does...