Success Story - for controlling my emotions...

[octopus]

Hi All,

 

I just wanted to share with you that I think I've done pretty well this Sunday, seeing my ex for the first time in 3 months.

 

Saturday we met at the conference, in the hallway, and we held each other like in a movie scene. I was surprised to see he looked like he'd missed me more than I thought. We had to go to different sessions, so we made plans to meet at my apt (which he'd never been to since I moved out of his) and have dinner on Sunday.

 

I spent the entire saturday afternoon brainwashing myself to not show any resentment, and treat him like a regular friend, and absolutely not beg or cry or say anything like "can we please try again, please, please please?". I made myself believe that if it were to work, it'd be without trying and it was best for me to see how things go, and decided what to do according to that.It's easy to write here, but most of you know it's soooo hard to control your emotions once you meet that "stimulus" that made you go thru 3 months of pain.

 

I made myself believe that if he were to come back, that would only happen after I had completely let go; thereforeeee I had to see him as a regular friend, and not my ex I loved so much, and I had to act it. I had to act as if I'd let go.

 

When he came over, I was folding my laundry, and there's only a matress in my room, nothing else to sit on, so he sat there next to me. We started talking and it went pretty well. Then we got hungry and walked over to the place accross the street, and the dinner was great too. I showed no resentment, didn't say anything sarcastic, and didn't imply I wanted to get back together and that I missed him like hell. We held hands occasionally.

 

After dinner we had planned to go see a movie, but instead we went back to my apartment. We lay in my bed, and held each other. He reached for me, and he held me and kissed me, in the way he hadn't done in a long time before we broke up. I am sure if I'd let it, we'd have had sex too (although he's not the kind of guy who'd have sex out of a relationship) but I knew better and didn't allow things to get that far. I know I'd hurt after that. We just held each other and talked; which made me wonder why the hell we broke up in the first place, because it felt sooo good.

 

He stayed till 11 PM; it's impossible for him to stay somewhere he doesn't want and stay up that late; so he wanted to be with me; and that meant a lot.

 

He asked me when I'd be coming to Boston next (I've been going to a different place every weekend to avoid going to Boston) and I said "I don't know. I need a reason to come here". He said "Like what?"... and I didnt want to say "Like for you to want me", so I just said "Like when the diving season begins"... He said "I can wait that long", now I don't know what he meant by that but I'm not going to obsess about it.

 

After he left, I was feeling very good because I had NOT made a complete fool of myself, showed that I survived just fine w/o him, and that he didn't actually hate me, he enjoyed being with me, and he isn't back with his EX or someone new anyway. (but he also didn't do ANYthing to imply getting back together)

 

I woke up this morning, and I wasn't hurting. I had just faced someone who'd given me a lot of pain for 3 months, but I must have gotten so much stronger that I wasn't hurting after seeing him again. I didn't have any expectations of him wanting me back last night, and I dont have any now, but we've definetely started communicating again; which is a good step if we were to ever get back together. Sadly I've realized how much I loved him. However this time, I'm aware that although I love him, I can't have him. So I will not spend more time thinking about it and just let things flow.

 

I am in control of my emotions now. This has got to be the biggest reward.

 

From now on, I'll continue with NC again. That is, I won't initiate contact unless I have to. He IM"d me this morning and i responded. BUt I'm not going to send an email and say "It was so good to see you last night" or something. I'll just let things flow.

 

His affection last night was more than I could hope for. I thought we'd hate each other until we die.

[princessdi75]

I'm very happy for you, and I wish i had your strength. I have a hard time controlling my emotions, i wish i knew how you did it, and how i can do it too. I'm still with my boyfriend but very dependent on him. I wish i could not be so needy...but the truth is, my boyfriend is all i have. before i started dating him, i never really went out with anyone else or did much else. just sat around and came up with random things to do alone. I know i come on to him too strong, but i don't know how else to act.

[Hope75]

Octopus,

 

You did indeed keep yourself very well last night and were very strong.

 

I'm sure that he really respected you for that and that it was part of the reason he let his feelings show for a change- because he felt comfortable testing the waters without feeling like he'd give you the wrong idea of uspet you- he let it go with the flow too.

 

I commend you for your strength and willpower- keep up the good work.

 

Do keep us updated... something tells me this is not the end of things.

[octopus]

Princess, it doesnt happen easily. You need to listen to yourself and live the pain and get stronger... And unfortunately the only way that happens is thru practice.. so no fast forwarding.. you have to live everything... Good luck.

 

Hope, Thanks a lot. I hope this will be a new beginning for us; I am determined not to initiate anything until he does (if he does). Because that's the only way this relationship would be healthy. Let's see how it goes.

[curlygirl47]

I'm so impressed! I would have been wanting to have sex to "remind him of how wonderful we were together" --- but you held it all together and allowed everything to be just as it is. You also showed him how important he is to you without applying any pressure. Clearly, you are equally important to him, whatever his other issues may be. You showed your best self!