how much NC b4 a man knows what he has lost?

[Caterina]

I tried breaking it off with the guy I was dating before. It was b/c he says really mean things...and my heart couldn't take it. Well, he asked me to give him a chance, but then we kept having a lot of heavy disagreements. Basically, it ended up with both of us being unhappy with one another...

 

Eventually the way he broke up with me was over myspace. He deleted me. NOw, I wouldn't have even known except that I read his friend's online journal. When I called him about it, he lied and said that myspace deleted me, not him. I confronted him about that and he finally had to fess up. I don't know what went wrong with him...even though there were problems. He didnt have any solid reasons for breaking up. He also said that the reason he didn't tell me about breaking up with me online is b/c he was indecisive. But, he was obviously talking about teh breakup before he even talked to me. He even told me that if I ever broke up with him, to have the courtesy of telling him to his face.

 

I don't really know what is going on in his head?? Why did he lie? Why does he not have a solid reason?

 

I don't have a ton of evidence, but it could possibly speculatively have to do with him desiring to have his ex back. Altho, he often spoke badly of his ex, as well as positively. This really hurts to think about, esp. since he said he was over her. And to think that he was pulling me on a string in case she doesn't take him back is unbelievable. I guess I had a lto more trust in him then that. But that is all speculatory, so I dno't have evidence. I guess it doesn't matter at this point. Her disposition is the type that would put up with a man constantly putting her verbally down...moreso then mine. So they had lasted about two years. This relationship is the second one that he broke off...even though he didn't really care about the first girl that he broke up with (even tho he was with her, telling her he loved her....so that shows a little bit of the idea that he might not be of at least impeccable character). Also, one of his mean friends (most of them are nice, except this one) said to dump me b/c I don't like him flirting with other women.

 

ANyways, I am relieved in a sense, altho, Extremely hurt by this break up. I want to know what you all think of his behaviour, and what it possibly indicates.

 

Do you have any suggestions on how to get over a break up faster? I have a very heavy heart, and have been very deppressed over this. It hurts really badly.

 

How should I conduct myself?

 

The pain is unbearable at times, but then its easy enough to be happy...esp. when I am hanging out with friends. Its been two days and the relationship was about two and a half months.

 

I am probably going to do NC...but I don't know if I want to be friends later.

 

ALtho, he was really rude when he ended the confrontational break up phone conversation.

[DN]

You should conduct yourself by going complete no contact - forever. This relationship has been problematical for some time and you are probably better off without him either as a lover or as a friend.

[Caterina]

Thank you both for the great advice.

[redhook]

Personally for me it was only a few days. To bad for me it seems to have been to late.

[shamus]

it took me a few days as well...unfortunately, i screwed up and lost her

[opiate92]

I realized what I'd done wrong after only a few days. She started no contact 6 days ago and I'd give anything to tell her what I know now. So - if they do know and they do love you...they'll know really fast...

[kadvati79]

So - if they do know and they do love you...they'll know really fast...

 

That may be right sometimes, but I really think it depends on a whole bunch of complex factors. Since breaking up with my ex I have been paying closer attention to my friends relationship troubles. One very close friend met a guy when younger, but broke up as didn't feel ready for a relationship (in twenties). Two years later regretted it, after having gone through alot of crap. Four years on and I STILL have to listen to the stories about how much my friend loves him etc...

 

Also posted a while back about an aquentence I met who last time I saw him broke up with his long-term partner. He had three months of bliss then realised he had made a HUGE mistake. But didn't contact his ex. His ex married and now, three years later... he still loves his ex even tho his ex is happily married!

 

Both these cases were similar (i believe) in that at the time they met, they lacked the maturity to deal with emotions, and when confronted with someone who loved them deeply - they didn't have the tools (experience) to make it work. Finally, later on, when they reached this level of emotional maturity ... they wanted that back.