Jadtt Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Good relationship with this guy, everything is going very smoothly and I have some pretty intense feelings for him. We seem to click on so many levels, it's pretty spectacular. We're going on our 5th month of dating, my family loves him (they say....there's something "different" between the two of us), my friends love him and I'm totally crazy about him. That being said, we're in bad the other morning just chatting and he busts out and tells me that I'm "the one". He knows, in his heart, that there is no one else for him. He's dated a lot of women, and he knows I'm it. So....I didn't freak out TOO much, I was like * * *, we're only going on our 5th month of dating. But, then....I calmed down a little bit. I remembered my parents, who are totally in love. I remember when my Dad started dating my step-mom and said the same thing about her after only a couple of months. Then, I remembered a bunch of other people I know, who "knew" that their husband/wife was "the one" way before they actually got married, so I stopped freaking out and judging after that. In any case, I know there's something different about this guy....something different about the way I feel. Something different about how he still can give me butterflies in my stomache and that tingling feeling in my body...that normally goes away with any other guy I date really quickly. I don't think I should freak out just yet with what he said....but, I want to stay grounded, and I'm not sure how to do that. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Jadtt, What do want from this relationship? Are you just passing time with him or can you see yourself in a LTR and possibly marriage? He stated that he has dated lots of women, how experienced are you in the dating world? Don't confuse the whole time issue, 5 months is a respectable amount of time to have and express feelings for each other. If the feelings are there, the feelings are there. I know many people who fell much quicker and are very happy to this day, many years later. How do you feel about him? RC Link to comment
Jadtt Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 Jadtt, What do want from this relationship? Are you just passing time with him or can you see yourself in a LTR and possibly marriage? He stated that he has dated lots of women, how experienced are you in the dating world? Don't confuse the whole time issue, 5 months is a respectable amount of time to have and express feelings for each other. If the feelings are there, the feelings are there. I know many people who fell much quicker and are very happy to this day, many years later. How do you feel about him? RC He is 42, I am 28. I've dated a lot of men and was in a very LTR. I got out of that relationship because I knew I didn't want to marry the man I was with. I would have to say that will give a small background as to why he's dated a lot of women. By being in a LTR that I wasn't necessarily that happy with, I got to know myself, know what I was looking for and what I wanted in a relationship, specifically one that would lead to marriage. I sometimes believe (and some may disagree) that being in a LTR where you are not happy, feel isolated and alone and not able to express yourself, is one of the best ways to find out exactly what you want....because you most certainly have a lot of time to think about that AND what you don't want. In terms of dating, I've had one other LTR besides the aforementioned one, and many short-lived relationships (a couple months, maybe only a first date, etc.) My last LTR was complicated, and I cannot get into any specific details because the story is too long. But, what I can say is that, since I've come out of that, I've been able to become myself, pursue those things that I had always wanted to pursue, got rid of my shy attitude and became more outgoing, learned that thinking negatively all the time is not the way to live my life, made a lot of new friends....and, I can finally say that I'm the person now that I've truly always been, but never had the opportunity to become. I am not in this relationship to pass any time. In fact, right before I started dating him I was really so tired of dating in general, and so tired of all the guys that play games, that I was just taking a break for a while from men in general. Not because I don't like them, not because I needed my own time, but moreso because I was just to the point where I wanted to stop trying so hard to meet someone, back off, and just let my life lead me in whatever direction it was supposed to lead me. I met him about one month after that. I would have to say, that just thinking about the first time we met still gives me that tingly sensation. Our first date was pretty great, and I remember thinking on our first date so many thoughts, but mainly....that this guy is just awesome. I can see myself in a LTR with him. I can see a lot of things with him. I have never felt this comfortable before with anyone, or this close, or this happy. He respects me and treats me well. I think sometimes, I just get to the point where I've had so many bad experiences, that sometimes I don't believe something good could happen to me....and it's scary when the good comes along because you often question the intent behind it. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I am 42 and my wife is 31. I had an edge on experience and after a month I knew I was in love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, more so I knew I couldn't be without her. I agree that by being in a bad relationship can teach us to identify exactly what we DON'T want! That is a very positive thing out of a negative thing. Don't let your past failures stand in the way of what is in front of you. It sounds to me like you are fighting your own feelings here and somewhere in the back of your mind, you quietly love this man. RC Link to comment
Jadtt Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 I am 42 and my wife is 31. I had an edge on experience and after a month I knew I was in love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, more so I knew I couldn't be without her. I agree that by being in a bad relationship can teach us to identify exactly what we DON'T want! That is a very positive thing out of a negative thing. Don't let your past failures stand in the way of what is in front of you. It sounds to me like you are fighting your own feelings here and somewhere in the back of your mind, you quietly love this man. RC Upon further review, I would have to say that I think you hit the nail on the head. Yes, I do love this man, very much so. In fact, I cannot see myself with anyone else right now. And, I honestly have to say that this is...by far...the healthiest relationship I think I have ever been in, in terms of my feelings, our communication, how we work together, etc. I guess I've just never had this type of situation happen to me before, I've never had a man sit down and say "I'm the one". Sure, my ex proposed to me...but he never really said those words to me. I am fighting my own feelings for sure, because, even though I'm strong and positive, a part of my mind is still a little scared of being hurt. And, that seems to be getting in the way of me totally feeling everything. I guess, through writing this right now, I understand that I love him more than I have been willing to admit. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Good for you, I'm glad I was able to help shine some light on this for you. Love can be a frightening thing but remember, it can also be the greatest thing. Let go of fear and go for it. Embrace what you have, so many others desire it but can't find it. RC Link to comment
sweetheart230 Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I'm very happy for you... it really sounds like you've met a wonderful man and that you deserve to be happy. good luck! Link to comment
red10 Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Hey Jadtt - before I say this, I just want you to know that I am NOT trying to put a damper on things, but just from my experience, thought to add my opinion - so please don't be mad! My ex and I hit it off really well, we lived together from the start and developed an amazing friendship that turned into an even better relationship. about 5-6 mos. into it he told me that I was the One, because of me he felt motivated to do things, etc.... We broke up after dating about 8 1/2 mos., stayed really close (basically friends with benefits..my fault) but then about a month ago he told me he was reconnecting with an old friend - they had been writing letters to each other - and that he thought SHE was the One...I can only imagine what else he told her that he already told me... Anyway, my point is that I do not really believe in the One or soulmates - it's not because of this, I just never believed it, but I do believe that there are many people out there that can be that One for you....it's a matter of meeting someone, connecting, and making that person the One - but only if that's what you really want, then that person becomes someone you want to spend the rest of your life with - however, I believe there are many others who would be a perfect fit, but it's about finding someone, and making that work if both of you want it and not thinking "what if?" rather focusing on what you already have. I hope what I posted made sense, but really I am happy for you and I wish you only more happiness to come! Link to comment
Jadtt Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 Thank you and, no I am not mad by your post at all. I respect all people's opinions, the good and the bad ones. One of things I will say, however, is that in relationships, age and experience can have a significant impact. If I was in this situation and I was younger (in my early twenties) with a man who was also younger and less experienced in the relationship world, I would be very leary of him telling me that I am the one. However, I am currently with someone who I genuinely believe is looking to settle down, he wants to get married, he wants to have children. He is, more specifically, looking for that woman he wants to spend his life with. I, in turn, am also looking for the same thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I will interpret what people say they feel through their actions, their body language and how they treat me. Believe me, I know what it's like to actually think that you want to be with someone (I was previously engaged, and broke it off). I take more stock in the actions people have that back up the words that they say to me, because....words are just words....and that's all they are. A person can tell me that they love me, but they also have to show me. That beings said, in any relationship I really think we do know, deep inside if it is working out or not. I am not saying I'll be married ot this man by any means. But, I do know there is something inside me that tells me we will be together for a long long time. And, if there's one thing I know, my inner voice is usually correct. And, the only times I've made serious mistakes in my life is when I didn't listen to that voice. Link to comment
red10 Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 yes, age and experience are very significant when it comes to relationships. my ex is 29, so he was looking for that person to be with in the long run - and we did have that, or so i thought! - but I know what you mean...actions speak louder than words (lol. I'm still trying to figure out my situation b/c of that saying!!) but I definitely agree that you have to follow your gut, that inner voice...so crucial!!! Take care! Link to comment
Dogg Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Hey, I read in your original post that this guy can still give you butterflies in your stomach, hooray for you it seems like you hav emet your match and I'm so happy for you here is my question... What is it about this guy or what he does that makes you feel those butterflies? I am dating this girl right now that I really like alot and I would love for her to feel that way about me, I think that she does, but what is it that makes that feeling continue and the "relationship" not get old? I really do want to maintain having this girl in my life, and right now I am considering asking her to be exclusive with me, but I do not want to f*ck anything up here. Any advice? Link to comment
Jadtt Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Hey, I read in your original post that this guy can still give you butterflies in your stomach, hooray for you it seems like you hav emet your match and I'm so happy for you here is my question... What is it about this guy or what he does that makes you feel those butterflies? I am dating this girl right now that I really like alot and I would love for her to feel that way about me, I think that she does, but what is it that makes that feeling continue and the "relationship" not get old? I really do want to maintain having this girl in my life, and right now I am considering asking her to be exclusive with me, but I do not want to f*ck anything up here. Any advice? You asked some really good questions! What is it about him that makes me feel those butterflies? I'm not quite sure, probably because since the first time I met him, he was different, I really liked him and now I think I just might be in love with him. The butterflies come when I feel that I am very lucky to have met him. I think what makes that feeling continue is that, when you're in any relationship that is healthy and fantastic, each person has to continuously remind themselves of how lucky they are to be with the other person. It is a conscious recognition of the fact that, out of all the wonderful people in the world, the two of you were brought together. What are the odds? When you start to take each other for granted, then you can feel like there is stagnation in the relationship, and that doesn't create a good feeling at all! I would say the best way to not F up a situation is to do what you want to do when it feels right and comfortable. Believe it or not, you know what this woman may or may not be ready to hear, so you know in your heart when something is right. If you want to be exclusive, and you feel comfortable discussing it, then do so. However, I have often found that good relationships progress to exclusivity without conversations about it. Link to comment
Jadtt Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Now.... The real question of the day is how do I not F this up with this guy? I have a tendency to do that sometimes, and it scares me just a little bit. Link to comment
chaos Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I would just avoid doing the things that F'd up your relationships in the past. I think a lot of it is just common sense, like, with the girl I've JUST started seeing, I know if I call too much, or start telling her how strongly I feel for her, it'll scare her off. I know in any relationship, if someone were to get abusive, lie, or worst of all, cheat, that's a sure way to f*ck things up! Fortunately, it sounds like you're starting to settle down into a real relationship with a guy who obviously loves you. If you guys really are meant to be together there's very little you can do (barring what I mentioned above) that could screw this up. Like everyone keeps telling me, just relax, be yourself, and see what happens. We all need to learn to enjoy the ride and stop worrying about when/how/if we'll reach the destination. Now, if anyone has actually figured out how to do that please tell!!! Link to comment
Jadtt Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Be yourself. I've noticed that I've generally been laid back and positive in this relationship. Then, all of a sudden he tells me what he tells me and I'm insecure, worried, and everything. I don't know WHY this has changed. Why I'm all of a sudden worried if I talk to him, worried if he calls me, worried everything will fall apart. I've never had these worries until he told me his feelings for me and I need some advice. Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 If you are the One... then you really can't do much to F things up that should take a load off. Link to comment
Jadtt Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 If you are the One... then you really can't do much to F things up that should take a load off. Thank you for putting a smile on my face and calming my nerves. Link to comment
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