I just don't understand...

[dstanzler]

My ex and I met in high school. We were first loves, lost our viriginty to each other and attended the same college. A year ago we broke up with about 6 months of NC and then she reappeared in my literature class. I wanted to re-establish a friendship with her... and was hoping she might want to take it further. Then this:

 

She spent 2 months trying to talk to me. She began to flirt and be cute. Prospects looked so good. Then 2 days ago she took me out for coffee.

 

She asked me about my goals

Told me she didnt have any and that her year had been bad

I asked why

 

Then she laid it on me:

 

- After our break up I turned her down for sex

- She tried hooking up with her friend joe who turned her down

- She dated her best friend Steve for 4 months who broke up with her

- And now she is dating her new best friend Alan (Steve's roomate)-- been together 2 weeks and are going to Vegas in a week.

- She hasn't had sex with anyone...

 

I sighed and put my head down. She said I made her uncomfortable. She asked me if I was dating anyone, I said no. She said she knows that all the girls in our class like me (a girl asked me for my number. she saw that and literally ran away).

 

I'm not jealous. And I told her I cared for her ... as a friend.

 

But I need to move on. She's with Alan now.

 

So I decided to apologize... and then take some space. She sat next to me in class... and then approached me to talk after class. She yelled at me twice for "repeating myself" about jazz culture.

 

Oh, and my shrink thinks that all of these guys are just subsidies for me... a relashionship that she broke off but never recovered from.

 

I feel like a loser, and I feel like I messed it up-- though, thats totally not the case. I know she cares about me and she seems to want me in her life-- but I don't understand any of her behavior? Why set something up with her friend just as we were getting close? She blames me for "not being able to handle the truth" and making her "feel akward about her life."

 

I am moving on... but I can't help but think something is there. Why she refuses to pursue it with me I dont know.

 

Your thoughts would help.

 

Dave

[bingfei]

i think you do not know her very much ,you should do something for her!

[Scotcha]

To me a refusal to persue a relationship would mean that they weren't interested in a relationship. Whether it's because she isn't interested or isn't ready it really doesn't matter because the outcome is still the same.

 

It seems that she is interested in a friendship with you. Friendship isn't a bad thing.. If you are ready and capable that is. It's okay if you're not and it's okay if you never will be.

[Caterina]

I agree, be her friend. Maybe something will work out later. Alan doesn't sound like he's been that permanent in her life.