She cries.. and I care.

[Jjasonn28]

Hello everyone.

 

Its been a short while since my last post, so I thought I would catch you up on todays happenings.

 

Last I left off, we had made plans to see eachother this week. She infact, made plans to take a bus and come see me. Now, if you aren't familiar with my situation, this is a pretty big deal. She doesn't have a car so she hasn't been able to travel to see me in quite a while.

 

Anyhow, the plans were that she would come up around noon today, spend the afternoon with Parker and I (our dog) then head home. I decided since this was a special occasion, that I would do something special for it. So, I prepared a really nice Venison roast, bought some of our favourite snacks, and picked up a bottle of wine. Now I know this wasn't necessary, but generally when we spend time together, these are the things we enjoy. Besides, a healthy home cooked meal is something I havent had for myself in quite some time.

 

She called at about 11:00 am, telling me that she was leaving shortly. Apparently she was able to borow her sisters car, so she didn't have to use the bus. Great! (I've never been a fan of having her ride a bus long distances, when I am more than happy to drive and pick her up.) So the morning looked good.

 

Then, at about 11:30, another phonecall. She was on her cellphone, calling me from the road. When I heard her speak, I could hear the disappointment in her voice. Apparently, her sister called and needed her car back right away. Thus, we wouldn't be seeing eachother. She started crying, and apologizing. She said she felt horrible and sad that she couldn't see us, and that she hated to disappoint me.

 

Of course, it hurt. It hurt like hell. I had fought through the anxiety of seeing her, and was very excited to be able to spend this time with her. You know, dancing around the apartment with the music turned up... Stupid silly stuff. But as much as it hurt, I tryed my best to handle it well... I reassured her that everything was fine. That things like this happen, and although I'm disappointed that we couldn't see eachother, in no way was I disappointed in her.

 

So after we talked a little, she calmed down, thanked me for understanding, and we ended the conversation. When I hung up the phone, I cryed... I miss her so much. But best to not be a blithering emotional fool infront of her right? She wasn't aware of the dinner I had prepared, and I figured its best that I not tell her at all. I dont want to feel any worse, or even guilty because of circumstances we canot help.

 

So, I ate alone. I took Parker out for a long walk.... alone. All the time thinking of her. Wishing she was there. Not long after I got home from the walk, she called again. Still sad, she thanked me. For being so understanding. She said she misses us so much. I believe her..

 

So at the end of the day, this is where I am left. I am sad that we couldn't spend time together. I miss her smile. I still care for her so much. I still love her. Of course, that is no surprise.. There is no doubt I will love her for a long time. And in some ways, there will always be a spot for her in my heart.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Caterina]

You definetly need to tell her of your feelings.

[heloladies21]

Exactly. You need to tell her how you feel. Tell her over and over until you get everything out of your system. All these pent up emotions are preventing you from getting over her. It's a bottom you have to hit before you can start the climb back up.

[LEFEM24]

I am actually going to agree with Heloladies on this.

As long as you have her in your "system" you are unable to let her go.

I remember actually provoking someone to get so pissed off at me

that i knew he wouldn't talk to me again. Yes this sounds extreme..but it'swhat I needed to get over it. Him being nice to me was keeping me stuck, because I saw it as a sign of hope....

 

I am not suggesting you do this..but at least if you put it "out there"..you'll

know you did what you could.