Having problems about 'does he like me'...confused.

[RobustMouse]

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well.

 

I'm in situation that causing me a bit of stress and confusion. There is a boy that I have 'thing' for, and we share Drama class together. He and I are real good buddies. I've known him for about two years, he has no idea I like him, don't want him too.

 

During class, he and I always seem to flirt. We hug, and hang on eachother, hes even kissed me a couple times on the cheek. Sometimes we can get fairly intimate with one another. Like one time during a movie one day in class, he and I were sitting next together and were a site of a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. He leaning on me, me leaning on him...ect....my head on his torso...) Just real flirty stuff like that.

 

But although, as my other drama friends tell me, we are 'all over each other' and 'need to go out because we make a cute couple' he makes it clear that he doesn't like me. Not only has he said " I don't like you" "I like this other girl"

But I've seen him around these other girls he speaks of, and he treats them completely differently then he treats me or anyone else. basically, as he says, he doesn't like me. My problem isn't so much that I have a thing for him, I understand he and I will never be together. He doesn't like me, and I've accepted that.

 

It's the touching I hate.

 

I love it that we flirt, that we actually do this stuff, I look forward to it. But, and I know this is a lame excuse, but being a girl and who I am, I'm taking his actions seriously. But to him, our times together are nothing but a means of having a little fun. As he has said "I just playing with her."

 

Hes a nice guy, I love him so much as my friend, like today, he helped to comfort me so much when I was in distress it even surprised me. He's not mean, or degrading or any of that.

 

But, I hate the way that we do this in class, and the next time I turn around next period he almost ignores me. The best way I can compare it is to a girl who has just slept with a guy, she thinks it's for love, but then it turns out it really isn't.

 

What should I do? On one hand I want him to stop. If I don't mean anything to him in that sense, then I don't want him to do what he does. But on the other hand, I enjoy the attention and flirts, and don't want it to stop. It's conflicting, and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to push him away, but I don't want this confusion and/or, discomfort either.

 

The possibility of him liking me is on a low stance. He only 'flirts' with me when we are alone together, and hes said the above things, and treats these other girls he says he likes differently. My friends have suggested to me that maybe hes just embarrassed to say it, but from what I know about him, and what I've said, it just seems low stance.

[Hunny1607307342]

Hmmm...I've been in that situation before. Advice other people gave me was stuff like its unfortunate that you've given this guy the upper hand and allowed him to act like your boyfriend when he wants to, even though he's made it clear you're not going out with each other or anything. I know exactly what you mean about the dilema of him wanting to stop it, but on the other hand you liking it. It's really tough but these guys = complications and trouble, and if you keep looking forward to this when you don't have it anymore you will be heart-broken. I had to learn this the hard way. People told me to leave it, and be a little distant from him etc. but I just couldn't because I liked him so much. Eventually we kissed and it was amazing for ME, and he made me believe I was really special and that we'd go out with each other, and he kept stringing me along, but a couple months after that he told me we're better as just friends. I WISHED I just left it earlier because it would have been MUCH less painful.

 

This is what PLAYERS DO. They lie like rugs. If he really liked you, don't you think he would have asked you out by now? You deserve better; he's SAID he's playing you and your STILL allowing him to do that. I think you should not reciprocate for a bit, and see what happens; normally when you ignore them they come running back like squirrels. Or you could flirt with other guys to test the waters, and see if he gets jealous and think he's in danger of losing you if he DID like you. Otherwise, he may just see you as a flirt buddy/ego boost, and if its the case there's not a lot you can do. It's a complex situation which is not easy to be in, but lots and lots of us have been there... good luck

[RobustMouse]

Thank you Hunny.

 

His attention never felt like much, until I developed my 'crush' on him. He is a bit of a player, and I can agree with you completely when you say "I liked him so much" Thats where I'm coming from.

 

I'm ashamed to say it, but part of me is still hanging on because inside I'm hoping for a chance that maybe by the end of next year (Him, junior, me sophmore) something might come between us. I still keep believing that, even if it too is unlikely.

 

Thats one reason why I don't want to push him away, because of small light inside thats hoping for that chance. I don't want to push him away from me if is any possibility. Although I'm smart enough to realize that it's just not likely.

 

Part of it is really even a choice. I might be letting it get to me, any reason why I can't just continue and still recognize the facts? I would, this is what I'd like to do, but I think I'd only be setting myself up for more hurt if I let this happen, because I'd still take this so seriously.

 

It was suggested to me that I play the game with different rules. Be a little distant, and then if he asks whats going on, tell him I take it seriously. I would, but then I don't want to push him away.

 

](*,)

[Hunny1607307342]

I know how you feel. Maybe something will come between you, but it isn't likely to be successful. With me, I didn't listen to anyone and kept on our flirty relationship incase one day he'd ask me out and we'd be together, and I didn't want to lose what might happen: Even though something DID happen between us, he ended it quickly, and had a girlfriend just a few days later. It really messed with my head. If I could, I would just take back all those times I gave in to him. You might think your guys different, but from your explanation...he seems the same. I suppose in a way it was an experience...but on the other hand i don't know if it was worth all that heart-ache dragging on. theres this quote "When I met you... I was afraid to like you. When I liked you... I was afraid to love you. When I loved you... I was afraid to lose you. When I lost you... I wish I never met you".

It's so easy for you NOW to say "oh well it'll be worth it" but you won't be saying that later! You don't have to be distant, just be flirty with other guys too infront of him or something. Or just be distant/play hard to get for like one day and see how he reacts, you don't have to act like that permenantly.

[RobustMouse]

Hunny, thank you so much for talking with me, you've been giveng me great advice.

 

Even if something did happen between us, I know it wouldn't last. I've known this for quite sometime already. He and I are similar, but we are different in so many ways too. He would want one thing, and I would want something else, we might make it a few days, a month, a year, but not a life time. I know this, and I think thats the one thing that keeping my head on. I know we wouldn't work out. Still, my mind tells me this, but my emotions keep wanting to pursue it.

 

I won't lie and I say I'm going to stop and let it go, because I know I won't. But I will take your advice Hunny, I've been thinking about it.

 

Part of me just wants to tell him, "Hey guess what...I like you" but I could never do that. It would be to akward for one thing, and on top of that, I would be scared he and I would grow further apart.

 

What if should I do if nothing changes after awhile? Admit it that I like him? Tell him to stop, even though I've been advised never to tell him "I'm taking this seriously, stop". :sad: Or..?

[Hunny1607307342]

I would have thought he knows you like him. He wouldn't be flirting with someone who he thought didn't fancy him considering the extent to which he flirts with you. Also you flirt back. You don't need to tell him, actions speak louder than words. That's why I'm saying if he REALLY liked you he would have asked you out by now. You said you're not going to let go... it's up to you, but just keep reminding yourself what he's doing is an act, and all the cute things he does are fake. Don't tell him you take him seriously, you have to always make it seem like you don't care.

[Massari]

I know what you are going through dear.. I did too and still am.. after more then two years.. except that I am the guy who is getting hurt here and she is the girl who does the flirts and the touching and kissing.. it feels good, its natural human feeling.. you know that someone cares for you ..its great ..the touching part really hurts you .. just like what hunny said, your friends and ppl around you would tell you the same thing that they told her and me.. try to keep a distant .. I wasn't feeling as strongly to her until recently that started being really touchy.. the couple behaviour that she does.. putting her head on my shoulder.. I really don't know how can one avoid all this. But you see he did tell you to be just friends and then he likes other girls.. I know as harsh as this may sound dear.. you can't stop your life for this one guy,, learn from me ..if its any help// she told me after almost 2 years that she liked me .. still do but she can't go out with me because of religion . why did she keep that from me .. if she would have told me that the first a few months, it was much better. I am failing my courses in university I am gonna have to take a break and set my mind straight.. I am going through a somewhat minor depression where nothing cracks me up and nothing makes me happy. Thinking me being with her and how great this would be is all I think.

You are still young.. and have your whole life ahead of you.. you seem like sweat person.. someone who wouldn't just mess around with guys mind, you are going to find a great guy who would treat you like a princess that you are.. and cherish you everyday. She called me and told me that let's put the whole thing behind like it never happened.. I still have hope that light that is inside your heart is in mine too.. I suggest we both turn it off .. I am trying but I just can't. you know that he is going after girls.. and if you do the same, if he sees you with other guys doing the same thing you guys do like hugs and kisses he might see that you are a person that has a lot to offer and guys see that.. well some don't they are kids.. but most of then who do seek real love see that (its childish I know) try to set your mind off him.. and don't let this interfere with your studies in anyway, that should be your main priority. Don't think about him too much because you are only going to hurt yourself, you know right now there is nothing more you can do except that you have to accept it and be happy that he told you the truth somewhat. Not like me hanging in the air..

 

Hope this helped take it easy

[RobustMouse]

It did. :sad: Thank you. I think everything will be all right now.