Tough decision part 2

[savagegerbil1607306442]

Hi, i recently posted a question and I got mixed answers, both of which made since. but since then new events have transpired and new confusion.

 

Let me start from the beginning. I have recently been fired from a job, the reason I was fired was because I emailed this woman too much (not unwanted by her) well, we have strong feelings for each other, we have had them for about a year. we had been on and off for awhile, and she was/is going through a difficult part of her life. Well, her and I got into a huge email fight, and because of it, I was fired. My old coworkers told me it was because of her, I didnt care. when I left she came to me, crying. The next day she emailed me at home and told me she loved the way I treated her and wanted that for her life and wanted me to take her and her daughter away. Well, I was hesitant to start talking with her again, but I love her and decided to give her another chance.

 

Since I was fired, I have had the difficult decision of staying here, or moving away with my family. The stress has been unbareable, it's causing me to loose sleep and eat right, and I dont feel comfortable, no matter what. I dont want to move with them, but my mother, she is getting old, and I fear I may never see her again if I stay. But I want to stay, for this woman.

 

well, for her birthday we met up and we talked some more, i wanted to hear it from her if she meant it, she did. I told her that if I left I feel I would be making a mistake, and that I will stay for her. We spent time together, even went as far as talking about what kind of house we wanted.

 

She is going through a divorce right now, very hard time for her. She has gone from last week telling me how wonderful I am and how great I am to her to telling me that she needs to part herself with me and how god showed her she needs to be alone for awhile. It just came out all of a sudden...

 

she told me she did not want me to stay here cause she would put pressure on herself to speed up the mourning process. I told her I would wait no matter how long it took because she was that important to me. she said I have to make the decision on my own. I have a little voice in the back of my head saying she does not want me, and this is just an easy way for her to get rid of me.

 

I thought and thought about what I should do, then I asked her if she meant what she said and wanted what I wanted, she said yes she wants that. Then I asked her if she wanted that with me, and if she loved me.

 

She didnt answer, instead she sent an email to me saying she felt she didnt need to explain anything to me. I was angry about this, and along with my stress, pressure, and all the anxiety of making the wrong choice, I wrote her and said how she always got my hopes up, and then changes her mind and leaves me with the pain. I asked her why she got back into my life and if she was playing this sick game. She replied saying I was too impatiant and didnt have any faith in her and was sorry I felt that way about her. She asked me not to talk to her again.

 

After thinking about it, I realized I put too much pressure on her, because I wanted assurances that if I stayed we would be together. I know we have something special between us, we keep coming back to one another, but how am I supposed to compete with god? It's like if she feels hurt or sad for the littlest thing it's god telling her it's not right.

 

I tried calling her cell, but she disconnected it. I have so little time to decide, and all I wanted was for her to tell me how she felt about me, I dont want it to end like this... I know I am supposed to give her time, and I know I need to get over some issues of my own. I feel I should stay and be on my own, and get over my fear of being alone because that is the cause of most of our problems.

 

How can I make it up to her? I know she feels very hurt by this

[segagirl]

Hi there,

I do not think you are seeing this all very clear. First, I don't think the two of you should use email ever again. You cannot express real feelings and emotions on the computer. And I don't think it was worth losing a job over.

I think the decision to move needs to be about you...not her. She can not offer you any assurances, ever. Even if she was to say...stay, she could leave you a month later...then you would blame her.

If you want to stay, stay...but for YOU. Only you can make a choice of what matters the most.

Simply either way she is not ready for this, and you should respect this. There is nothing you can do but protect yourself and move on. Someday if it is meant to be, and she is ready...then seems she would be willing to move with you so you can be closer to your mom...

[savagegerbil1607306442]

unfortunately cause of her divorce, we cant really communicate other then that. I've never liked it either, I feel the same way, we could say whatever we wanted but without being able to look each other in the eye, it doesnt do it justice.

 

I know she could leave me, but she has been going back and forth for the past year about her feelings for me, and it seems like she has tried everything under the sun to try and push her feelings back, but they always get the better of her and she comes back to me, and like a fool I always take her back. I feel she should know by now if she wants to be with me or not. I get the feeling she has this freedom coming to her and she wants to do whatever she wants, but she should just say that ya know?

 

I am realizing I should stay, and just for myself. I cant stand it here, but I figure if I can overcome my fear of being alone here, I can do it anywhere. I just wish there was a way to tell her this, and to tell her it was my fear that pushed her away and not because I am impatiant or dont have faith in her.

[Genesis]

Why do you have to move with your parents? If your mother is old or sick you may regret leaving her for some relationship that does not work out? You should give her space you may be just a rebound relationship from her divorce. I think that you are too needy and need to give her space before you run her away. She should not have to make such a big decision like that with out thinking about it. She is a mother who has to think about the well being of her child, and you may not be the best match for her. Also, you should work on being independent, it sounds as if you are not living in reality. Think with your head and not your heart, b/c your heart can decive you at times. If she really loves you she has to let you know you can not make the decision for her by pressuring her.

 

Sometimes people get into love affairs to forget about the problems they are having at home. She just got out of a marriage which means she still has a lot of issues to address with or without you. Maybe she now see that she does not want to be in a relationship right now. She is not ready to make the type of commitment that you want. If you stay just remember that she may change her mind and not want to date you anymore, even if she tells you that she wants to be together. You should make a choice that will be the best for you not her or your relationship. She may not be the one, and yes you may not ever see her again. Work on finding a good job, and do not let your personal life interfere with your professional life again. If you chose to stay, just know that things may not work out and focus on your career.

 

You said you have issues, like not wanting to be alone , work on that b/c you can not truly love someone else if you can not love yourself. If you can not be alone that means that you do not love yourself, b/c if you loved yourself, you would know that it is ok to be alone. It is better to be alone than to give your life to the wrong person, just to be with someone. Also the Bible says that marriage does not cure loneliness, so do not think that by marring this woman you will no longer feel lonely.

 

Good Luck and GOD BLESS!

[zwarren]

I think you hit the nail on the head Genesis. I think Genesis is right when he says you have to learn to love yourself.