Married 21 years and now this happens !! ? HELP

[WHYNOW41]

Hi ALL !

 

I have been married for 21 years and am still fairly young, love my wife but we have nothing in common other than our children ages 10 and 5 and I love them to death. I have come accross a path I never thought could happen to me .... another woman , whom is married also has come into my life and I am incredibly in Love with her !!! We have met with one another on several occasions now and it is starting to get heavy now, no sex yet but we are getting there now. She wants the sex more than I do, but I see the woman I truly love when I look in her eyes. I care for my wife but have been living with out really loving her fully for the last 10 years. I believe she feels this way too but we are in it for the kid's. WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THIS OTHER LOVE OF MY LIFE...SHE IS THE BOMB !!!?

 

CONFUSED

[musicchicus]

Don't do it!!

 

If you truly believe that your wife feels the same as you, then you would approach her and discuss the subject. Deal with it. If you are right, you could a) divore or b) come to some sort of agreement.

 

However, if you wife truly does not feel the same way (which I suspect) then you need to be a man and face up to your promises.

 

Now...don't get me wrong. I understand where you're coming from. This other women is new. She is attractive. She thinks you're wonderful and doesn't mind showing it. She wants to have SEX with you. I can understand why you think she's "the bomb". But stop and think...wasn't your wife once? Isn't that why you were attracted to her in the first place?

 

I am guessing that if you and your wife truly worked on your relationship and yourselves, you would find that your relationship was worth fixing. My suggestion is buy your wife a book called MEN MADE EASY. It gives women tons of really useful advice on men (in a non-insulting way) and gives ideas how to fix these types of problems. Also, try some counseling - no, not the shrink type but the relationship, SEX type! It may help.

 

I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear and I'm sorry. It would be easier to hear "go for it, have fun"...but that is not real life! You have children and a wife who care about you and deserve more.

 

I would suggest STOPPING ALL CONTACT with this other woman until you have tried every last resource to save your marriage. Then and only then would it be appropriate for you to divorce and move on. But, be a man and divorce first...do not let your who-haa lead you into adultery.

 

Good luck!

[segagirl]

Hello to you...and thanks for coming to us here....

I have a hard time thinking that you have nothing in common with a women after 21 years, how does that happen? Do you not build a life, and do things with one another? It looks given the age of your children you were married 10 years....just with one another before having the children.... something must have been right there.....

As much as I would like to be able to say oh its love do it, I have strong thoughts about infidelity and marriage. I have to say I am absolutely against cheating. You are standing there, plan in hand. It just upsets me a tad.

Have you been to counseling with your wife? Have you tired engaging her into activities in which you enjoy? Have you done all in your power to make it work? Then if you can really honestly say yes, then leave. Cheating is selfish. if you want to stay for the kids..and she does too....then be honest with her that you have a lover. I mean why the secret? I know why... because it would kill your wife.

People do in fact fall out of love, but marriage is supposed to be about a lifetime of supporting someone you respect.

But if you really feel this new woman can engage you for say...a lifetime.... then sure go for it....just leave your wife FIRST.

[SolidStank]

First off, I'm 19. I have no idea what it's like to be married, no idea what it feels like to be torn between two people, but I do have an idea of how it feels for my mom and dad to separate because of other people. First off, it sucks. I had to learn about a whole new person that I really could care less about. I'm still that way. My dad loved my mom, he told me that, which always confused me, because he ended up leaving her. I guess I really don't know how this would help you. Maybe it will make you think about it more, who knows. I'm just giving you my story, maybe in hopes that you can use it to make the better decision, which in my opinion would be to stay with your current wife, and resume raising your kids as a couple, rather than apart. Whatever you choose to do, good luck with it.

 

Craig

[Genesis]

You do not love this women it is just Lust. You made vows with your wife, and God. Do not break up your family for this homerecker Slut. The two of you do not stand a chance. They say that only 5% of relationships that start with infidelity last! So when you leave your wife, and two years from now you and this other women will be getting a divorce also.

 

 

Feelings change when you are married, they will also change down the road with this other woman to. If you are a Christian, I would advise you to seek help through your pastor, because you are comitting adultery.

You need to stop seeing this woman and focus on your marriage. I would give it at least six months to a year of no contact with this other woman.

 

Think about your kids it will hurt them the most, not only will you lose their respect, but you will cause them a lot of emotional stress. Every child I know who's parents got a divorce are ***ed up! Go to marriage counseling if you need to. You should base your marriage on your covenant with GOD not with how you feel. Feelings change off and on, and what you are feeling is just lust.

 

The two of you both seem to be irresponsible people who have no regard for your families or your souls. The Bible says that it is not right to divorce your wife to marry another woman. That is just my opinion. Do what you want to do. Do not have sex with this woman. Take your wife out more often romance her, if you are not showing her love, how can you expect for her to show you love. Women love to be cared for and loved if you give your wife flowers, cook dinner for her rub her feet , and back. She will start to want to give you more of what you want. Do not be selfish you are a father and you have to think of what is best for your kids, not you.

 

Marriage is for better or worse, it does not say not until you start lusting after some other Bimbo who does not keep her marriage vows also. If she is willing to cheat on her husband, what makes you think she will not cheat on you! They all say the same thing my husband/wife is so bad I just can not stay! You do not know what is really going on.

[kdreger]

Do yourself a favour. Get out of the marriage BEFORE you have sex with the other woman.

 

Remember, even if you divorce her, your current wife will be a part of your life until the kids are grown and move out. thereforeeeeee, it's in your best interest to get a divorce on good terms. Not only so that you two can be friends afterwards but she can rip you a new one financially in the courts and limit your access to your children.

 

As well, if this other woman is important and you want it to last, get with her in a honest way versus doing it behind everyone's back. It may be exciting but it won't last.

 

Don't be an idiot. This is HUGE! Doing the wrong thing can have a negative effect on your life for YEARS in many ways!

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

How can men do this to women, and women to men. Why do people always look to others for a solution to there problems.. and why is that in 2003 mariage is just a fad like being a homosexual (not to offend anyone). This makes me sick to my stomach to see that men can let someone come into their lives within months and overide a 21 year old relationship. I am hurting for you and your wife. I am hurting for the both of you because there are also 2 other people involved here who did not choose to come here nor do they have a say in where you choose to go. look at what you are about to do to them and yourself. You should not jump into one relationship when your not even finished with the first one you started out in. ANd if you really loved your wife you wouldnt dare let some other women destroy what could be salvaged between the two of you. Why don't you seek conceling before you seek some new woman. She did not share your vows and nor does she deserve the kind of salvation and possible rekindle your wife does. I hope you don't dare get yourself in this kind of mess. Pray to the Lord because he can help you through this TEMPTATION" only him, nothing else. It sounds to me like you may be having trouble expressing this to the one person who needs to hear it..and that is the woman you lay with everynight and have for 21 YEARS. You are married..not dating..Married. That is more than a commitment...it is a union.

 

P.S. I am not saying that I am on the inside of your relationship...because who knows what you are going through...but please don't do this..to her..nor yourself...you both don't deserve the third party influence. You sound like someone who is smarter then this.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Listen my mother left my father after 28 years of marriage..for some man she swore to the heavens she was in love with. She broke up the whole family. She is now in serious misery with this man...a man who knew she was married and was slimey enough to sneak around when he knew she was in a union. DO you know what happened to her? She hates this new man...she wishes she was back with my father and she hates the fact that now that she is gone...she can never get my father back. He hates her every smell, and said he would rather be alone then to take her sniveling cheating as@ back. Please think about this before you do this to her and the family...and even more importantly youself. Good luck..I hop you make the best choice.

[Genesis]

You Go! SweetyPie! I agree what is wrong with people today! I think it is best to try to find mates that have morals and character. It is best to find someone who is a reborn again Christian or at least relies on their faith and not their feelings.

 

I am looking for a man like, this but it is so hard to find people with strong values these days, I do not date anyone who is not a member of the church, and does not have strong Christian values!

 

People lie , cheat and steal, what is this world coming to! It makes me affraid to get into relationships b/c you run into fickled men like these guys. I pray to God that I can find a GOOD man that believes in the covenant and will not go around cheating and getting himself into messes he can not get himself out of!

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I don't know...Genesis,

Why don't people turn to the Lord and not some third party that can only complicate things. This really scares me that men and women both are so fickle and feel like they can escape the "I Do's" if that is what mariage is about then I choose God and no man.

 

Thanks...Bible please.

[WHYNOW41]

Hi Again !

 

Thank you for responding to my situation people !

 

I am so damn torn from all this I feel like I am going to explode inside and out. I Love my wife and kids so very much and I do need to talk with her about our situation, I owe her that much and more. This new woman in my life is such a wonderful person inside and out and she really does brighten my outlook on Love, it is amazing. We have not done anything physical but mentally she has turned me upside down ! I believ that you are all so right when you say I should stay with my wife and raise the kids and just plain be there for them.... What a hard thing emotion is.

 

I am a totally different person with this other woman. I did feel this way about my wife when we first were married but things do change over the years both good and bad. The hardest part about this entire scenario really is the kids(period). If they were not around I would not think twice about leaving my wife, but reality is she is with me for the long haul. I will most likely end this with the other woman but I can tell you now a huge part of me is going to die on this day, I feel so empty inside

 

Thanks again to all of you