A cry for help/advice/encouragement

[MessedUp]

I just want to know if anybody has any advice about how to get over that feeling of betrayl and rejection..I am done wanting her back and trying to move on..After 5 months I finally started doing No Contact 3 weeks ago and since then I havent checked up on her once on her myspace or anything..Im really forcing myself to stay away from checking on her..Trying my best not to focus on the fact that she has a new bf and that she hasnt even contact me once since i started NO Contact..But the thoughts keep getting to me..The thoughts of her practically using me and dumping me after she felt no love for me anymore..After telling me a week earlier I was all she wanted and now having a new bf..I feel like i've been replaced and played by this girl..

I never expected my first love experience to turn out so meaningless to the other person..She doesnt even care about me anymore or the fact that i am now completely out of her life..

 

Does anybody have any suggestions or ideas on what to do..I dont wanna start dating..I really keep comparing other girls to her and find myself disappointed everytime they dont match up..I just want to heal and forget her..I want to take care of myself and be happy again bymyself..But its so hard when I keep thinking about how things use to be and how she completely changed on me and left me heartbroken..hmm giving me the excuse that she just wants to be single and then finding a new bf 3 months later..thats what gets to me and stops me from moving on...It gets me sad and frustrated as to how she could do that to me...Can anybody relate to this or am I the only one whose ex has done that to them?

 

And also what do you guys think about me taking more than 5 months and counting to heal over only a 3 month relationship..Thats just pathetic in my opinion..I should be healed by now..I know I only started no contact 3 weeks ago but why am i still thinking about her and what she is doing..

 

Thanks for any advice or suggestions guys..I know your sick of me posting and im sick of talking about this..I just want to heal already..

[Diggitydave]

One thing I learned from the RC is don't put a time limit on NC, like don't say well in exactly one month i'm gonna be over this. I'm not saying you were but just in case. I mean set goals for no contact, but don't assume that you'll be over.

 

My friend,

Do this right now. Take a real real deep breath, take a couple and go...it's ok..i don't HAVE to think about this right now. Remember, you can force yourself to not think of things that hurt you. I think we tricked ourselves that we'd just be blocking it out and that' snot good because then we're not facing it. the thing is...it's here... we are facing it. but we have a choice to not let it ruin our day.

[robowarrior]

You should never go into a relationship expecting things to work out just because it concerns your case. Reality is that a woman can pack her bags and leave anytime. Cherish the beautifull moments, forget the bad, and move on with your life.

 

We men tend to stick in a rut over things that will never be meant to be. Look forward, there's plenty more fish in the sea.

[heloladies21]

No need to get discouraged. The first break up is always the hardest. You sound mad, and you should feel mad. You only started to heal from 3 weeks ago so it hasn't been that long at all. Keep at it and you'll get there.

 

Even though it's hard, the best thing for you to do is to start talking to other girls. No Need to make anything serious, just casual. It will put you in a different frame of mind. Get out there and you'll see some girls who won't disrespect you like your ex did, and that makes them tons better right off the bat.

[brando]

Well first off it isnt just men who stick around as someone posted...

 

 

But to answer the original poster, you will never forget her, unless you get amnesia. This is something you have to face and deal with. It sucks, and it can be very trying. Their is an old cliche, "Time heals all wounds."

 

It will take time. Time for the pain to cease, time for the comparisons to stop, time.

 

You are the only one who knows what you have to do to heal from this. It isn't about moving on to the next relationship, or getting the ex back, or NC, or whatever else you may read.

 

This is all about you. You living your life for yourself. Finding the things that make you happy without having a "special someone." Sounds like you have some work to do on yourself. So my suggestion is to roll up your sleeves and begin learning about what you want oput of life, and start going after those very things. Set goals for yourself, small ones at first, nothing unreasonable or unobtainable for where you stand today. This is a gradual process. Take that energy you are using thinking about this break up and turn it on to yourself.

 

You want to learn to play the kazoo then go and learn. Whatever it is you want or always wanted to do, now is the time to start putting those things into place, and if you fail, it is alright, at least you tried.

 

Their is no magic formula to healing. Their is no time limit, no clear path to walk on to get through it, you only need to go through it. The pain will not kill you, although it may feel like it. Pay attention to your thoughts, this is where a majority of your pain is coming from, and your thoughts will do a number on you.

 

Be gentle with yourself. Do not beat yourself up over this. It isn't a race, their is no finish line.

 

Take one day at a time, one minute at a time, and try to stay in the present, keep your mind where your body is.

 

You will get through this, it will pass. It is what you get out of it all that is important for you to understand and accept.

 

Post, and keep posting, write in a notebook what your feeling and thinking, and from time to time go back to it to see how far you have progressed.

 

Exercise, go out with friends, date some more and expect nothing, just enjoy being with friends, women, and being out.

 

Most importantly is to take care of yourself. Eat properly, sleep regularly, exercise if it is something you do, or want to do. And do not blame yourself for not being able to get through this quicker. It will all come in time.

 

be well,

Brando

[gratefulpain]

What about what youre doing?

What about who you may or may not be sleeping with?

What about her comparing you to another guy... (who wouldnt add up probably)...

 

dude what about YOU!!!! YOU count.....

 

get a new wardrobe, start working out, chat some girls up online, sign up for paint ball... anything just sign up for something , do something different... the idea is keep yourself occupied and doing healthy things ... so that sweet time can work her magic on ya.....

 

take care man

[MessedUp]

Thanks for all the advice/encouragement guys...I really am trying to focus on myself and getting better for myself..its just hard and i get stuck on the what if's still..sometimes i feel like breaking no contact and surprising her at her store to see if anything comes back to her..we havent seen each other in 4 months and sometimes i wonder if that'll work...BUT THEN I KNOW I SHOULDNT...Ugh i just hate the fact that she moved on before me and she found someone that makes her happy...I get stuck on that stuff..At the end of the day i know most relationships dont work out and things like that but I just wish she would just miss me more than i miss her for once....i hate how she went from loving me so much to replacing me and not caring..

[healinginnyc81]

hey man, she will miss you more than you miss her when you have moved on, when you no longer wish to get back with her. Keep going, you've come a long way. Let the feelings and thoughts come when they do, feel them, and consciously let them go. You will get better, believe it.

[Diggitydave]

I like what the one guy said about "what about YOU, you count" that made me feel really good. Thank you for that, even though it was for someone else.

 

Bro you count! A LOT! You have a very important part on this planet. I know now it feels like you don't because someone is gone. I am sorry you are going through this, it stings, I know. I don't want to say a million and one generric things right now to you but trust me, you are important, very important, and you don't want to let your life slip away right now.

[MessedUp]

THANKS GUYS!!..you guys are really helping me out more than you know..

 

I just wish I could get those stupid thoughts out of my head about how she once was..

 

Like everytime I feel good, something pops in my head that she said like:

 

"I will always love you" or "Your the only one for me" or "I will do anything to make this relationship work and make you happy"

 

Its just so unbelieveable how her feelings can change like that..I know maybe it was due to her being only 17 but she seemed so mature...I guess at the end of the day im just bitter that she dumped me and im sad that she didnt even wanna try to make it work..Instead she just replaced me after telling me theres no one better then me hmmm..

 

I feel like my situation is the most unique and stupid love story ever told