Getting sucked back in?

[bzborow1]

Hi all,

 

I'm in kind of a bind at the moment. My ex-fiance and I, after 3 months of no contact have started talking again...and I didn't really have a problem with this. This, however, changed last night. To give you some background. She cheated, flew to be with him, other guy dump her, jumped into bed with someone else right away and is still dating him, I cut contact, and here we are.

 

Anyways, she's got severe depression...on 40mg of paxil plus something else a day (which I'm told is a lot). She called me Friday night from work basically crying because she can't handle her life. She's saying things like, "if i go back to that place i don't know if i'll be able to come back" which I am taking as suicide. Oh yes, i've already called the doctors on her once, which is the reason she's on the pills in the first place (i'm too nice, btw).

 

Then she tells me she has no one to talk to. My first thought of course is how is this my problem? You've got a new bf, friends, it should be their job no? Basically i'm in a bind again because I care for the girl, I also don't want to have the guilt of not doing anything if she tries to commit suicide...but at the same time i'm happy with my life after her, no more emotional baggage, and I like it that way. I'm trying to balance my need to move on from this...i don't mind acquaintances w/her, but i should no longer be the emotional support...I guess I just don't know what I should do with her. I also REALLY don't want to be the guy who helps her with her problems so she can feel better and go and screw someone else...call me selfish, but I don't want to waste the time on her just to see her use me.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Bill

[in_the_mirror]

no i don't think you are selfish or anything like that. she is prolly coming to you because you were a big part in her life and now she needs your help cuz you were usually there for her before. i am not telling you to help her but i think you should suggest her seeing a therapist for her problems or talking to her boyfriend cuz he could comfert her better then you could and if she doesn't want to tell her that you wanna help but you dont want to put in the middle of her problems anymore

[Genesis]

You are right she is using you. How often does she call you! I would let her contact you, do not call her. She needs to go to a therapist, or go for spiritual counseling from a pastor. She can not expect you to be her backbone for the rest of her life. I think you can show your support as a friend. But slowy remove yourself from her life, she sounds selfish and like a basket case.

 

You should be glad that she ran off on you, now it is some other guys problem. Doesn't she have a new boyfriend, why does she not bog him down with her problems? If she has family she should also talk to them.

Talk to her maybe once every two weeks but no more than, that.

 

Tell her to stop sleeping around, she is tring to look for love through Men , but she needs to learn that she needs to love herself before she can truley love someone else.

 

She uses men as a way to boost her ego, she has no identiy of her own, she gets hers from the men she sleeps with. The guy she is with now must be a loser or she would not be calling you all the time, b/c he does not support or validate her like you do.

 

Let her go, check on her from time to time, she has no respect for people. DO NOT TAKE THIS GIRL BACK SHE WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE! What kind of mother would she be? I have a friend whose mother is a manic depressive and her life has been hell, her father divorced her mother b/c of it, and her whole family has to deal with her mothers mood swings.

[bzborow1]

You're all 100% correct genesis. I've already told her that she needs to stop using men as a way to make herself feel worthy. She just doesn't get it, I'm starting to think she never will, and I'm starting to distant myself as best I can.

 

My dad actually gave me the best advice a couple of weeks ago, he just told me to forget her as she's the type who's going to go from guy to guy like she has. It's just tough because she keeps throwing the suicide crap out there, and I know enough of her history to know she is the type who could do it.

 

Thanks guys!

[cobro]

Just change your phone number, that's what I did. I say, if you break up with me to go to another guy, and then try to be my friend when you run into problems with the other guy, that is your problem. My ex and I were talking every few weeks, until last week whe she called me three times. I found out he was not treating her right through a friend. I couldn't handle being on another emotional roller coaster, wondering if she wants me back, etc... So I changed my number. If I was to get back with her, it would be her 3rd chance, I just cut it off right away. It's tough, but sometimes you can't let other people, who you lov(ed), rule your life anymore.

[foreverurz23]

i dont think that you are selfvish at all. you dont need the emotional baggage back, i think what i would do is try to cut contact very slowly becuase this could be very hard on you if something does happen.

 

good luck and stay safe

 

~foreverurz23~

[Kpuppy]

Perhaps you should consider talking to her friends? I have a feeling that she may be elaborating her depression because she feels that you are the one who is going to give her the sympathy she wants. If you can, call her friends and tell them what is happening, and that you are not equipped to handle her problems now that the two of you are no longer an item. Also tell them that you feel she is having suicidal thoughts, because if this is the case, her doctor needs to up her medication.