Gender Differences in Breaking NC

[tigerwalk]

Solo,I agree.

 

Hoping,

There are going to be a lot of ups and downs over the next few weeks and months. I'm 30 days into strict NC after about a month of loose NC divided by a full blown attempt to express my love for her. I had a great few weeks, but it's been a rough past week. I know it will get better for me. And it will get better for you too.

 

Here's a strange feeling: Sometimes, it almost seems like I would rather see that she has someone new in her life just so that I could put hope to rest. Although, that would be a very difficult thing for me to handle. If she's not for me, maybe the right one will come very quickly.

[hoping]

man...that long.....it seems so long....god....i feel like i cant even take another week of what im doin now....

[hoping]

well what else do u guys think....how often do girls go back to guys if the girl was the dumper??

[tigerwalk]

Hoping,

It is my belief that it is very rare for a girl dumper to go back to the guy. If not rare, then a whole lot less common than a guy dumper going back to the guy.

 

As the guy dumpee, I feel like my only chance to get back together with my ex is to leave her alone. If she contacts me, great. Otherwise, we almost have to start all over again. Try down the road to ask her out for dinner, have a light conversation, and take it slow. But, that's down the road a bit. Before I do that, I need to get to a point that I will not be devastated if she says no.

[hoping]

yeah i definitly hear ya....but i've mentioned somewhere before....i believe in making something happen for myself...and not let fate take me the entire way...u kno? if u dun fight for ur woman, who will?? u understand my frustration? half of me is agreeing with what ur sayin...and is actually plannin the same thing as what u said...but the other half is sayin, u have nothing to lose even if u try....but if u dont try...u might lose that chance...u kno what i mean?? just confusing....what do u think?

[tigerwalk]

If you feel like you have nothing to lose by trying, and can handle the rejection if she doesn't respond the way you want, or at all, then I say go for it!

 

After a month of NC between me and my ex, she sent two emails on a Sunday & Monday. I took that as an open door, bought flowers & a card and took off work early to meet her on that Wednesday. She never responded to my messages or texts so I left the flowers & card on her doorstep. I never got a response so I drunk texted her on Saturday night. I finally got responses that she wasn't ready and to leave her alone (since I was drunk texting a lot).

 

If you can accept a response like that, then go for it. Otherwise, it's best to wait.

[Alperionce]

If you feel like you have nothing to lose by trying, and can handle the rejection if she doesn't respond the way you want, or at all, then I say go for it!

 

 

Yes, that is pretty good advice. I had one month of NC from her completely. One day I felt really good, and accepted that I could go on with out her, and I was okay if she was with another guy. I felt inner peace in my mind, and body.

 

Getting to the point. I broke NC because I no longer thought I needed to heal. To use NC as a way to manipulate her to coming back wasn't something I was comfortable with, so I no longer needed NC if I'm healed. I gave her a long email, and she told me she would reply. She said that she was thinking about me, and that she loved to talk to me.

 

I made a few crucial mistakes. I rushed her, and I gave her another email when I was emotional, not overly, but enough to make her irritated and annoyed. She eventually put an away msg on me, which i didn't do too much, I just asked her how she was. The final straw was when she blocked me on aim. I didn't deserve that, or anything close to that. She was the one that gave me mixed msgs,however; blocking me from aim is as clear as you can get. And then I say to myself that if it was meant to be, then this wouldn't have happened, whether I waited a month, or a year.

 

I was sad, but, I wasn't devastate, just disapointed because I thought my ex was something different than what I'm seeing here at enotalone. That she wouldn't treat me that way. At least i gave her a chance. It was her birthday, and I wished her a very good one and haven't contacted her yet.

 

I guess I dont' regret contacting her. Just be stable when contacting the ex. I almost achieved that, but not to the fullest extent that I would've liked to. I know in my heart that I have done nothing critically wrong in the relationship. I did all I could. I'm starting to date now. So I'm moving on Finally.

 

I have learned a lot!

[hoping]

well....after speaking to multiple female friends....they all adviced me to do this 1 thing.....after a week of NC...they said...write her a letter and tell her how YOU feel, dont worry about how she feels, tell her what u've realized and what u've been thinking about.......and so i did....i wrote a letter to my ex of 1 week...just to mention, i was in a good state of mind...rational and clear....and i dropped it off in her mailbox.....

 

all my female friends justified this letter becuz they said...sometimes not knowing prolongs the pain than when u know for sure...and by telling her exactly how you feel...in a letter...ur respecting her space and time...and if she responds well...its game...if she doesn't...at least now u know for sure so u dont dwell on ur feelings....

 

what do u guys think? just keep in mind i already dropped off the letter...

[majord23]

hoping, what you did was absolutely fine.

 

Sometimes we need to get our feelings off our chest just so that we can be at peace with ourselves (knowing that we left no stone unturned). You were right to just discuss your feelings and not hers...you can't tell, or assume how someone else is feeling so leaving them out of any communication is the way to go.

 

You must leave it at that for now though. You've stated how you feel and she knows that...you shouldn't enter any more communication wit her or try to convince her to get back with you - the ball is totally in her court.

 

If you do want her back, take some time for yourself to heal using NC. Then, when you feel ready to enter a new relationship (and if she is someone you would be interested in doing so with), resume light, non-emotional communication with her and see how receptive she is to it.