After she broke it off with me, immediately going out with someone else from the job

[Tears May Fall]

can i ask one thing...i sometimes feel like i just need to talk to her like have a mature conversation, and let her know that i know about her and this other guy and i dont feel thats right...or just let it be and keep my mouth shut and just move along??

You know when u just want to sometimes get something off your chest...thats what it is

[gratefulpain]

early on I couldnt even have aheart to heart with her,,, she would start to push my buttons or place blame.. and immediately I would go on the defensive....

 

Best way (in beginning) atleast for me was to type an email draft.... I typed one about day 2 of my ordeal and kept adding to it... bla bla... trying to express myself to her, how she hurt me.. how I wanted to apologize for any harm to her bla bla,, very hurt sappy stuff....

 

I mad a few of these... every couple days I would write a new one.... whats interesting is that after I started the NC the letters kept getting different... almost as if I as I was going through the healing,,, my thoughts about the whole tihng started changing... some of the stuff I worte in the first draft like "i wish you the best" "I will always love you" "you hurt me so bad" "you were my best friend" I dont even feel like saying that anymore......

 

P.S. never sent them.......

 

hope it helps

 

 

And I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

 

~Garth Brooks ~ The Dance

[Tears May Fall]

gratefulpain, i dunno if you missed the whole point of my topic, was that i still see her at work alot, and so NC isn't really an option, even though i keep the contact only to whatever it is at work, since i work in a hospital, and we're constantly having to interact and discuss things amongst one another. Thats what makes it a little bit more different. BTW, her other guy, doesnt ever work the same shift as me and her, so id never see him anyway.

[lgirl]

just to add my 2 cents-worth here. the point about the karma thing is not actively wishing bad things to happen to yr ex. in my case, my ex was SO unnecessarily cruel and i have paid such a high price for it, i'm more wondering how could he get away with it while i'm still so bruised. surely what goes around comes around? you reap what you sow etc? as opposed to wishing it on him (tho' there have been times, hahaha!). i also understand that time is relative, so the karma due to him could happen 6 months, or 6 years from now. all i wish is that i knew he's going to get what he deserves...

[bcuzitwasfun]

Don't say or act like you know anything.

 

That is what is best for you even though you feel like you need to get it off your chest, or maybe you want closure. Keep cool, be yourself, since you work with her she is a business acquaintance. Not a friend and definatley not a girlfriend. Business has no emotions.

 

Hang in there and keep right on going!

bcuzitwasfun

[NR498E]

I just want to touch on this karma topic for a second.

I really believe in karma.Why,because every rotten,underhanded,and all around evil thing I've ever done has come back to bite me in the * * *, in some way, shape, or form.

I think if you take a long look at things you've done or have seen other people do that were truly wrong they paid for it, some way, some how.

Someone posted earlier that her ex cheated on her and left her for some chic a year ago and there still happy or whatever.Well,It can take years before something comes around and just because there relationship is good doesnt mean he won't pay for it in some shape or form.

Who knows?Maybe they will get married and then in ten years she will leave him.Or maybe he'll grow to hate her but he won't have the balls to leave her and live miserabley.Anything can happen.

I think the best thing anyone can do is just move on and forget about it.Because it really doesnt matter to you anymore anyway.

[curlygirl47]

My conscience is bothering me today really bad because I said some vicious, below the belt, private things about my ex to two other people at the bar when I was hurt, angry, and drunk. I am ashamed of doing that, despite how he has hurt me. My mother taught me to take the high road, and I really took the low road that time. I have already told one of the people that I regret saying what I did, and I'll tell the other one the next time I see him. It may be too late, and what I said may get back to P. If it does, it will hurt him terribly --- perhaps more than anything else I could have said. I just wanted to admit this to you guys because in our pain we can be just as cruel as those who hurt us if we are not careful --- and we have to live with those regrets. I imagine those who hurt us have regrets, also.

[drbombay]

Tears May Fall,

 

Boy do I know what you're going through! I broke up with my 3 month relationship with a nurse at the hospital I work at and it has been tough! I probably don't see her as much as you see your ex (I'm one of the computer guys and I'm all over the place and she is a nurse stationed on one patient wing) but when I do see her it's awkard city....

 

Don't let it get to you too bad. I've dated 3 women at the hospital I work at and believe me the awkardness does pass over time. I kinda laugh at it now with the last 2 but I know that I will feel the same way in a few months. When you see her just be friendly and nice (as hard as knowing she is seeing someone else at the hospital can be) -- if you show jealousy and anger, she still has power over your emotions and that's never a good thing.

 

There's gotta be another cute nurse lurking around there somewhere for you to date!

 

DrBombay

[temujin]

Ok I am a devout buddhist so all these interpretations of karma is bothering me.

 

Karma isn't retribution.

 

Karma is cause and effect.

 

So what she did to you isn't really going happen to her. It may (the guy might dump her) or it may not (they get married happily after).

 

Since you have no way to cause anything to her anymore, short of violence or something that will really get you a restraining order, what matters more is you. The effect that this break up cause to you.

 

You can wallow in self destructive pinning for her or you can understand that your pain is simply caused by your inability to let go of your desire for her. You desire her because you thought that she will make you happy again and remove your pain. But even if that happens, will you be truly happy? Maybe for a while, maybe you might get married for the next 20 years but if it never worked out, it will never work out because when you never let go, you never learn, the same old problems will surface again and frankly a divorce after so many years is going to more painful that what you are going through.

 

So, let go, reflect on what went wrong and next time you will be wiser. O, if you want a word of comfort, being alone is the only way for you to truly change yourself internally and prepare yourself better for the next relationship. I doubt this relationship will be her last (probably she will suffer more than you when she gets it) because she never got a chance to truly reflect and learn. And that is a possible effect of jumping into a relationship when your feelings are still confused. Or she might have the maturity to sort through her feelings before falling blindly in love. Then again, why does it bother you? Move on.

[lgirl]

temujin,

 

cause and effect: exes who act like an a$$hole, thereforeeee their actions (cruelty, unkindness) will come back on them - if you put negativity out there, you will get it back. that's what karma means - you do someone wrong and wrong will be done to you at some point; do something good and good happens. if you hit someone, sooner or later someone's going to hit you. i'm putting this simply, but that's the net effect.

 

cruelty never goes unpunished by the universe, you should know that.

 

PS if it was so easy to move on, this forum would be empty. why does it bother us that we want our exes to suffer/pay the price for what they did? b/c they did wrong and they hurt us when they could have avoided it (ie cheating, lying) - in my exbf's case he was unspeakably cruel and he will pay for that - his karma, the consequences of his behaviour will come back to him (he has lost me for one). that is cause and effect.

[temujin]

hmmm.. ok that was a strong reponse... but having being through the stage and throughly made bitter enemies with my ex forever.. well i understand the desire to see something happen to them..

 

maybe I should just make it simple..

 

Point is, you are better off when u had moved on and will feel nothing even if you somehow know that your ex jumped from you into an abusive partner from hell and is suffering from it.

 

Revenge is never sweet and you get your own karma (by your interpretation) by

enjoying the revenge.

 

And no, cruelty is not always punished as much as we wish for fairness and justice in this world. But the ability to forgive and move on is always rewarded.

[dstanzler]

I am surprised that it has not occurred to any of you that she is possibly rebounding.

 

It's pretty normal for someone to break off a relashionship and jump into a new one with somebody close and convenient.

 

For women this is especially easy. Find a guy who is close: friend, co-worker, someone who has displayed sexual interest-- and date them.

 

You are hurt and betrayed but I sense you still like her-- keep in mind the feeling works both ways.

 

BTW: I think its fine to vent to co-workers and friends. Do whatever you need to make you feel better. Being optimistic towards the situation might make things better for your life and in time might bring her back.

 

Dave