Are My Parent's Normal???

[serve_the_people]

Hey,

 

I have been having some problems with my parents. I am 22, but they don't seem to be giving me any trust or any freedom. Its unfair, because I have never done anything to betray thier trust - never been drunk, never done drugs, never had sex, never cheated on a test, never had a ticket or been in an accident - and yet they never trust me.

 

If I go out at night, they usually won't sleep until I get back home. But because they need to get to bed, this means i am never allowed later than 11pm. Is it normal for parents to refuse to sleep until thier child (who is 22) comes home????? Esp. considering that I we live in one of the safest neighbourhoods in the country?????

 

Some of parents fears are completely irrational. For example, I was banned from driving my "little brother" who I mentor through the Big Brothers mentorship program because my parents feared being sued for 2 million dollars if there was an accident, and they only have 1 million in insurance. That was a lot of #$#$ becuase in my country, wrong ful death lawsuits almost never top $100,000....no one needs 2 million insurance. Also, one would have to proof negligence to be sued, and I am not a negligent driver. I have 5 years driving experience, and no accidents or tickets, but my parents still won't let me go (they eventually let me go if I promised I would only drive along the quiet (slow) back farm roads to the destination....

 

my parents irrational fears are making my life hell.....its not fair. I am a responsible person, and have done nothing to break thier trust, but they still won't trust me. This really hurts me.

[Lily04]

Woah. My parents are also totally overprotective, but since I'm generally a very independent person I couldn't handle it... even though I only live an hr. from school, I insisted on living on residence first year and this year because I think I would have went insane. My parents are also crazy about me driving (one reason I still don't have my license is because they're horrible people to drive with and who can I practice driving with at first except your parents?) My parents also wouldn't go to bed until I did when I was younger although they'd still let me stay later if I wanted. An 11:00 pm curfew is ridiculous, seriously at your age you shouldn't even have a curfew... it's entirely reasonable to be living on your own at your age. How else are you going to learn about your independence?

 

Do you attend college? Maybe tell your parents it would benefit your learning/studies if you lived on your own (my excuse anyway). If it's in my educational benefit my parents will pretty much support anything... I said it would be great to only be a 5 mins. walk from the library, etc. etc. Otherwise you have to lay down some guideliness. Tell them you need certain things, like no curfews and a greater degree of trust, because you're 22 and need to be treated like an adult... I would just say it plainly. And believe me, my Dad is crazy... like he threw a fit when I told him I would live on my own... I had to hide the apartment details from him and did all the searching by myself, got the down payment from my grandparents, and appealed my student loan amount to have enough money without telling my parents... I mean ultimately you get to a point where you have to make your own decisions.

 

I decided that living away from home was important enough to me to take on a small student loan... it's up to you. Investigate your options. But if you live there, above all establish some ground rules. You're an adult too, you should be treated like one.

[Lily04]

Also, did you just edit out your age? I could have swore it said you were 22.. but maybe not...

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Yeargh.

 

What alarms me most is the curfew ideas they have RE a 22 year old - there's some serious not-letting-go issues going on here!

Was there anything in your childhood that made your parents really quite concerned about you - like, were you ever ill or anything? I'm just trying to look for a reason here..

What were your parents' adolescences like, were they ever in any kind of trouble that might make them very eager to rectify their mistakes through you?

 

xxx

[yeawutever]

Yup, move out of the house. U aren't gonna have any freedom if u still living under their roof.

[renaissancewoman101]

Parents can be like that, overprotective. My parents are. I am 32 right now, I dont live at home though. I live about two hours away from my folks. Nowadays, when I do go home to visit my mom doesnt like it when I leave their house too late. She doesnt like me to drive late at night. When I was living in Milwaukee and coming home to visit twice a year, she would get mad at me when I wanted to go out at night with my friends and I would come home late like midnight. She would wait up for me, etc. and worry about me. One time, when I was about 21 or 22, I came home from college and my parents got mad at me for going over to a friend who lived an hour from me because she lived on the other side of LA and I had to change 2 different freeways to get there. My mom was afraid that I would get lost in the bad areas and when I came home real late that night, my mother was very angry and very worried. I have just learned to deal with it when I can.

[coollady1957]

First of all why are you still living at home at age 22? Do you go to school or work? What is the reason you still live in your parents home?

I am a parent of a 19 year old son and a 24 year old daughter. Its normal to be concerned about your children and their activities and their whereabouts. However your parents seem to be going a bit over board, since you have never given them any reason that they should distrust you.

My kids both moved out when they were 18. My daughter to attend college and my son to join the military.

I would suggest if you have the means, to move out and get your own place. As long as you live under their roof, it sounds like they are going to want to control what you do and when and for how long. I find an 11 pm curfew for a 22 year old quite strange.

My son did live back home with me for three months after his military training was complete, at which time he was 19. He paid his own way for all of his expenses here at home during that time. He never asked me for anything, and took responsibility for his own actions as an adult. If he went out at night, I looked at it as , he is an adult, taking care of himself. He was sweet enough to tell me he was going out. I felt that he was old enough to decide when he needed, or had to come home.

Hopefully you and your parents can come to an agreement on all this , or else , as I said earlier, MOVE OUT .

[Ians Mommy]

Woah. If I was 22 and my parents gave me a curfew, I'd tell them to go shove the curfew up their * * * * *. Excuse my language but that's completely rediculous!

[fishrrshortae]

The bottom line is, if you don't assert yourself as an adult, your parents will never feel the need to forfeit control over to you. This is an issue you're going to have to force out of them.. ie. moving out, taking responsibility of your own bills. Look for roommates if you can find dependable ones, keep your own money without parental access to it, and take over your own bills.

[Coop987]

Woah... See i have incredibly overprotective parents...but even saying that...they are not THAT protective..You need to stand up to them and tell them how you are feeling...I mean come on...U are 22 years old. Since you sound like a very responsible ADULT...KEY WORD should allow you to have some freedoms...