I'm such a

[solo34]

Than it looks like U solved your own dilemma, MarkM. Go 4 it, man.

 

-Solo34

[markm]

Nope...

 

And I really think you should go try and get her back...

 

explaination?

[solo34]

He's being sarcastic...he's telling U that you're going 2 have 2 learn the hard way.

 

-Solo34

[markm]

Ok.

Well I just sent her a text to tell her she the last of her mail was delivered here today.

No harm in that.

It's what happened yesterday.

[Scout]

Dont' you think this situation is different.

She was the one that was chasing me all this time and I was not showing her love.

If I proceed with too much N/C she may think it's the same old me and just get fed up.

She is looking for someone to make her feel good right now and she may just get tired of me with the NC and get closer to the new guy.

 

I honestly don't know if the situation is different. It seems to me you've chased her before...when you flew to see her despite her saying no.

 

All I can tell you is if this relationship does not work out again, I hope you will see the devastating effects of neglecting someone, not showing them love, when you are first with them. It really sets the stage from the beginning.

 

One also has to ask why she stayed with you if you neglected her so long. Could it be that was when she was the most interested - when you weren't? And now that are you - she isn't so much?

 

It doesn't sound like this relationship has ever experienced a length of time where both of you were on the same page, and definitely not right now. Why do you think things would change at this point?

[friscodj]

explaination?

 

You guys have been playing this cat-and-mouse-contact-no-contact, secretly-check-her-email, emotionally misguided game with each other for so long that the only way to get out of it is to wring it out and exhaust it until there's nothing left...

 

Just go for it...the situation will explain itself...

[friscodj]

All I can tell you is if this relationship does not work out again, I hope you will see the devastating effects of neglecting someone, not showing them love, when you are first with them. It really sets the stage from the beginning.

 

I think we reached the conclusion in earlier posts that he was doing this because he deep down inside knew the relationship was wrong...that she was not for him...

 

And now he wants to get back with her????? Probably because of jealously generated by her new relationship, detachment, suddenly being alone and facing grief...

 

Mark, go for it already...we'll be here...

[markm]

Ok.

Well I just sent her a text to tell her she the last of her mail was delivered here today.

No harm in that.

It's what happened yesterday.

[friscodj]

Ok.

Well I just sent her a text to tell her she the last of her mail was delivered here today.

No harm in that.

It's what happened yesterday.

 

Mark, seriously, if you really feel like this (trying to get back together) is what needs to be done, then do it...seriously...

[markm]

Mark, seriously, if you really feel like this (trying to get back together) is what needs to be done, then do it...seriously...

 

Well, last night when she came over seemed so good.

But, I don't want to have false hope.

I also don't want to let you guys down, and hurt myself in the process.

I'll see how she responds to the text about her mail.

She is a nurse and is working as we speak.

She gets very busy and is not able to carry her phone with her.

Might take her a bit to get the text message.

[savannahohsavannah]

Some things, when they get tangled never come undone and have to be cut loose.

[friscodj]

Well, last night when she came over seemed so good.

But, I don't want to have false hope.

I also don't want to let you guys down, and hurt myself in the process.

I'll see how she responds to the text about her mail.

She is a nurse and is working as we speak.

She gets very busy and is not able to carry her phone with her.

Might take her a bit to get the text message.

 

Mark, don't let other people live your life for you. If you feel deep down this is what you really and truly want, then go for it...don't live with "what if's"...

 

It's really a win-win situation. You talk, get back together, you get another chance and get to be with her for a while. You talk, she says no, you've got closure...the pain will happen either way I think...

 

I do urge you to re-read the entirety of this thread before you act though...and sleep on it...

[markm]

Just an FYI:

She is a travel nurse and is from Wisconsin where she has a HUGE family.

As a travel nurse, she chooses any city in the U.S. to work and get free housing.

We met on her 1st assignment here in Phoenix, Arizona.

She has been to a few other places.

She has ALWAYS complained about Arizona and constantly talks about going back to Wisconsin becuase she misses her family al the time.

Well, while we were talking yesterday she says the UNTHINKABLE!

She says that she is now trying to extend her contract here in Phoenix.

I asked why, and she said that she likes her hospital and it is hard to leave.

I then said, "i guess this new relationship makes is tough to leave too"

She just kind of shrugged her shoulders at that.

I asked why she wasn't going back to Wisconsin since she always misses her family.

She said that she doesn't know if she wants to go back.

WOW! What a change! I was dumbfounded.

As she was saying all this she was teary eyed and appeared emotional.

I wondered if she was afraid that she would never see me again, or was is poosibly the new guy?

Perhaps she is not ready to let go?

I'm sure she realized that if she leaves, we will never see eachother again.

[markm]

Well, went to her house last night.

I didn't even knock on her door or anything.

She was on the phone and her window was wide open.

I could hear everything.

Well, it wasn't good.

She was talking to a friend about the new guy.

She was all upset that he had broke if off with her tonight (again) because she came to my house to pick up her mail the night before.

He said she should have sent her friend to pick it up.

He broke it off once before after she came to my B-day dinner at my parents.

He told her "that's it, 3 strikes and your out".

Jeez they've only known eachother a month.

And when he broke it off the first time (after my Bday party) he went out and slept with an ex-girlfriend.

She complained that he was always high on marijuana.

What the hell?

She hates guys who sleep around that's one big reason she liked me so much.

Also, she hates guys that smoke out all the time.

She went on and on how she likes this guy, and he is why she was going to extend her work contract in Arizona.

She said to her friend that it was over with me, and she wants the other guy to believe her.

She was also saying something about how the girls at work have warned her about him, that he dumps girls right after he sleeps with them.

The only good news I got from the conversation was that she had not slept with him, cause she wasn't ready for that yet.

But I'm sure that will happen in time, after they will undoubtedly get back togther a 2nd time in 2 weeks.

Well that made me feel like hell, and made me realize what was going on.

I went home.

Makes me wonder what the other night was all about.

Why was she crying and wanting to hug me and all of a sudden kiss?

Guess it was just a way to say goodbye.

A couple of weeks ago she was wanting to spend all this time together and Valentines. And now, nothing.

Well, she has more mail, so I guess they'll be over and done with after she picks it up.

[friscodj]

Haven't you figured out yet that this woman is a mess??? :shocked!:

 

I know you love her, but it really is time to make the decision to leave this situation my friend...

[Scout]

Mark, I feel your pain. Truly, I do. Not sure what else to say at this point, except that we're on your side, ok? So don't worry about "letting us down." We're here to support you, bottom line.

[Nathalie1970]

Mark,

 

I understand what you are going through (Trust me). It is so hard to let go knowing all the feelings are there, but as I have said in my own posts - at some point the heart has to get in line with what the head already knows.

 

We are all here for you....Chin up

[markm]

You know what guys.

I want to thank EVERYBODY!

For some reason I feel great right now.

I'm hoping it lasts.

She is going after some idiot that sleeps around, has a kid, and an ex wife apparently, and has broken it off with her twice in 1 month, LOL.

She's getting what she deserves at this point.

I am happy to move on, I don't need someone like her and her low self esteem to affect me at all.

I can do a lot better than her.

And I know I am better than that new guy.

I don't cheat on women, don't sleep around, I don't do drugs, never been married, no kids, great looking, own a great business, i have money, and lots of love to give!

Good riddance.

Bring on the next one!

[solo34]

MarkM...nice man! U finally seen the light! Great 4 U, homie!

 

-Solo34

[friscodj]

You know what guys.

I want to thank EVERYBODY!

For some reason I feel great right now.

I'm hoping it lasts.

She is going after some idiot that sleeps around, has a kid, and an ex wife apparently, and has broken it off with her twice in 1 month, LOL.

She's getting what she deserves at this point.

I am happy to move on, I don't need someone like her and her low self esteem to affect me at all.

I can do a lot better than her.

And I know I am better than that new guy.

I don't cheat on women, don't sleep around, I don't do drugs, never been married, no kids, great looking, own a great business, i have money, and lots of love to give!

Good riddance.

Bring on the next one!

 

Sounds good Mark. Just realize it isn't always going to be this positive and cheery. This breakup is still pretty fresh. You'll still have some ups and downs so be prepared for them! Just because you feel down, doesn't mean you should think about going back to her...it's just normal...

 

But yeah, sounds like things are picking up for you...

[markm]

Well, I'm still doing very well.

Found out the new guy broke up with her for good (for now).

She is totally in the dumps over it, LOL.

She called me 2 nights ago.

She told me the other guy broke it off for good, blah blah blah.

I said, "don't worry he'll be back. He's just punishing you and your gonna build him up in your head and do anything to get him back."

She told me that he has a kid and how she met the mother who is still friends with the guy.

Well, I already knew this.

I chuckled and said, "Really? That's classic"

Then I said, "Well, I think the last of your mail is here. I'm putting it outside under the mat. Come pick it up, but don't call me anymore. Goodbye."

So yesterday, I came home from work for lunch.

She comes over and gets some of the stuff I left outside for her.

One of the things I left for her was a t-shirt she bought me.

She took it and brought it inside. I just said "Hello", then took the shirt and put it in the trash.

She says, "You can't even keep a shirt I gave you?"

I said, "No, I don't need it"

I wasn't sure if she wanted to talk at all, but I basically ignored her.

She walked outside and got into her car.

So I went outside and walke toward the mailbox.

She stops the car and asks, "are you gettin the mail?"

"Yes" I said.

She asks if I wanted a ride to the mailbox, I declined.

I checked the mail, and she gets out of the car.

I said, "No mail, you're good"

Then I asked, "So did things work out last night?"

She said, "No, I told you it was over"

I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "Oh well"

I just walked away and never turned back.

 

Of course, I still think of her and wish things could have been different.

But, I am also very excited about my next relationship and applying the things I have learned over the past 3 years.

I am tempted to call, but I won't.

I am sure the other guy will take her back anyway, but she deserves exactly what she's getting.

[Scout]

Wow. I can't say I would have had that kind of strength and resolve. I'm impressed. You should really take note of what is happening here: you're learning that while you have a lot of love to give, it's important you be selective on who you give it to. Because lasting, mutually supportive relationships are definitely going to require work, but when one person is doing the majority of that work, it's unbalanced and rarely pans out.

 

I'm glad you're excited about applying what you've learned to a new relationship. Too many guys - and women - get so bitter from a disastrous relationship, they tend to think the entire opposite gender is going to be like their ex, and of course, that's not true.

[markm]

Well I did a stupid thing yesterday.

I called her.

She was in the car with her friends.

We started to chat and then it turned into her arguing with me.

She kept putting words in my mouth and I was constantly having to correct her.

I had felt bad for ignoring her when she came over the other day.

I asked if she wanted to come over for a movie.

She said it wasn't a good idea.

So I asked why she never wants to spend time together.

She said it was becase it is still hard to let go and there is still feelings there.

She then said how she didn't want to give me false hope by doing things she did the other day, such as asking for a hug and almost kissing me.

She was raising her voice at me on the phone and I just remained calm.

But, She kept twisting all of my words and I must have sounded like the worlds biggest jackazz to her friends in the car.

I ended the conversation by saying "I called to have a pleasant conversation, I'm gonna let you go now."

Now I feel a bit worse.

I miss her and I'm confused.

I'm not down in the dumps or anything, but I am now wishing she was here.

There was one good thing about the conversation......

It reminded me that I CANNOT have an intelligent conversation with her.

That is one thing that drove me nuts about her.

She cannot comprehend logic, and always puts words in my mouth and twists the truth.

Well, no more of that.

I added the this text banner on my cell: "Never Call Again"

Hopefully that will knock some sense into my head next time I do someting stupid.

[Scout]

Remember when Friscodj said that when you have the feelings of missing her, it's not a sign you should call her or be with her? This is very true. Start reminding yourself every time you want to contact her that each time before, you've just felt that much worse afterwards.

[markm]

Ok.

So I'm starting to feel bad again.

I cried today.

Haven't spoken to her since Friday.

I am so worried that she is snuggling/sleeping with another man.

I hate this right now.

I know she wasn't the right one.

I wish she was.

I keep wondering when I'll talk/see her again.

I am missing her.

I am staying strong though, and I am definatly not calling her.

I'm just gonna take the pain and deal with it.