possibiliti Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 It is a cry for help. So tired of still care, even NC can't stop the wandering mind. I want to make peace with myself. I want to feel indifference. Why to care somebody who doesn't want to have a life with you?! I feel weak and powerless to win over my stubborn mind. In gerenal NC helps, but most of the time I feel NC is: an escape - I am not able to face the truth somebody you used to share everything is no longer there. a hide away - Every bit of information, every change/progress in exs life I find out will crash me, will make my heart wrench. It might be "jealousy", but mostly it is beacuse I am no longer share it. a disguise - I am not strong enough to face all these drama. NC makes me invisible. I feel safe to be vulnerable when nobody is watching. If somebody ever reaches the tranquility of mind when thinking of exs, please share the secret/experience/strategy. In need of peace of mind. Link to comment
spunkykatt Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 The only thing I have found that helps ease the mind is time. Thats it, nothing else can hurry up the process, it just takes time to get over someone, and to move on. Im sure that we all would like a magic pill, or to read a certain article and POOF be over that one person we so desperately want in our lives, but unfortunately thats not how it goes. You have to work your way through the emotions in order to truly be able to move on in life and not wonder about that person. I dont think you will ever forget them though, but as time passes you learn how to deal with it, and eventually you do get over them. Then comes the times when you think about them and you dont have that ache anymore, just a memory...thats all, no more or less. Just gotta give a heart time to recover. Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Yes, I'll second that - the only thing that truly works is time unfortunately, there is no magic pill. After 1 month of NC (and 4 months since the break-up), I find I still have my low days and miss my ex. But I try to accept that I'm having a bad day and that tomorrow will be better. NC IS hard, and it doesn't stop me from wondering what my ex is up to / how he's doing, etc. But I still prefer NC to LC, i.e. knowing exactly what he's doing, who he's dating, what his plans for the future are (all plans that don't involve me). At least I can focus on me and work on my own plans. A friend of mine has been trying for almost three years to get 'Her Man' interested again - they're on / off like a yo-yo, and she's no further to healing than she was three years ago. Most days she's in a mess, and it's just not worth it. Although NC hurts right now, it will get easier, and if you keep it up it certainly won't take you three years to heal, trust me! Take care. Link to comment
Bethany Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 NC isn't to escape something or not face something or disguise your feelings. NC should be used to FACE what has happened, to deal with what's happened and heal your feelings. And until you understand that there there is NO place to hide from your feelings, you will stay in your NC 'Hell Hole' and keep hiding from the very thing that you are trying to move on from i.e. what has happened and your feelings of hurt and pain. You have to forgive, however hard this my be, and face what has happened, accept what has happened and use your time to heal yourself. Be good to yourself, understand yourself. Examine your feelings instead of running away from them by facing them. Accept that it's over, but also accept that you weren't to blame for everything that has happened. Accept just wasn't meant to be and know that there is hope and love passed this and you WILL recover. This is the way to find inner peace. Link to comment
octopus Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Think of what would change if you didn't do NC. Besides still be affected by every word, every form of contact from your ex, you'd have no time to be completely alone with yourself to heal. It would take you months, maybe years to get over your ex. Don't believe me? - Just browse thru some posts on the Getting Back Together forum. The truth is, in time, your sense of peace will come; but low days will come and go in cycles as well. One day you will feel "What's the point of wanting someone who doesn't want me?" and the next day you'll feel "maybe it was a blessing it didn't work out" and slowly you will have moved on. 1 month ago, it was absolutely impossible for me to even think one day I would think it'd be a blessing that we broke up. I think that today. WHy would I ever want to go back to a relationship when my partner felt like he wasn't feeling right? Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 NC has helped me take control of my life. My habit early on was to keep my cell on silent and leave it on the table. But I found myself always walking by the phone peeking to see if she called, then if she didnt I would start wondering what she was doing, re-living the pain and it would consume me for the next hour....I started getting angry re-visiting the pain etc. etc. So by turning my phone off I didnt know wheter she called or not and if she did it would go straight to VM and she rarely leaves a msg. NC has gave me some dignity. She can now wonder what I'm doing...which is working on myself reading posts , working out, and re-inventing me.... The tranquility/serenity comes in spurts for me now... what I like to do since I live in a major city is go to a higher elevation and look out at the city or at anything that puts my life in perspective. When i look out at something vast It makes me realize how many "other" fish there are in the sea.... and that there is someone out there for me again... Compared nothing she's everything Compared to everything she's nothing when I say that to myself i feel serene... hope it helps i know i babblin Link to comment
77streaks Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 i understand. i am on NC. its tough, i've gotta get my stuff back from him, and since i bought a second hand laptop from him, i need the password etc, its a pain. i don't feel like seeing him... in fact i ran into this girl whom he had a duboius relationship near my house, and i was just so irritated, whilst she just kept on chattering on and on. i feel alot of anger still. The only thing that keep me doing NC, is that it seems to have a cumulative benefit...cos moving on has a momentum, and that frail momentum can be halted by meeting the ex which triggers a mixture of emotions. hang in there yea...good luck.... Link to comment
possibiliti Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts. Those are very wise words. I really need to read them to keep it up. It somehow sheds some light on top of my personal "Hell Hole" ( love it... ) Harder than NC is to accept, to let go, to be patient and to find the right perspective. Gratefulpain, I really like your idea of taking the elevator to go high up, must feel good. I should try that. Link to comment
Diggitydave Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Yes, it's all about acceptance. Like NJRon said somewhere else around here, when it's over to you then you can move on. It has to be over to you and you have to realize there is someone else out there and it's not right now. Link to comment
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