DRB!!! waht do you think of?

[MatchBook]

DRB I really liked your post below, I have gone thorugh a breakup before and I really agree to what you are saying and i have felt the same way.

 

but I was just curious on what you think of my specific situation. I posted it but I have only gotten one response and i feel lik i need some more advice on my specific situation.

 

and if anyoe else has advice please please let me know what you think.

 

here is my story again:

 

I met this girl about 8 months ago. we dated for 1 month and everything was perfect and amzing. we were sooo compatible and got along soooo well.

 

then her ex (who never treated her well, cheated on her and broke up with her before) asks for her back and she leaves me. I was devastated , i mean really really hurt.

 

so I did no contact and really stuck by it and it worked withing two months I was almost copletetly over it.

 

so I date like a few girls and you know it was just like whatever, i wasnt really into them.

 

then 6 months from when she left me I randomly ran into her at my old house. and we started talking and it turns out her ex in fact broke up with her again just like everyone predicted. And she told me she wanted a second chance.

 

I was very reluctant at first but for the longest time I wanted this girl back and truly felt like we should have been together.

 

I understood why she left me and i felt that she was being very genuine and I could give her another chance.

 

so I did and we dated for 2 more months. however this time it was not the same.

 

we got into alot of fights about stuff. I think the whole deal was that I could not trust her because I felt like any minute she was just gonna leave me aghain for her ex or for someone else.

 

i tried soo hard to just forget about the past and try to trust her but I couldnt.

 

so of course there was jealously and worry always involved.

 

I felt like the whole time I was with her I was just waiting for her to break up with me, I felt like I had to do everything perfect and tend to her every need so she wouldnt break up with me.

 

so whatever we had our ups and downs but we always worked through the fights and stayed together.

 

 

then.....

 

 

on valentines day it was outr 2month aniversary and at this point we were serioulsy dating I mean we hung out all the time and we were exclusive and we oved eachother and things were pretty good and far as we hadnt fought in a little while and i felt like everything was cool. so i asked her if she wanted to be my boyfriend and make it offcial.

 

I had asked her that in the past and she always said that it was tooo early and that having a "boyfriend" made things toooo serious and that we fought alot and she wanted to make sure eveything was good before we got more official.

 

anyway she rejected my offer of making it official. she said that she didnt want a boyfriend ir serious relationship. for several reasons.

 

1) she is going to europe in 3 months for 30 days and while she is there she wants to have a free mind and not worry about anything and i guess not have a boyfriend.

 

2)she just turned 21, just made a bunch of new girlfriends and wants to have some fun and spend time with her friends etc.....

 

3)we get into alot of fights so why would she want to make me her boyfriend if we fight alot.

 

anyway this kinda made me upset, i mean this girl asked for me back told me how all she did for the past 6 months was think about me and want me back and love me but now she cant get serious with me. I was mad.

 

so we kinda broke up that night but we talked and worked it out again and said that we were just gonna continue doing what we were doing and see what happens in a few months before she goes to Europe.

 

for the next couple days everythig was cool, she came over to my house and was totally loving me and she was even afraid that I was getting over her. she was giving me sooo much attention, so i felt like everything was good.

 

then the next night we go out and again she is giving me tons of attention but toward the end of the night i feel al ittle akwars vibe coming off from her , so i call her when i come home and she says that she is not happty and that she does not see the relationshoip going anywhere.

 

so we talk the next day and yeah she ells me she wants to break up. she says she feels like we are not compatible and we fight too much and plus on top of all that she dosent want a serious relationship and she knows thats what i want but she dosent see herself wanting that

 

she said she feels like she has to try to hard to be with me and that her feelings are fading and that it dosent feel natural and right. feels like she is forcing herself.

 

so i was all bummed asked her for another chance i mean i gave her a seocnd chance she could at least give us another try but she insisted that we shouldnt and that that is not waht she wanted and that she was done.

 

so thats it.

 

I am really really bummed out right now I mean it really really hurts alot. I opened my heart up to this girl after she already ripped it out once and she ripped it out again.

 

I mean the hardest thing is that I dont feell like we were not compatable. alot of our fights were because of trust issues i mean from the past becuase she left me once i was sooo afraid she was going to do it again.

 

I mean I feel like I messed everything up.

 

i feel like I shouldnt have asked her to get serious on valentines day and that if I would have just left everything alone this wouldnt have happened.

 

why do i feel this way I mean I feel like i was wrong, i was tooooo insecure and that I should have trusted her.

 

I cant eat I cant sleep, i am a total mess.

 

I really need some advice or words of comfort.

 

all i want to do is call her.

 

please help.

[madtolove]

I am so sorry to hear your story my friend. I had a girl like this a few months back. We got together when I started in my new store. We dated for about the same time and I found out she slept with her ex 2 months before we got together. She said she was pregant thru him and she was going to have an abortion. I didnt know what to do and she asked me to walk away which I did sort of bowed out.

 

I did like her alot but knew it was for the best. Anyway things happen and she got back with him for a week and ended it. She calls me and we dated for about 3 months and I had those feeling of trying to hard to keep her. But I guess I was a sort of rebound.

 

How we ended was we went to a pub for a drink where her friend worked and I felt something was not right with her and a guy who worked there. It turned out he liked her and he was texting her. I confronted her about this and she went mad saying I was stupid and told me to go away.

 

She went out with him 3 days after that. The hardest thing was we worked together and they only lasted about a week but she made out she was with him for about a month. I found all this out thru her friend who though she was and had treated me nasty. Lots of other things went on but I am not going to take over you post with my story.

 

Your not alone my friend and I didnt think I would feel better, I just felt used and lied too which is maybe what your feeling at the moment. The most stupid thing I did was chase and I gave her the power over me which I wont be doing again. I am in an akward situation with another girl but I have walked away from this one. I laughed when I first met her because she had problems like my ex. I though how unlucky but I figurered that it wasnt me.

 

You seem like a nice bloke and this girl is a waste of time. I know how hard it is to walk away but you must. I been reading this post and it has helped me so much to be strong and figure it might do you some good.

 

 

Take care

[DRB]

OK, It is rare for 21 yr old girls to know what they want in a relationship and in a guy. If you find one don't let her go.

 

I think you were just too accomodating to her merely for the fact that she left you for her ex that treated her very poorly. Now don't get in your head that girls only want the bad guy. They just want guys who they aren't so sure about and I bet she was sure about you. Were you too nice?. The fact that her ex could get any girl, he didn't care whether he was with her or not, and women have this idea sub consciously (you ask them and they will deny it) that they can change/tame a guy and that is what is so attractive, the stupid part is that if they do they will lose complete interest. Rememeber "its not a bug, its a feature of women". You can't change people, the only person you can change is yourself.

 

If you really want her back and thats a big IF, I suggest you start doing what you were doing before. Date other girls because it got your confidence back up and it got a reaction out of her. We all want what we can't have so if you aren't available it will kill her, at the moment she knows she can get you so she isn't attracted to you. Then if she does call and ask you out make her work for it, don't say "yeah ok, where and when?" say "I'm a busy right now and I'm kinda seeing someone else" and if she keeps pushing keep it along those lines for a couple more times. Don't make her work REAL hard though or she might give up. Just make her work a bit, picture what her ex said to her to get her back. When you do agree to see her make it casual such as drinks or coffee (not dinner) and put a time limit on "i can only stay for 20 mins" and as hard as it will be leave when the convo is going really good, leave it on a good note "thanks, I've got somewhere to be catch ya". It will blow her mind that you leaving the date so early and she will wonder what is up with you, what is wrong with her and she won't stop calling you.

 

I know this stuff is insane but its what works and you may as well do what works and not what doesn't.

 

The 3 reasons you she gave you for not wanting to make a commitment are just crap. I think I wrote in my last that girls don't know why they aren't attracted to you anymore, they just know they aren't. That was just an excuse from her and she couldn't give you a reason why. I can't stand it when you basically are her boyf but when you bring up that magic word they don't want to know about it. In hind sight you shouldn't have asked, like why did you need to ask? she was already acting like one so all you needed was a title. Don't worry its gone now and its a lesson learnt.

 

So to sum it up,

1. No Contact

2. Date other girls

3. If she doesn't call you drop her a very brief line asking whats up and how much your loving life (but only if you mean it, for the love of God don't say it if you don't mean it)

4. When she starts calling again make her work for your attention.

5. Then as unfortunate as it is continue to make her work for it because thats obviously what she wants in a man (some girls do, if you don't like it don't date her)

 

 

Or you could just wait until she figures out what she wants in a man and in a relationship but I wouldn't hold your breath.

 

catch ya

 

DRB