Where am I going?

[futureholdswhat]

I am a student at university in Scotland, UK, studying plant biology and soil science. As much as I love understanding everything about plants, I just don't know where I am going with my life in general. Coming from Ireland, I moved away in hope of finding myself at university with new people. And although I 'think' I have found my niche, I feel myself drawn away, to something..

I'm going on an expedition this summer to the jungles of Borneo for my research thesis, but where am I going after my studies? I always wanted to travel and see new things, I'm excited about this expedition and I'm going with a great team. But it's what's after it, I'm worried about.

 

At the moment I feel kind of restricted, that I need to travel and see the world in order to find myself. But now, I'm having doubts. I have a great life here, a wonderful girlfriend, my family in Ireland, but I'm being drawn away.. to something. I'm afraid. Perhaps what I hope to find, isn't there at all. So I come back disappointed from Borneo, not feeling happy about finding myself, or knowing what to do.. what then? Where do I go, do I continue travelling, seeing everything I can, in a search which may be end in vain? It seems a lovely idea, but it's a bit feeble. Never finding rest. Always searching. Always moving.

 

Don't get me wrong, in a way I really want to go, my family and girlfriend are 100% behind me. But it's the fear of not knowing what to do if I don't find anything. And I come back to nothing, after graduation and thinking 'what now'. Continue studying in an area of science which I adore, and have aspired to be since I was taught basic flower physiology at high school which sparked my interest (I gratefully thank my biology teacher for that)? Or travel, see the world, understand cultures, and use the knowledge I have gained over the years to help those less fortunate, to help them improve their quality of life. Or the penultimate, come home and work in some job which I will not be happy in.

 

I like the thought of going on expeditions, exploring, pushing scientific frontiers, expanding people's knowledge of their natural surroundings.To educate and tell them what's out there, be the eyes and ears for those who have not had the opportunity, or the interest, to see and learn about such majestic wonders. Report back to the world, so they too can know. But I fear I have the 'romantic' idea of exploration from the great Victorian explorer's like David Livingstone and Henry Morgan Stanley. Maybe they're not the best thing in order to find ones' self, as it's mostly something else which you are searching. Herein lies a small problem, perhaps I'm not ready to leave. This is the first time, on my own (minus my parents). I 'think' I want to do it.. I am going to do it. But what next..? Is that it? One expedition. Or another? And another?

 

The questions. The answers I so desire.

I understand I am not the only one to feel like this.

[hosswhispra]

I think you should go to Borneo--what an awesome opportunity. It's normal to feel unsure about the future. Especially, since it would be your first time away from 'home'--but you left Ireland to go to Scotland and you are doing fine, right? I don't know anyone who doesn't feel unsure about their future (including me).

 

However, you are young and if you don't take this wonderful opportunity you may feel some regret later on. Wow, it is truly an exciting time in your life....don't worry too much about your future. Things always fall into place--one opportunity leads to another opportunity--most often in life.

 

Just reading your description of the whole thing made my mind wander to interesting places! I say go for it and wish you good luck in your explorations!

 

Prayers,

hosswhispra

[hosswhispra]

Read the book: The Alchemist, it's by Paulo Coehlo and following your heart and dreams. I love this book--it's so inspiring and has such a true message in it.

 

hosswhispra

[Aporia]

well i'm at a confusing stage in my life too i'm wondering should i go to ucd/trinity next year after finishing my leaving or do something else in limerick. whatever path i will choose will have a dramatic impact on my life.

 

i know it's a completely different situation but i can relate to how your feeling. i think you should go to borneo too and as hosswhispra said ''things always fall in place'' you might aswell see how things get on - will you get this oppertunity again. make one decsion at a time.

[futureholdswhat]

I will read the above book hosswhispra, and thanks for your replies