becky23 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I have been fighting a lot lately.. I do trust him now, but our issue is the fights. Everything I do seems to irritate him. He has always been like that... On Saturday, i went into starbucks to get a newspaper, and the line was sooo long, it took about 10 min just to get a paper! We live in LA, so the crowds and people are starting to become so overwhelming. So I get back to the car, and I was just ticked off that the line was so big, and the crowd so large. NEITHER of us said anything on the ride home. Then when we pull up in the driveway, he says, "so, are you giving me your little girl attitude right now??" I said, "No, Im just really frustrated at all the crowds and people lately" His response was, "Well, do you have to reflect it onto our relationship??" It went downhill from there. He started to call me lazy, a child, and he told me that the relationship is always on HIS shoulders. Just started lashing out at me. He does this a lot by the way, when we get into fights, he starts calling me names, a child, lazy.... Anyways, he could not let the fact that I had an "attitude" go, and I left his place. On the phone all he did was yell, tell me to shut up, hang up on me. he feels my "attitude" is a repetitive thing, and it may be, but its never an attitude directed towards him, its only when I get frustrated at the traffic and the crowds that I get a little quiet, but NEVER have i yelled at him or called him names. I have to put up with his temper, and his crap too, but when I do anything, he hold a grudge for sooo long, and he makes me pay through cruelty and put downs.. Is this normal when couples fight, or is this just the permanent makeup of him? He is 11 years older than me, and I am so loyal and loving to him, and maybe he takes advantage that Ive put up with a lot of his crap, so he can do anything he wants to me. He just gets SO cruel everytime we fight, and the fact that he makes me pay for days just for having an attitude is wearing on me.. Link to comment
calgaryguy Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 hmmmm I dont really know what to tell you but usually when little things start irritating your partner its a sure sign of the relationship coming to an end. I would start spending less time with him, give him some space and that way it might all work out. Good Luck. Link to comment
Itsok Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I'm sorry to say yours doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. He is very negative towards you, you are both annoyed with one another on a frequent basis it seems, and you fight over menial issues. It also sounds like the relationship is going downhill to me as well. If I were you, I would also give him some space...not only for his sake, but for yours too. He sounds somewhat abusive in my opinion...If you are questioning the relationship, now is the time to take an objective look at things and decide if it is worth continuing. Link to comment
ratherbesailing Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 becky - There are plenty of guys out there that would never treat you this way. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I get the impression he feels he may have some "possesive" tendencies over you. I agree with calgaryguy that when someone starts getting constantly irritated with things (ie the way you breathe...or so forth) it's a good sign they are pulling away from the relationship or have a negative attitude towards the relationship as a whole. I would say the cruelty and verbal abuse are NOT right or just to you, and very horrible conflict resolution skills that will eat away at you over time and your self esteem. I sense a lot of resentment and hostility, which does not reflect a healthy, stable, loving partnership. I say you need to sit down and discuss how that cruelty affects you, and see how he responds, but honestly if it's been going on a while and does not change, I would suggest you leave this relationship before you begin to believe you "deserve it" which does happen over time. You deserve to be treated with love and respect - EVEN when you are in disagreement. Link to comment
becky23 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 Thank you all for your responses. He DOES tell me that because of how much older he is than me, and that he is the man, he does have a "ranking" over me. He tells me im lazy if I don't want to jump right up and go get him a sandewhich sometimes. i try to clean his apartment, but he just says thank you, but you mess it up too. Its never good enough, and he does feel that he has authority over me. This isn't right, even if I am 11 years younger than him, right?? I believe that we are both equal, regardless if Im a woman or younger than him. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Your boyfriend's reactions sound like how my best friend and his bf is. My best friend's bf is constantly nagging at my best friend at how he does things. Nothing he does is good enough. If it is good, he always finds something else to pick on, to be upset about, etc. And his bf constantly monitors his phone calls, who he talks to on emails, what time he comes home, etc. To me, that is a sign of an insecure person. Maybe your bf is insecure about your relationship and worries about losing you, and/or maybe he is a control freak. My best friend's bf is a control freak. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Ranking? What a crock! If you aren't being treated as an equal, find a real guy. There are lots of them out there that aren't perfect, but far better than this jughead. Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Ranking? You're lazy because you don't ask how high when he says jump? I'm sorry to say I think your relationship might be coming to an end. A healthy relationship is all about partnership, give and take. If he want's a maid so bad, maybe he should hire one. The fact that you came here to ask if this was something to break up over pretty much speaks for itself. Your gut is telling you that things aren't right. I would bet that if you stayed in your relationship that things would only get worse too. Go with your gut, do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Best of luck to you Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Thank you all for your responses. He DOES tell me that because of how much older he is than me, and that he is the man, he does have a "ranking" over me. He tells me im lazy if I don't want to jump right up and go get him a sandewhich sometimes. i try to clean his apartment, but he just says thank you, but you mess it up too. Its never good enough, and he does feel that he has authority over me. This isn't right, even if I am 11 years younger than him, right?? I believe that we are both equal, regardless if Im a woman or younger than him. No, that is not healthy! That is HORRIBLE, it would not matter if you were 30 years younger, you should have every right to expect a partnership and to be an equal. I personally would not settle for any less then that. Unfortunately you are not going to find it with this guy...I suggest you do leave before you even forget that you don't deserve this. Link to comment
Confessoress Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Oh dear. I was in a relationship where the man thought his decisions and wants came first because he was the man. Lets just say he's my ex now. Don't let him grind you down. Don't be his door mat, honey. Link to comment
keenan Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Are you kidding me?! He calls you names, yells at you, tells you to shut up, and pulls age rank on you? Is he your boyfriend, or a school yard bully? Honey, he's the child in this relationship. Do you actually *like* this guy? Because the word 'friend' in 'boyfriend' is the most important one. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I've seen better relationships on a soap opera! This guy needs a swift kick in the ego. Relationships are all about equality, if one person feels the need to be dominate over the other one, well let's just say good-bye. His controlling and condescending ways are very unhealthy and could actually shift from mental abuse to physical abuse. Age gap relationships often have a small imbalance but this is ridiculous! My wife is 11 years younger than me and the only thing I dominate her on is playing Trivial Pursuit, the 70's edition. Find a less self-righteous adult to have a relationship with, next thing you know he will have you calling him Daddy! RC Link to comment
becky23 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 You guys are great! You have opened my eyes. Age should NOT matter, and if its such a problem for this man, than he shouldn't have started dating me in the first place. I thought for an instance there that maybe I was supposed to do what he says in ways because I AM younger, but you have all cleared up my head and put me back in my place. He is mistreating me, and there are men out there that won't! Link to comment
Confessoress Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 My wife is 11 years younger than me and the only thing I dominate her on is playing Trivial Pursuit, the 70's edition. ROTFL! Hehehe... Link to comment
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