Want to marry, but waiting sucks.

[littlepinkpunk]

I have been with the same person for three years + and i have thought of marriage for a while now. It is something we have talked about, but we know we have to way. We are young, both college freshmen, but i have felt like i am really ready to be with him for a long time now. It seems that it is understood that we will always be together, but i don't really know what to do from here.

He is stable, i am not. I have gone away for college, but i am returning next semester. He is well pay at his job...a nice salary. I am unemployed, but willing to work when i return home. The program i intend to do will lead to a job in two years or so, and i will use that for the rest of school... i plan to go to medical school.

But right now i want more. i feel like i am ready to have a life with him.

I'm not sure what i'm asking here. But i would appreciate whatever you have for me. i understand that i am not ready financially (and the like), but otherwise, i think i am. or atleast to start putting serious thought/talk into it.

[xmrth]

I have felt the same way in my relationship. I'm a year older than you and have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years now.

You have to understand that it is best to wait. Wait until you have money, wait until you are out of college and in a career.. all of that. Like you, my boyfriend is the one who is stable, has a high salary and all of that. But even if the two of you were stable right now with money and out of college and in a career... it's still so young.

[Süsser Tod]

You are still too young, a kid! Why do you have such a hurry to get married? Pleople drift apart, specially so early on their adult lifes, you are barely beggining to create the rest of your life, too many things are yet to be seen.

[BellaDonna]

I think if you know you want to be with him-there should be no rush to go get married. If it is meant to be, then it will happen when the time is right.

 

I waited to get married until after I finished my bachelor's and master's degrees. It is much easier to plan a wedding when you are not in college. It is also better financially.

 

I think my husband and I had one of the longest engagements ever before we actually tied the knot. There were things we wanted to accomplish first- like me getting my degrees/career path taken car of, him establishing his career, buying a home, etc. Things go much smoother when you lay the right foundation for your new marriage to begin on.

 

If you are seriously committed to one another- maybe you can wear a sign of your promise like a ring, charm, etc. You can talk about your future plans together, and look forward to them- without having to run to the alter just yet.

 

BellaDonna

[littlepinkpunk]

thank you all.

 

i would like to talk more about it with him. I don't really intend to get married anytime soon, its just that i have that strange urge. i know we will be together long enough to wait, and it is a much better idea to wait until we are both financially ready. i would hate to have a rocky start...

[Pixiemeat]

I get like this too, sporadic moments when I'm desperate to get married to my boyfriend (we're both 22, been together 4 years), but it always fades - not because I fall out of love with him, but because I remember that I should be practical - I've just got my first job, he's going to be a student for another 3 years, we don't live together, there's an issue of religious conversion to deal with. So just enjoy what you have together, and when the urge arrives, just ride the wave.

[littlepinkpunk]

to add to it, i am excited (not ready) to have a family with him. i know i'm not ready, i don't really feel ready, but i think i will be ready in the next few years.

I have always been a traditionalist, so i would like to be married and stable first, but i'm afraid of waiting too long. i don't want to feel to old to have children, and i like the fact of a young mother (young may be 22-ish to me..)

 

i don't know why i think so far ahead. i think its good for me to get this out and see that people are in the same boat, or have been.

Advice never hurts

 

thank you!

[RayKay]

I think it is normal to get those feelings time to time, as long as you can balance it with practicalities as well.

 

And trust me, I am not sure there is a magical age you "feel too old" to have kids. I used to think the same as you, and wanted kids young too...but I will say that I have gotten older, I am glad I have waited, and no I know I am still not ready. I know many women whom had their kids young (my mother included)

and while of course they love their kids, there are also things they wish they had done too. For me, I am going back to school next year, and it would of been far harder if I had children already...(doable, but very difficult), and I really don't think I am in the "right" place to have them yet...I want to spend a lot of time with my partner first just us, both before and after marriage, do a lot of things together, before we have children together. Of course if you want your family young that is perfectly fine too, but just make sure you are "ready" for that, don't do it as you fear getting "too old".

 

But ultimately, I am glad I have waited as I am more sure of whom *I* am which will help me in the long run, and also very sure my partner is the right one for me in marriage, and the right future father to my kids.

 

Just...let things grow naturally. When the time is right, you will both know.

 

Do you discuss marriage with him every "seriously"? Has he mentioned his future goals & plans when it comes to the relationship?

[littlepinkpunk]

we do speak very seriously about it from time to time and he understands me. but we both think logically together about it. He understands that i have these urges, but he is glad to know that i understand that we aren't ready.

 

We have both discussed out future plans. mostly about school, and where we would like to be in our life. But we are also the type to just ride it out..to just wait and see where our life takes us and we will know when we are ready for bigger steps.

But i have these urges to have bigger steps soon, but i don't understand what i want.

 

i think my questions have been answered for the most part. Just to know that many people experience this and DON'T lose the feeling is comforting.

i guess i'm just excited about the future that i'm so confident that we will have

[ShySoul]

It is natural to get the feeling of wanting to spend your life with a person. But if you are really serious and mean it, then you don't have to get married right away to do so. The wedding is just one day, the marriage to make things official. But the love and partnership exists on that day, each day before, and for all eternity after. You are still spending your life with each other, you just don't have the ring on your finger. This is not to take anything away from the importance of the day or the ring, or anything along that line. But it goes deeper, to the love you share. And that can be shared without officially being married.

 

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are stable and are fully ready.

 

littlepinkpunk - I wish you the best in your relationship.

[littlepinkpunk]

thank you for your wishes ShySoul

 

i think its more i want than just a ring or to say i'm married. infact that's not it at all. As i said i am prepaird and willing to wait, but i look forward to the days that i can wake up next to him, or come home to him... just to be with him. I know that i could probably live with him if that's what i wanted, but being such a traditionalist, i don't think it would be proper.

 

i understnad what needs to be done here, i'm just getting a little ancy.