No longer interested ... So why does he still txt??

[fishrrshortae]

Hey all,

 

I have a question I need help with... Answers from the men would be particularly needed.

 

Here's the situation:

 

I was dating a guy a while ago.. Unfortunately things went too fast, physically .. and now for the most part, it seems like he's not interested any more. I got this impression because I brought up wanting more time with him, and he just said that he is busy and didn't mention trying harder or anything.

 

Keep in mind, I got about one phone call a week from him. Most of our "conversations" consisted of a text a day. There were no other communications, like emails or anything ... So anyways, after he failed to say anything about trying to call more or meet up more, I basically gave up on him. I did NC, cold-turkey'd him and went out on other dates, and am currently doing my own thing, keeping busy. Still think about him though, wishing things didn't end up the way they did, but who wants to be with someone who says "Well, this is how it is, so make a decision."

 

Anyways, out of nowhere, he texts me the other night saying something like, "Going to bed now, but just wanted to say hello..."

 

All I responded back with was "hello.. goodnight".

 

I ask you, why would someone who's not interested keep in contact with you? Why bother?? P.S. the last time I talked to him, other than his text, was about a week ago.

 

Thanks for ur help every1!

[annie24]

Could be that he's using you as a backup plan.

 

Or maybe things did go too fast, and maybe he's just trying to go slow now.

 

Maybe now that you're moving on, his interest is piqued again!

[venus777]

hard to guess really. funny, a wise older friend (52) said women used to be mysterious, and now men have switched it on us and THEY are the mysterious ones now!!:splat:

[Emmylu]

Sorry to say I don't think he is interested. But you knew that. He thinks his text messages are highly valued by you and makes you happy. So he's sitting around waiting for the bus, the dentist, or generally bored and playing with his phone. Needs something to occupy his thumbs. Heck, why not be a nice guy and send a text message. Next time you get one from him, don't answer.

[JC3]

The first three months of a relationship are very volatile as people go through different stages because feelings can change very suddenly moreso during this period than any other stage of the relationship. I don't believe that he sent this text message at all by they are valued by her and to make her happy but more as in insurance policy because he wanted to see where you were with him. You did the BEST thing by dating other people and to continue to do and to meet new people so that you will find the man who is most compatible to you. A compatible man is a man who wants to be with you AS MUCH as you want to be with him. Anything else, just isn't worth the time that takes it figure it out because you need interaction on a weekly basis to determine the pieces of the puzzles. You don't know enough about this man to know that he is right for you or not and he has chosen to take away you learning the pieces that you need so you gotta keep looking for the man who can give you what you want. You have to decide what it is that you want and can accept from someone...stand your ground and don't deviate from that because the person you need to concerned about is yourself! As long as you are being true to yourself, then you will attract a healthy partner..a man who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him with no games. That is what you want and deserve! Good luck

[fishrrshortae]

Definitely... thanks for the advice..

I hadn't heard from him, other than that 2am text... then out of the blue he was on AIM and IM'd me today, I wasn't around to get it but all he said was "hope everything's well" .. I don't know whether to ignore him completely, be minimally polite, or what.

[beanpaper]

.. I don't know whether to ignore him completely, be minimally polite, or what.

I would fluctuate between the two. He'll get it eventually.

[JC3]

So did you talk to him yet? Did he contact you for Valentine's Day?

[gabodi]

Maybe he thinks you're not interested, and he's just trying not to pressure you or seem like a stalker or something. Do you show interest in him at all?

[fishrrshortae]

Here's what happened on Valentine's Day:

 

I was with my friend Mike and we went to the computer lab at school, and he was there. We just said "what's up" and tha'ts it... He left the lab without even saying a word to me. Didn't even say goodbye, just got up and left.

 

Then later he texts me just to say "it was nice seeing you, happy valentine's day!" We texted back and forth a bit, but that was it.

[gabodi]

I don't know. If that was me, I would do the same thing as him. I might of been a bit jealous, and would think that you weren't showing interest in me either.

[fishrrshortae]

I am definitely not showing interest .. because when I did, he seemed to push me away. It was annoying how he did it, he would basically pretend we would hang out when I'm sure he knew he had no intentions of it.. and then he would let me down at the last minute. So I am feeling good about walking away from it.

I just didn't know if he was contacting me for friendship..?? or trying to get sex???? I have no idea.

[gabodi]

I can understand how you feel. I'm going through something similar with a girl. She says she's very interested, but is always busy with school and work. Her schedule is pretty crazy, so she might be telling the truth. But it's hard to tell if someone's interested eh?

[fishrrshortae]

LOL well in my case I think I figured it out ..

 

If she is always busy that might be a problem for your relationship ... does she ever call to meet up with you, even little things, or does she call you to talk? I guess that's a few ways she'd show interest, speaking as a woman ..