acuratwinz Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I'm sorry for such a long post but I have so much on my mind... My girlfriend of 2.5 years and I have had our ups and downs. We've had our communication problems and family issues. Most have been resolved (in my eyes anyway). We have taken time apart only to rekindle our love. I've been going thru alot in my life lately. I quit my job and am taking over a family business, i recently got in trouble with the law (i'm not gonna go into that!). I work 7 days a week 8-10 hours a day. I sleep very little, and when i actually do get sleep, i still wake up exhausted. Needless to say i'm in a very stressful time in my life. Now, my girlfriend and I have discussed marriage and we decided that it would be better to put it off until we can pay for the entire wedding ourselves (my father wanted to pay), and also when we can honestly say that our relationship is good enough to warrant getting married. Just 3 days ago I was working and my gf called me and asked if i wanted to go over to her house after work. I told her that I was tired and that i wanted to stay home. She said ok and that she would call me later. Half an hour later she called me again and asked me if I was sure that I didn't want to go over to her place. I said yes i'm sure, i'm tired, I don't feel like going anywhere. Again, she said ok, i'll call you later. I'll admit I was not in a good mood and was giving her one word answers. After I finished work, she phoned me again. As soon as I answered the phone, she said "what the hell is wrong with you", and started going off the wall about how i'm boring and never want to do anything anymore and that it was the last straw and hung up on me. Needless to say I was very angry and decided to not call her back because I did not want this to turn into a heated argument. Afterall she did hang up on me right? I let a couple days pass before I give her a call, only to be answered by a rude "YES" when she picked up the phone. I began to explain myself but things turned for the worse and it became an argument about who's right and wrong. She basically says I have no life in me, i never want to do anything with her anymore. All I care about is this business, and I don't care about building the foundations of a good relationship. She says i'm boring, all I ever do is stay home in front of the computer or watching TV. I'll admit lately I haven't really felt good about myself and haven't been in the mood to go out to have fun, but is this really all my fault? According to her she blames all our problems on me. She has been really great to me, she thinks of me all the time and makes very nice gestures towards my family, but i've just been so overworked and stressed out that I really don't find it fun to do anything anymore. I'd rather stay home, save money for a rainy day, and build this business. I figured that since we were already talking about marriage that missing a date or two shouldn't affect the relationship the way it has... I guess i'm just so damn clueless about women in general. I mean if I work hard now and have a successful future shouldn't they be happy? If I act immature and go out everyday spending everything I earn, won't she be unhappy with me 5 years down the road when I am in financial ruins and I can't even support a family? I just don't know what my priorities should be at this point... Link to comment
lonely days Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 It's all about balance my friend. I'm not taking sides here but all she asked you to do was to go over to her place. You could have easily watched t.v or had a nice meal with her without really spending a significant amount of money. I think she just wanted you to spend some time with her and show her that she is important to you. I know from my own experiences that it is the small things that count. If you really wanted to be with her no matter how tired you were you would have made some effort or invited her to your place to hang with you! Link to comment
Scout Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 It's all about balance my friend. I'm not taking sides here but all she asked you to do was to go over to her place. You could have easily watched t.v or had a nice meal with her without really spending a significant amount of money. I think she just wanted you to spend some time with her and show her that she is important to you. I know from my own experiences that it is the small things that count. If you really wanted to be with her no matter how tired you were you would have made some effort or invited her to your place to hang with you! Yeah, I have to agree with this feedback, too. It seems like you're not balancing your work and relationship evenly at all. You also appear to be taking your girlfriend's love and commitment for granted, and I would suggest never doing that, no matter how long you're together. It sounds to me like she's reaching the end of her rope, too. Link to comment
Itsok Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Just because you are feeling stressed doesn't mean that your relationship should go on the back burner my friend. I agree with Scout that she is feeling that she's also at the end of her rope. It's also stressful for her when you are constantly working, and when you aren't working you don't want to spend any time with her anyhow. If I was her, I'd feel the same way. Certainly you can sit at home, not go on dates and save all your money...but if you don't show your girlfriend some love and attention in some other way, you'll soon have a valid reason to sit infront of the tv and computer all evening alone. Working constantly doesn't equal "yay I have a good provider" in a woman's mind. It equals "If I marry this guy he's never going to spend any time with me or our family because he's so overdevoted to his job." Link to comment
xmrth Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 My boyfriend has always been busy with work, but we always have our days. You should set aside at least 2-3 days a week where they are YOUR days that you two can count on spending together. And of course, try to see her in between, but don't take away one of your "days" when you see her for an extra one. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Well, I think actions speak louder than words, especially when time are not so easy. Maybe you didn't go over to her house not because you were too tired, but because deep inside yourself, you didn't really want to? And why didn't you really want to? Maybe the relationship wasn't really working out for you or you didn't really believe in it... So your actions may have spoken a deeper truth about the relationship and your feelings towards it... Don't kick yourself over it, the real truth of the situation may have come out through your actions. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 It always seems like when you have no money, you have all the time in the world but when you have money, you have no time. You both need to be on the same page as far as your relationship goes and your goals in life. She needs to appreciate your dedication to your business as you need to appreciate her in general. I understand the being tired concept and you don't ever own a business, it owns you! You need to manage your time better and include her or accept that you could lose her. Money is great but it can't buy love, you can build a successful business but is that enough? What good is it if you can't share it with the one you love? Make time for what's important. RC Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Make time for what's important. And going back to my earlier post...maybe a relationship just isn't important to you right now? Maybe...I don't know... That could be the bottom line in your situation... Link to comment
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