how to end it without hurting her too much ?

[bballjunkie]

We have been going out for quite a while now and i have realized that my feelings for her has gone down to virtually zip and i don't want to be together with her for the wrong reasons(she has a really hot body ) . I know i should just flat out tell her that we should break up but the thing is that everytime we talk over the phone or net etc.etc. she always tells me how much she loves me and how she would not know what to do if anything happened . I just need help from you guys how to end it without hurting her feelings and making her do stupid things . Your help is greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Oh btw this is a long distance relationship .

[raggamuffin]

Well whatever you do is going to hurt her and I think the only way to do it is to do it ASAP and just straight out tell her the honest truth about what you feel now, explain that you didnt mean it to happen it just did. Be fair to her and do it now. The longer you leave it the harder it will be for you and the more painful it will be for her.

[Katelyn55655]

I agree with Ragamuffin. You should move on if that's how you feel. The best way to break up is face to face but that's also the hardest. She may cry and carry on and even try to manipulate you into not breaking up so say it quick and walk away. Other alternatives are over the phone (2nd best), and email if you don't feel you can do it any other way. She will recover.

 

You don't have to be totally honest when breaking up. It's OK to soften the blow. Most people come up with explanations that they feel will be better tolerated than the whole truth.

[cruisin]

bballjunkie,

 

First, let me thank you for having the decency to even consider how to break up with someone without hurting her too much. That says a lot about you. I sure wish more people would do that.

 

Yes, I would say too, the sooner the better, but that doesn't mean fast and snappy. I would definitely start to talk about how you're having some problems with the relationship and how you've got to talk to her. This is a hard one since she's saying all this about how she doesn't know what she'd do without you but that's all the more reason really that you have to break this to her soon.

 

If at all possible though I would do it in person. There you can use all sorts of body language cues to hint at a bigger problem before coming out and saying it. You can be gentle without being cruel by for example giving her just a friendly hug when you meet instead of anything more passionate. You can break the whole thing to her or just do it in bits.

 

Really try to do it in person. If you can't then phone. Email is the pits. And I would tell the whole truth here. The worst truth for me would be, "there's someone else" but if you just don't have feelings for her then I would stick with the truth.

 

Remember though, it IS going to hurt. There's no way around that. What you do though will make all the difference between really hurting and wounding and just hurting. And it may take quite a long time for her to accept it but if you're consistent and don't give her anything to cling to that it's going to get better again, then she'll come to accept it eventually.

 

Good luck.

[Sup2]

Remember the golden rule here... #1 Always admit that the whole thing was your fault.

[bballjunkie]

thanks guys for the help and we will see how it goes laters .

[bballjunkie]

This place rocks !!

[Maggiebebe]

so you loved her, she still loves you, and you fell out of love, hey dont be ashamed, its your feelings, i mean hey, you need to talk to her about it and i dont mean, the "so i think we should take a break deal" no i mean go up to her FACE TO FACE (if you do it over the phone thats no good) and talk to her, i mean sit down and say listen i know things are going great, and i know i loved you (and if you still care about her please tell her) but things have changed, people change and sometimes your "partner" isn't changing at the same pace as you.

 

YOU need to realise that as her boyfriend you STILL need to respect her, you STILL need to be there for her, because there is a big difference in guys and girls, girls will break down at any moment, and its really hard when no one is there to say "im here as your best friend...."

 

please show that you love her but your not in love with her.

 

~i hope i helped.

 

~Maggie

[frani]

I was interested in the last line of your post -- that you were afraid of her repercussions. Is that what you are really afraid of? It's okay if you are, just trying to figure out where you are at with this.

 

If you just want to not hurt her, the best thing to do is to end it. She will need closure though. I would suggest that you tell her something like that you would like to see other people or something like that so that she figures there might still be hope. I only say this because as a woman, we live on hope like this. Soon, she will become bored with your lack of attention, especially since you are far away, and meet someone new. Yes, I know, but it does happen.

 

so, here's my advice, the best thing would be is to just be honest and tell her, but if you are afraid that it won't sink in or that she will want to retaliate then just cool it off and let it die a kind of natural death, but DO NOT see her or give her any real reason for her to have hope. Just allow her to play it out. She'll get tired of you starving her.