frani

My boyfriend (live-in 2 years, dating 3 before that, friends 2 before that) and I are having problems to say the least. Actually, right now he is out looking at apartments, so I guess it's over. What started the whole thing is that he said he wasn't sure he wanted to renew the lease which is over in December. I finally accepted that and we started getting along GREAT again. We had all the romantic and loving feelings we always had. Then the landlord sent me an email with the new rent and I guess I pushed my bf to be a little more specific. Well, given how great we'd been getting along, I was very hurt when he still didn't know what he wanted to do. Now, we are back to fighting and it seems like a vicious cycle. He pulls away and I start a fight which causes him to pull away more, but i can't seem to help myself because I am so hurt and insecure. I feel like I'm driving him into moving out sooner than he would have or that maybe if I had just continued to be cool he would have wanted to stay with me. Please, I need some thoughts from some of you.

I was interested in the last line of your post -- that you were afraid of her repercussions. Is that what you are really afraid of? It's okay if you are, just trying to figure out where you are at with this. If you just want to not hurt her, the best thing to do is to end it. She will need closure though. I would suggest that you tell her something like that you would like to see other people or something like that so that she figures there might still be hope. I only say this because as a woman, we live on hope like this. Soon, she will become bored with your lack of attention, especially since you are far away, and meet someone new. Yes, I know, but it does happen. so, here's my advice, the best thing would be is to just be honest and tell her, but if you are afraid that it won't sink in or that she will want to retaliate then just cool it off and let it die a kind of natural death, but DO NOT see her or give her any real reason for her to have hope. Just allow her to play it out. She'll get tired of you starving her.

Hi, You weren't very specific about your circumstances, your age range and if you meet girls/women at work or at school or in bars, etc. This is important because it makes a difference. Generally speaking though, it's just best to be direct and ask them if they'd like to see a movie or have dinner with you. I know it's hard but it gets easier.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years and now he's saying he doesn't know if he wants to live together past when the lease is over in December. He's not 100 per cent sure and might be willing to stay together as roommates. He wants us to just go through the summer and not really talk about it and just be "peaceful" but I keep wanting to talk about it. I don't know what to do. How do I keep a lid on my emotions. I know he's saying he wants out. I'm just in denial. I know that. It's just that I didn't see it coming. We were having arguments and stuff, but I thought that was natural to relationships. He just keeps saying now he might want to be alone. I'm so sad. Any advice would help.

I agree with the advice above. If you want to get married, then get married. You can't "live" your way into a marriage. It's okay to be engaged (with a ring and a date) but if you don't have that then it probably won't come while you are living together. The reason? He has no motivation to get married. You have to listen to what he's really telling you. Now, if you don't want to marry him or get married yet or just want to share expenses with him then living together for a couple of years might be a kind of fun experience. But I think you should sit yourself down and have a good honest talk with yourself. What do you really want? An honest answer will save you heartache later. I wish you the best.