teacup Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 well, im just going to concentrate on my stuff for now. i dont have to make a big decision right away. and because he's not going to call or anything anyways.....well, that will give me plenty of time and distance to see things clearly and see what i should do. in a few weeks i probably wont care anyways and will gain more motivation to find better ppl. thanks! Link to comment
BillyJean714 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Simple Answer: Just be yourself. Yes! You have to let your personality shine through. If a guy finds you attractive- great! But, it's your personality that keeps him around. If there's something unique about you, and you're not afraid to express yourself- that in itself translates to you being your OWN perfect charm. No need to chase. No need to play games- just be your own genuine authentic self, and put a smile on your face. I know how some people say that guys like mean girls, but think about it, reverse the situation a little- do you like mean guys? Do you like guys who play around? Or do you like a guy who's straightforward, honest, and just himself. If you stop being you- you deny yourself from finding someone who will truly love you for who you are. Instead, the facade you place by playing games will most likely win you the wrong type of person, someone who won't cherish you- someone who won't see your worth- because the fact that you playing games and not being yourself will cause you to feel a lack of confidence. Instead, turn the situation around. Be yourself. Have that attitude of: "Hey. This is ME. Take me as I am, or beat it." lol Btw, some girls try to act really fake/prissy/catty thinking that it will win a guy's attention- most often, when they put on that face, it just makes everyone else want to punch them out, if you know what I'm talkin about. Really, you're an adult- JUST be YOU. Good luck. If he can't like you for you, he ain't worth it! Link to comment
DN Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 come to think of it........i dont think he is in the same socioeconomic level as me. it's weird because he went to college and has his undergrad degree. but he just seems to be beneath my social and economic level. is that strange?? Not at all strange - judging from your previous posts I can see why you would not want to date a man you hold in contempt for not being as socially important as you and who earns less money than you require. Link to comment
teacup Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 it's not like that............. im seriously really crazy about this guy. i just really like him and i dont know why. i couldn't tell you why......and i usually meet lots of different guys and i dont like anyone. in fact, i dislike a lot of ppl in general. and there's been guys that like me and i dont like them. i dont want to be with him out of need as much as just.......want and liking. but im SO frightened and im SO scared. what if im missing all the red flags? i've freaked out on him a couple dozen times. usually a couple of cycles.....he's been nice to me and seems to be warming up to me but i dont understand him or his style and i get so worried. my thoughts just gnaw away and i become a bundle and mass of insecurities unfocused on myself and i just hate that. i dont want to be used and my past experiences seem to shadow it all..... but i like him..why do i think all these nasty thoughts? and say these nasty things about him? is it an effort to push or drive him away and to destroy it all before i can really get too close? is it me? is it him? .....i mean, i just don't know. i asked him today straight out "do you like me?" and he said "yes, i do." i was really happy....am.....happy......but still so insecure. i have some major work to do on me. i dont want to ruin this......i've never been in anything healthy before......so i dont even know or recognize what healthy is........all i know is im scared, and frightened but i like him. and i want to stop thinking these nasty things about him but i just dont know what's true or not. is he really an alcoholic? cuz he is incredibly smart, says witty things and seems so lucid. i am so confused. ARGH. love is a * * * * *. Link to comment
Emmylu Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hey teacup, I think you are more aggressive than you realize. You kind of have to be to survive in the workplace. But in dating, it takes the form of power and control, which is a hunger type feeling sometimes mistaken for longing and love. How to get out of this one? You'll feel vindicatd if you get the final control, then you leave while you're ahead. You wait for that opportunity when he asks you out, then YOU reject HIM. That's how you're gonna walk away. (And don't worry, he'll be okay) Link to comment
DN Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hey teacup, I think you are more aggressive than you realize. You kind of have to be to survive in the workplace. But in dating, it takes the form of power and control, which is a hunger type feeling sometimes mistaken for longing and love. How to get out of this one? You'll feel vindicatd if you get the final control, then you leave while you're ahead. You wait for that opportunity when he asks you out, then YOU reject HIM. That's how you're gonna walk away. (And don't worry, he'll be okay) One of the more heartless ideas I've seen on here. That would come under the heading of 'using someone'. It would work for anyone without a conscience. Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 You know teacup, some red flags are popping up in my head and, unfortunately, I htink you might be ignoring them. I mean I read your other post and if this is the same guy, you are probably feeling that strong attraction because (like many of us) we get this strange sense of attraction/lust for people that aren't right for us. In fact, it's the same type of people over and over again and it just sets us up for the same problems we have had in the past. You said yourself (if this is the same guy) that he lacks goals and ambitions, he is in poor financial state and he drinks too much. He acts aloof, yet you still keep coming back to him. I don't think I am mistaken that this is probably a pattern that you have acted on in the past. Take a look at it yourself, onjectively and just try and figure out if this is similar. As far as being alcoholic yet still being smart and witty. That has nothing to do with it. Many incredibly intelligent and talented people are, and have been, alcoholics. There are functional alcoholics that can hold down very successful careers while juggling all other facets of life. The problem is, until they address their alcoholism, they don't think right. They see the world an entirely different way than sober individuals and it is not a healthy way either. Link to comment
cinders Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 "he found out i went out with his friend for 2 dates at the same time (i made out with his friend too).....it was drama!" I think after that he didnt give a **** about you then went on dates with you anyway cause he thought he may as well try to get into your pants, which explains him coming onto you strong at the movies. Link to comment
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