so confused....really need help

[cinderella jones]

ok so as most of you know my x has always been trying to get back with me..and I've been good in saying that I am seeing someone else right now....but he has been after me for two years and once again is really claiming his love for me.... he actually told me that he understands if I don't want him anymore..but he feels that he needs to try once more with me b/c he thinks I am the one that got away. He sent me an email with an article attached that was written about that very same thing.."the one that got away"...and it made me think about how short life is and in the end of it all ...who would you want to end up with.....now I know the person I am seeing is very sweet...he has a good heart...but I mentioned before how we have a chemistry problem in the bedroom....I have tried to talk to him about this and told him how I think that he may not be that into me..and that perhaps just because we really like each other..maybe he is just not crazy about me....I know for a fact that if this man and me had chemcial reaction in the bedroom I would not look back...but truth is we have a problem..and it doesn't look like it will get better...I am scared..b/c I think I may have to stop seeing him....and I guess I feel bad b/c he is sweet...but isn't a good sex life important? He doesn't even really go out of his way to see me as much as I would like him to either..just to note....which i think at this early part of our relationship..is an issue...there didn't ever seem to be a honey moon period...I mean he never really swepped me off of my feet so to speak..never tried to impress me really....

Now as for my x goes....it has been two years...and we had major chemistry...he claims now that he is so ready to be the man I want him to be...and that he truly feels that he will never find someone like me again...he really believes that he will end up with someone who really loves him..but that he feels he will not be able to reciprocate the same and that he will just be settling at this point of our lives....the article he sent to me I will attach for your reading......what do you guys think of him sending me this...should the fact that he has been after me for two years mean something deep?....also is giving him another chance...stupid....we broke up b/c of lots of drama...but it has been two years..is it possible that he is sincere..and is this something not to ignore? what doI do...I don't know if I want to lose my x...suddenly i am scared that he will settle for someone else...and eventually forget about me completely....i don't know what to do...I have never been so confused in my life...yes we had major drama b/c of his stupidity...but if he is willing to try again...should I validate that...especially b/c I too hurt him towards the end b/c of my vindictive nature....but he claims and admits to being at fault for my actions b/c he thinks he pushed me to that point..so he is basically admitting all of this....please someone help! see the article that I copied pasted........

The One That Got Away

Source: The Manila Times

By: Mark J. Macapagal

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person, with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person; there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequential, become deal breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of th at fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect. They might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It will work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, and you finally understand who you are and what you want. And you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids. It doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away is the first person you think about. You'll think about them because y

ou'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is, the biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Beli eve me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment. One which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got aw

ay" means that you'll always wonder what if you got that one.

Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know. I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that ALMOST got away."

[VeganBohemian]

It isn't love if sex (or lack thereof haha) is getting in the way. You obviously just are not compatible with him. It is okay!

[DN]

But do you love your ex? Or is it just the sex that you are remembering because you feel deprived of it now?

[cinderella jones]

yes I do believe I do love my ex.....I am just really scared to admit that becasue of all of the hurt and pain we went through..I am scared to be vulnerable with him again..and get hurt again ..and also I am trying my best not to misconstrue my emotions...the man I am seeing now..I do care about him very deeply...but sometimees I think that its just not passionate enough...and I hate that I may have to hurt this person...he is such a great guy....still so confused

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Ultimately you have to go with your heart. I hate to say this, but maybe it's time for a break with your current boyfriend if you feel this way about him. Some time away might help with figuring out what exactly it is that YOU want and what you're willing to risk to get that.

 

You don't have a easy decision ahead of you. Go with your heart, the heart wants what the heart wants. Trying to justify something against your feelings rarely ever works. At least in my experience.

[cinderella jones]

Yes you are right...thank you so much for your advice. I am glad somsone finally agrees with me telling me that this decision is difficult. My family thinks its easy....they are really upset at the fact that I am even thinking about my x....but they don't understand how well we clicked....my fault of course because when we had issues I only gave them the ugly aspect of the whole situation....

 

I only question why it is that my current love interest does not show his desire for me as much as I would like. I guess some people are just not as passionate....at least that is what he tells me. The weird part about his reaction ( my current love interest) is that he thinks everything is fine..but then again he is the only one being really pleased here physically...I mean I know that to love someone means more than sex...but isn't a healthy sex life standard for a healthy relationship?

[justkeeprunning]

You need to be sure to keep your situations with the two men separate. How you feel about your current boyfriend and whether you stay with him or not should have nothing whatsoever to do with your ex. If you're not happy or compatible in the way you need then you need to let the man go. Don't drag things out just because he's a nice guy - you're never going to stay with someone with the prospect of a lifetime of bad sex.

 

Only once you've let go of your current situation and had time to find your balance can you consider your ex. There's no reason you need to be bouncing between men - you are allowed time by yourself to find yourself, which is important as you seem a little lost.

[Juha]

If you don't follow your heart you will regret it for the rest of your life...

[7out102]

Cinderella Jones-

 

 

That is truly an amazing post about the one that got away. My ex broke up with me almost two years ago and I will always feel that she will be the one that got away. She has recently come back into my life and i guess you can say lead me on and made me believe that she wanted a second chance. She came back strong with almost a year of NC. You can read my post I started in "getting back together". However I guess she was just lonely or between boyfriends, i dont know. Anyhow follow your gut, because yoru ehart can mislead you. Mine did. I have dated other women since then but at night I always fall asleep thinking of her. She is the one that the letter you added talks about. She will be the one that got away. Like I said do what you feel is right and dont let others influence and most of all do what will amke you happy in the end.. Good Luck too you.