it's almost a case of confirming what I already know...

[ncallum]

It's a girl who I'm great friends with, who I get on really well with and someone I'd like something to happen with.

Anyway, it's possibly doubtful she feels the same. She's single, but she was telling me last night about a guy she fancies.

 

I was crushed by this as I've admired her for so long.

 

I work with her, but feel like she doesn't know the real me because I'm quite shy around her, even though I'm not naturally shy.

 

I need to make it clear to her (without seeming desperate) that if there's any chance of anything happening I'd be very keen. How I can do this is very difficult. Do I tell her? Do I drop hints that aren't so subtle or do I just forget it. Either way, my decision needs to be made by tomorrow afternoon as we go for a drink at lunchtime and this is my platform to suggest something....should I actually bother.

 

What do you guys reckon?

Cheers

[tranquil]

I think that you should tell her that you are looking for a relationship right now, and then list some traits that you like, that she has, and knows she has. That should tell her that you like her at least a little bit. Or if not right away, shell probably end up thinking about it over night, and then realize that she has some of those traits. I don't know if you'll actually find this useful, but it's what I would do If I liked a guy and wanted to tell him without TELLING him

[friscodj]

I think that you should tell her that you are looking for a relationship right now, and then list some traits that you like, that she has, and knows she has. That should tell her that you like her at least a little bit. Or if not right away, shell probably end up thinking about it over night, and then realize that she has some of those traits. I don't know if you'll actually find this useful, but it's what I would do If I liked a guy and wanted to tell him without TELLING him

 

I agree, good insight...

 

But if she's talking to you about other guys she's attratced to, that's not a good sign at all...

 

Can't hurt to talk about it like tranquil says, but don't get your hopes up too soon I'd say...

[DaMadHatter]

I don't agree that you tell her you're looking for a relationship right now. You might scare her away even if she was slightly interested, but listing some of her good traits is a great idea.

 

You're obviously stuck in the "friends-zone" which is sometimes impossible to get out of, and the fact that she's mentioning guys she's attracted to shows you've go an uphill climb. But hey nothings impossible.

 

What you have to do is let her know you're interested in her as more than just friends don't forget about it, c'mon take a chance. Worst thing that can happen is she says no and you're exactly in the spot you are now. If u want to be more than just friends let her know.

[ncallum]

DMH, can you suggest a word for word way of saying that please? Whilst I inevitably must come accross as pathetic for asking this, I've never been in this position before as relationships generally grow naturally.

 

Cheers

[DN]

He said there is a girl he fancies not that he was going out with her.

 

Ask him out - quick. Don't mention the other girl.

[DaMadHatter]

ncallum,

If i were in your position i would go one of a few ways

 

I would a) during lunch casually veer the conversation towards relationships, attraction, dating or whatever, something along those lines. I would than tell her i respect her opinion and I wanted her advice.

 

She would obviously say sure at which point i would ask her that you have a friend who has all these great qualities and you'd be interested in more than just friends with that person. That you've got a lot of great qualities this "friend" of yours hasn't seen and all u would need is a chance. And that u respect your "friend" very much and the last thing you'd want to do is put your "friend" in an awkward position. And u want to tell your friend how u feel but don't want to make her feel awkward. How would she advise u in letting your friend know how u really feel. IMPORTANT when telling her this make full eye-contact!!

 

Usually this is when you'll get your answer. If she's a bright girl as i'm sure she is she'll realize your talking about her, and according to her response will kind of give u an indication on how she feels. This way it doesn't COMPLETELY leave u flying without a net and doesn't make it awkward. If she gives u a positive response than I would continue by saying. Well "insert friends name" in that case i want to let u know that your that friend who's qualities i admire and respect and want to know how u feel about that. At this point she'll either give u the go ahead and u can pop the champagne, shoot u down gently with some sort of "i like u too much as a friend" speech, or get brutal and verbally murder u on the spot.

 

option b) would be during lunch once again veer the conversation towards, relationships, qualities in partners, gf/bf etc. This time talk about how the girls you've met lately don't have the qualities you're looking for and you're looking for someone with some of your qualities. At this point say something like "I have great qualities, i can be funny, charming, honest, loyal, and irresistibly good looking". IMPORTANT!!!! when you say this do it in a very confident manner smiling the whole time, than laugh and say well maybe i'm getting carried away, what do u think? would u say i have those qualities?

 

She'll without a doubt say yes probably smiling or laughing (if u delivered it right) At this point i'd say smiling and eye contact "well than tell me why havent u and i gone out yet?....not as friends?" This is when she'll let u know how she feels.

 

More than likely she'll say i dunno to which i'd say well than in that case let me take u out this weekend or whenver, on a real non-friend date. This way next time i ask u why havent u and i gone out yet? u can at least have a list of things to say" Once again when u say this do it smiling, almost laughing. From here she'll know your for real and if she asks if ur for real let her know u are. She'll let u know how she feels!

 

Ooh I just saw that by the time you read this you'll probably have already had that lunch with her, so my suggestions might be useless. If that's so sorry bro. However, if not than arrange another lunch or drinks with her and go for it. Either way my suggestions aren't a manual feel free to adjust any which way you want. Remember be confident, flirty, smiling, and go for it your life is what u make of it. And in case she shoots u down play it off like it's no big deal and don't do anything different at work or she'll feel uncomfortable. Hope any of this helps either way keep us updated. Luck!