She is slowing down my healing

[whatif]

I have been in NC with my EX for more than two weeks now. I did some beggin and all other stupid stuff in the first two weeks. It has been more than a month now. We work in the same building but in different departments. Guess what, the other day I was walking by her work area to go to another unit and she called me over to her to tell me about an interview she had. Although I was really happy about the fact she called me over, I think it slowed down my healing process. I was working on a system on the floor yesterday and she walked up to me and told me about the interview results. Unlike before I didn't feel nervous and I didn't care about impressing her. We had a short conversation and she left. I was dreaming of her last night and I am feeling that emptiness again. But I WILL not break NC though. Is she doing it in purpose so I don't forget her or is she trying to come back to me? She is extremely pretty and I don't think any guys ever ignored her before. Should I tell her not to talk to me? (but I kind of want her back though)

[chai714]

Although I was really happy about the fact she called me over, I think it slowed down my healing process. I was working on a system on the floor yesterday and she walked up to me and told me about the interview results. Unlike before I didn't feel nervous and I didn't care about impressing her. We had a short conversation and she left. I was dreaming of her last night and I am feeling that emptiness again. But I WILL not break NC though. Is she doing it in purpose so I don't forget her or is she trying to come back to me? She is extremely pretty and I don't think any guys ever ignored her before. Should I tell her not to talk to me? (but I kind of want her back though)

 

She's likely not trying to "slow down your healing process." The process of detachment takes time and every person adjusts to it differently. Many people like to stay close but usually it's more difficult for the person who wanted to stay together. If you can't handle contact with her, cut her off. You can always talk to her again later when you're more healed.

 

Also, don't think that any person can slow down your healing process. You are in control of your life. You choose who you have contact with, when, the duration, etc. Emotions often cloud exercising good judgement, but remember that you make decisions in your life and thereforeeee, you're in control. While your ex may affect you, she's probably not trying to "bring you down." Most people have good intentions, so give her the benefit of the doubt. Stay away from her for now and focus on further healing up. Good luck.

[brando]

I agree with Chai on this. You are in control of your life, your thoughts and your feelings. I know it is difficult having your ex see you on a daily basis, and for her to talk to you and shre about her life can be difficult as well.

 

This is a good time to look deep within yourself to figure out why you think she is slowing you down.

 

It probably just opened that wound again, and it really isn't necessary to blame her.

 

be well,

brando

[gratefulpain]

thats a tough one.. ont the one hand you dont want to seem like a jerk by being short with her and aloof.. but on the otherhand you dont want to bring back old feelings and go back to square one...if you know for fact you will not reconcile.. i would just be consistent all the time... distant but not super cold.. if the conversation looks like its going to get lenghty act like you just got a call on your cell and have to answer it and say we'll pick this up another time.....consistency is the key