Harder to talk over the phone?

[drdread233]

It's been a month since I've been out with my gf. Whenever we talk on the phone, they're not so chatty, same thing if we chat online. But when we actually see each other, it's completely opposite. Anyone else just find it more difficult to talk over the phone?

 

I used to get worried that we just had slow conversations in general and that was a sign or something, but it's just whenever we talk on the phone. But yeah, does anyone else get this?

[Markers]

phone is tough because you don't know what's around the other person so that you could comment on it. You don't see the person you're talking to etc...

[icechilly]

i find it extremely hard because i rely totally on peoples facial expressions when talking

 

talking on a phone is like riding a bike blind

[wlfpack81]

I know I'm a better person at getting my thoughts out on paper/typing on PC etc. I hate phone convos period or convos in person w/others (unless it's on certain topics I'm good at like sports).

[prozzack]

on the phone you can actully feel time tick away while you ahve nothign to talk about in person you can talk about whats around and on messenger you can pretend to be away

[Desperatelover76]

I find it hard to talk on the phone because of people around me is it like this for you.

[orgasmictofu]

I find it hard to talk to ANYONE on the phone except for immediate family. It is especially hard to talk to my boyfriend on the phone. It's so much worse with him because he works way up north in another province and has no internet access. When I talk to him on the phone, there's this lag, and sometimes an echo, and he talks quiet so I can barely hear him. Just totally works against us (ie, me). We now mostly text message eachother and that works great.

 

If the conversation works in person, then I wouldn't worry. You could also use it as an excuse to hang out with them in person more often!

[ShySoul]

On the opposite end, it can be harder in person. If you are shy then being in person can put more pressure on you. Any silences you have to deal with the person looking at you and you wondering what to say. Online you can say you are looking at something else and are distracted. On the phone you can come up with something silly to pass the time, like comment on what is on TV at the time. But in person can put on more pressure.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I've never been a phone person. I perfer talking face to face, you get so much more from the visual cues from the other person. I'm also very into eye contact and the connection you get from being physically with the person. I've only ever had one long conversation on the phone and that was with a friend who moved 5 states away and I missed dearly.

[Dutchy]

It is good that you can have a conversation with your gf in real life. Too bad that yu can't talk to her on the phone, but try to see it from the bright side. It would be not so easy if you could better talk on the phone than in real life! (like me sometimes)

[monsieur]

I saw George Costanza do this and it was so me I had to laugh......

 

anyone else make notes before they phone up a girl so that they are prepared with things to say when it for sure gets awkward? and when the notes run out they end the call?

 

I am so stilted and nervous that I dread the phone calls, and if I am not prepared with notes it is like the nerves completely shut down my brain and I just go blank (it happens sometimes in person too).

 

It is a big problem if you are trying to be attractive to someone, I know it's cost me many potential good relationships.

[ShySoul]

monsieur,

 

It's ok to be nervous. She is probably just as nervous. The key is not think and go with the flow. In preparing topics you are putting pressure on yourself, constantly reminding yourself that you will run out of things to say and turn the girl off. If you believe that is what will happen, that is what will happen. But if you go into it believing that things will go good, then things will go good.

 

I was just watching a show yesterday where a character, Kirk, had a date. Kirk is super serious and stilted. To prepare for the date he did a test run at the diner they were going to go through, trying out every item to maximize crumb to sweater ratio, videotyping the conversation so he could take notes on what was good and wasn't good. He made notes of topics to talk about. But when the date came, he didn't use a single prepared topic and just went with the flow. The girl ended up liking him not because of what he planned, but because of who he is.

 

The same can happen to you. You just have to believe in yourself and go for it.

[swedeace]

In general, I also find it difficult to carry on prolonged conversations over the phone. I am not a phone socializer. I have no problem answering the phone at work when an instructor calls and needs help/has a question because it is short and gets to the point and bam....the convo is over. When it comes down to friends/co-workers calling me, I find myself just using smaller vocabulary like "okay, um, ahhh, ohhh, etc..."

 

I know myself too well, and I find myself jotting down notes of what to say so I would keep the convo going so it wouldn't feel awkward. I've even done that with a friend of mine via voice IM chat. He's the only person I would make an effort to do voice chat with. And I have also done the "talking about what's on TV" with my friend, as well. Hey, it works!! We were watching the same show and laughing together. That was fun!

 

What's interesting is this same friend said something about this voice vs. writing thing that makes sense. There is just no real time to think when you are on the phone/voice chatting and real-time IMing. In writing emails, you have the option of thinking what you want to write and modifying messages as necessary before you hit the "send" button. It's more difficult in voice to backtrack or think. So true.