Suicide

[pcsdrummer]

First I want to comment on a lot of the other posts here. You know what? If you are sitting here writing a post talking about "I am thinking of commiting suicide", you need help but not because you are actually going to do it. You are just looking for someone to respond to you.

 

I have tried commiting suicide many times before, but I wanted it as painless and non-mutilating as possible. Tried cutting my wrists, but that hurt too much and now I have a scar. Tried hanging myself. Tied a rope around a bar and attempted to sit down with the rope short enough so that my butt couldn't touch the floor. Saw everything blackening out and thought it was a sure thing. Woke up gasping and scared and laid on the floor crying. I've tried running my car in the garage twice. Both times I ended up with a real bad headache and couldn't fall asleep. It was hard to breathe. There wasn't even enough oxygen to light my lighter. Last night I picked up a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of whiskey. I know just sleeping pills wouldn't work because I have tried that before also. Granted, I was so out of it. But that didn't do the trick either. I can't talk to anyone either because it would ruin my job. It has before because when I went to the doctor complaining of excruciating pain in my stomach, he didn't believe my excuse. The real reason was because I took a bunch of pills. I was told after about 4 counseling sessions that I was fine and if I tried it again, they would kick me out of the military. You know, I even tried calling one of the numbers listed in this forum tonight. It took me three times of calling and hanging up before I decided to actually talk to some one. When I did talk to someone, she told me I should call another hotline as that was the "CRISIS" hotline and said good luck. Needless to say I won't call that number. Eventually someday I will be able to do it right. I said a long time ago that I would be dead by the time I was 25, so I guess I have 6 months to figure out the right way. So much has gone wrong with my life and eventually it will all be better.

 

If you are going to respond, please no religious stuff. I don't believe in religion and never have. But I guess I can blame that on my dad getting hit by a drunk driver when I was 8 and losing my best friend because he got a pear stuck in his throat the same year while sitting next to me. And please don't write that I should see someone or call someone because I CAN'T see anyone and I definitely am not going to try calling again. This wasn't a cry for help because I don't want it. I think it was just a way for me to put down in words a little about me that no one I know will ever find out.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Whoa dude, back the eff up.

 

I'm sorry bro that you're hurting deep down. This sounds corny, but suicide is not the answer.

 

What are you running away from?

[Kamue]

Hunny, is there nothing you feel you can live for? No friends or family? a pet even?

I mean, even living for yourself is a good idea. You sound like you're concerned for yourself, considering you want to go painfully and quickly. Sometimes its the smallest things that can make life a bit more bright.

I hope things work out for you. You dont deserve to die.

[Max Jax]

Sometimes it helps to write it because it just clears your mind and gets it all out, instead of feeling so stuck inside you. I don't know what to say to much, because you killed all the "standard" responses people give on here, so I am just gonna talk honestly, ok?

 

I have attempted suicide many a times.. I started when I was 12 and got raped by a pastor and well that sorta killed the religious side of it.. I slit my wrists... I have attempted many other times since then, seriously that 99% of people would have died from it. I don't honestly know what I am still alive.

 

I hadn't tried in a few years, but this year has been * * * *ty. My dad died in May after suffering terribly from cancer, my uncle died the week before, my bf cheated on me, my best friend stabbed me in the back and hurt me deeply and just 9 million other tons of * * * *.

 

I was so freaking depressed and just didn't wanna deal with it anymore. I called the stupid suicide line, and like you I kept hanging up at first. Finally got the courage and stupid lady I had really. She pretty much told me I was selfish and think of how it would effect other people.. I got off a lot closer to it. I cut myself and slit my wrists after taking a bottle of ambien and some xanax and morphine. I lived. Again I lived. I don't know why...

 

I got sorta the same sort of thing, where I can't seek normal means of help because of my career and what I am going into. I gather you are in the military? That has to be close to impossible to get help that you need with that.. Although honestly, I don't know how much they help, or even care.. Life you said 4 times.. I have had similar things.

 

I can't offer you words that will help.. I can't tell you what to do, because I don't know.. but I do know I have a lotta similar junk in my life and one thing I can do is be someone to talk to and listen. If you want to talk lemme know, I have lotta IMs and email and all that stuff.

 

As much as I know you don't want to hear the ussual junk this had helped me in a lot of ways, I don't even know who said it, or exactly what the context of speach it was said in:

 

Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.

 

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.

 

And honestly I believe those.. Its the harder than anyone can know times that make you who you are... And I hold on for that spring. Those times to be pleasant..

 

Like I said.. Want to talk, let me know.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I've only tried to commit suicide once, I was five years old, and I held a knife to my throat. I couldn't to through with it. Ever since then I've thought about suicide so many times.

 

Lately my thoughts go to suicide as a way to escape the pain and humilation of adultery and divorce. Sometimes i think of using suicide as a way to show the world how much I really am hurting deep down. Someone who was suppose to be the love of my life, and was suppose to love me till death do us part, turned out to be a big piece of crap, and it hurt a lot.

 

My crux is that logically I know that my life is getting back on track. But there is this lingering feeling that I will never be happy again. Why bother going on living?

 

I guess for me, its trying to have the courage to stick things out and hope that in the end, all this pain and suffering would have been worth it.

 

I don't know what your story is bro, but I wish you would reconsider seeing someone for help. I know that every person is worthy of living a happy meaningful existence. I don't believe you're an exception.

[pcsdrummer]

I would like to respond, but I can't. Because no matter what I say someone will always be there saying, "Don't do it. Life is so great." Not mine. Like I said, I am not looking for help. I don't want it. I just want out.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Can I have your stuff?

[Max Jax]

I would like to respond, but I can't. Because no matter what I say someone will always be there saying, "Don't do it. Life is so great." Not mine. Like I said, I am not looking for help. I don't want it. I just want out.

 

 

Life isn't great. It downright sucks. Anyone who says that life is always great is a big fat liar. I don't know why life carries such deep and painful hardships.. But you have to learn from it.. I know the saying what doesnt kill me makes me stronger is over said, but honestly.. I have been trying to take my past hardships and present ones and fighting like hell to get out... Somedays I can't get outta bed, its so overwelming... But eventually I do..

 

Like I said my dad died of cancer and I saw how hard it was for him to go through, so now I work with Wigs for Kids to help children that are fighting like that, to have a little hope.

 

I was raped as a child so I am a counsilor now for children in the same situation.

 

I am bipolar and dropped out of hs, so now I teach GED classes to those with mental illness in hopes of helping them to get outta their hells too.

 

You gotta just take it, no matter what the situation and see how you can use it to help your life or others..

 

 

I dunno.. Like i said if you want to talk more lemme know. I am not looking to preach at you. Just saying what has helped me try to rationalize all this * * * * in life.

[lgirl]

hey LostInMyThoughts

 

Sometimes i think of using suicide as a way to show the world how much I really am hurting deep down. Someone who was suppose to be the love of my life, and was suppose to love me till death do us part, turned out to be a big piece of crap, and it hurt a lot... My crux is that logically I know that my life is getting back on track. But there is this lingering feeling that I will never be happy again. Why bother going on living?

that's EXACTLY how i'm feeling these days, so although i'm sorry to hear you feel like this, i'm glad as well b/c at least it makes me feel like i'm not the only one (family don't want to hear about it b/c it brings them down + i am too proud to tell friends...) - sorry! the bit that's really messing me up is that there's nothing i can think of that will ever make me happy. it's like my ex's betrayal and destruction of our r/shp has knocked something out of me, like my 'light' has gone out, even tho' in some ways i'm now better off without him. but logic appears to have deserted me. i can't find good reasons to go on living - the only thing stopping me is i'd hate for my ex to hear i'd killed myself!! am hanging on most days by a thread of self-pride, but that's it

 

anyhoo, sorry for the long reply. just want you to know your post struck a chord with me. i really understand where you're at. wish i had the answer(s) to help you. let me know if ya stumble accross anything that helps - i could use some advice big time!!

[Darketernal]

Life is supposed to be hard , that's how you learn. You are selfish and selfcentered and don't realise how much this will hurt your loved ones. No matter how deep a soul has fallen , there is always a way out.

 

Time for you to rediscover life

 

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[Bethany]

First of all I'd like to say that everyone is different and not everyone wants to mulitate themself, poision themselves, hang themselves, gas themselves etc etc like you, even though they are having suicidal thoughts.

 

They are looking for someone to talk to, for support, understanding and help. They are doing the best they can, suffering severe depression through loss, bereavement or traumas beyond they're coping ability at that time, just feel like they can't go on. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to to others at a time like that and it is the BEST THING they ever did.

 

I think it's a crying shame you didnt find this site a long time ago so welcome to Enotalone and how can we help you?

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Ok babe i dont have a clue wat you are going through but i do know this some where out there someone really loves you you may not even c it at the moment but its true and think of this if you leave maybe that person will never be happy again! I know it sounds incredibly corny and stupid but babe im telling you its true ok! so please dont hurt yourself and i am sure people are ther 4 u!

 

love always rozi!