Love your body

[millaj]

I've read a lot of posts lately about people who aren't happy with their body or self-esteem. I have a friend who runs this website and I thought you would like to read it. The address is: link removed - pretty simple!

 

There are tons of great resources and articles to read. I just want you all to know that you are beautiful, and you can be happy and healthy at any size. As long as you are healthy, that's what matters the most!

 

 

[Jonboy582]

I best give this a read. I am soo self consciouse of my appearance and am not satisfied with my body. I also know I have no reason to be as I have actualy been complimented on it. But I just can't expose myself, I mean I get embarased going swimming so I justdont go anymore.

 

What I read so far I have tried but that was only 1 article.

 

Thanks for the advice im sure itwill help many

 

Jon

[millaj]

Hi Jon, i'm glad that you are going to read this website, and I really hope that it helps you. I am a big woman, and I grew up with very low self-esteem, but for the past few years i've accepted myself - you can do it, and as you mature you will realize that there is no "perfect" body.

[TiredMan]

Hi Jon, i'm glad that you are going to read this website, and I really hope that it helps you. I am a big woman, and I grew up with very low self-esteem, but for the past few years i've accepted myself - you can do it, and as you mature you will realize that there is no "perfect" body.

 

I don't know if I would go that far. I'm a bit older than you and I do think there is a "perfect" body out there. But I also understand genetics plays a huge role in that. That being said, I think pretty much anyone can get in good enough shape that they would be happy with it. What "good enough" is, however, is very individual to how the person thinks. I know, for me personally, I work out very hard. To the point that I injure myself A LOT because i work out so hard.

[CarnelianButterfly]

There is no perfect body. Beauty is a subjective concept that varies from culture to culture. In the US the media has popularized the 'thin is in' look and a vast majority of the images we see are touched up and false. Women shouldn't have to invest their time in being some idealized form of beauty, there are a hell of alot better things to do, like say dust the lightbulbs. Men shouldn't spend stupid amounts of time wasting energy lifting weights either. You want muslce, atleast do something productive to get that way, work at a lumber yard or something. Frankly if you're hurting yourself to get that way, then you have a serious problem. Your health should in no way take back seat to being hot.

[TiredMan]

I don't think it's a problem. I like being in good shape if I can. Nothing wrong with that. Yes, I get injured because frankly, I'm cursed with that. But I'm not gonna avoid it for that reason. I mean don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm injecting steroids or anything.

 

Men do have it tougher than women in my opinion though. Women can be considered "hot" by just being thin. Men usually have to not only be thin, they have to have muscles too.

[RayKay]

I don't think it's a problem. I like being in good shape if I can. Nothing wrong with that. Yes, I get injured because frankly, I'm cursed with that. But I'm not gonna avoid it for that reason. I mean don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm injecting steroids or anything.

 

Men do have it tougher than women in my opinion though. Women can be considered "hot" by just being thin. Men usually have to not only be thin, they have to have muscles too.

 

 

Just some points...

 

"just being thin" is what leads MANY women to killing themselves in slow and horrible ways with eating disorders. Have you ever looked at a pro-ana site for example, where they have ghastly pictures of dying anorexic women posted as their "thinspiration"? That is what these women end up aspiring to and becoming in the pursuit of "just being thin" as it is never good enough.

 

At least if you are building muscle you need to eat and work out to build that muscle....women "just" become thin by starving themselves, depleting their bodies of nutrients, overexercising with cardio.

 

I would say neither has it "tougher" - each sex can be influenced or feel pressured by the media and social pressures around them in different ways. However, it is something that definitely is affecting girls and women far more, at far younger ages...as children. Yes I know boys & men are also succumbing to the pressure of being muscled and fit, and so putting in their time at gym and pursuing cosmetic enhancements and so on to fit that ideal, but to say it is "tougher" is certainly unfair.

 

I for one, battled with eating disorders for many years, anorexia and other ones I won't even get into. I almost died. I had a friend whom DID. It was a long journey and I am still "thin" but I am also very athletic and toned - I lift weights three times week, I run 3-4 hours a week, I mountain or road bike 7-8 hours a week, and practice yoga about 3 hours a week. I also make sure I am eating healthy and frequently to keep up that level of activity to remain competitive and build muslce mass. So I am also a HEALTHY thin. But it's not "easy" to do. Sure a women can be "thin" but not necessarily in a healthy way. Women are more likely to retain weight around their tummies and hips, the "fertility fat" they need in order to conceive, and they risk their health and even lives in order to lose every bit they can. Remember phen phen? There are numerous women whom die from starving themselves, from diuretics, from "miracle" drugs like phen phen to be "just thin". I know very few women whom are a healthy "thin" whom don't spend many hours at the gym, watching their portions, lifting weights (women do...they just don't "bulk up" as easily as men do). It does indeed take work.

 

Being "thin" is not an easy task for women whom are hormonally mapped out to retain more fat in the very areas that society tells them is the wrong place it should be! Girls hit puberty, and they automatically think they are fat because they develop hips and bums that they are told are not appealing, as they can no longer fit into a size 0.

 

I certainly am not promoting anything BUT a healthy lifestyle. It's very important to me FOR me to do so, and for me to feel good about myself, but I certainly think it is unfair to say men have it "tougher" given just what women do to achieve that "just being thin".

[RayKay]

Women shouldn't have to invest their time in being some idealized form of beauty, there are a hell of alot better things to do, like say dust the lightbulbs.

 

 

I do believe rather then thinking of it as investing in an idealized form of beauty, one should think about investing in their health. Living a healthy lifestyle - one that is active, and with proper diet, is not only about how you look, but also about cutting the risks for numerous illnesses and diseases one can get. It's an investment in YOURSELF that too many women I think forget about. Heart disease is the number one killer in people in North America....women are high on that list too. Most of these could be prevented with healthy diet and exercise. Many cancer risks are also increased by poor diet and lack of a healthy lifestyle - gastrointestinal cancers, breast cancers, etc.

 

Too often women put themselves last...their families, work all come first. But the fact is, if they are not taking care of themselves, they won't be around to take care of everyone else in the first place.

 

I would rather invest in my health then dust the lightbulbs anyday!

 

And yes, a benefit of it is I look good, I am of a healthy weight, I am toned, and am quite confident. Am I the "ideal"...probably not since I am still short, still not what the ideal "is" when I see it...but I am ideal for "me" if that makes sense!

 

Men shouldn't spend stupid amounts of time wasting energy lifting weights either. You want muslce, atleast do something productive to get that way, work at a lumber yard or something. Frankly if you're hurting yourself to get that way, then you have a serious problem. Your health should in no way take back seat to being hot.

 

What is wrong with going to the gym really? Nothing at all. Lifting weights is shown to increase bone density and prevent osteoporisis. It reduces the risk of injury to joints and decreases risk of fractures. It has effects on your cardio health as well.

 

Injury happens when you are not doing it correctly. There is a lot more risk at a lumber yard then at the gym.

 

If it was that bad, people going through physiotherapy and rehabilitation would not be put on weight and exercise programs. Weightlifting is also part of most athletes training - whether they are swimmers, runners, pole vaulters, bobsledders - to improve muscle strength, balance, coordination, efficiency.

 

I am female, but I lift weights. It has reduced my injuries from the sports I do (cycling and running), has improved my speed, it has improved posture and taken away any ailments I had in my back by strengthening back and core. And yes, it has improved my tone - I have a back and shoulders and arms I love to show off. So is it "a stupid waste of time"? No, because I want to put that time into myself as I am worth it.

 

Investing in your health and fitness is not unproductive if someone CHOOSES to do it, it is rather unfair to discount it as a waste of time. It is also possible to train efficiently so its not so much about wasting time, as maxing the best of limited time.

[TiredMan]

You build muscles by eating but you also get fat that way. So after getting bigger by eating, then you have to go on a cutting cycle of diet and exercise. Otherwise you end up looking like those strongest man contests where they are big and strong but fat TOO. I don't even want to explain how hard it is to run 2 different diets at all times. One diet is hard enough. So I definitely feel it's tougher for a guy to look like what is seen as sexy.

 

I've been going to the gym for many years and I do see women there but they don't lift with the intensity that guys do. I'm sorry they just don't. It's not even close. Not just the heavy weights, which is obvious, but the intensity. To build muscle and not tone up, you have to really go beyond the point of failure. It's just a different thing.

 

Look at it this way, compare male and female fitness models. The women could get in that shape in less than a year. A guy to be that big and cut takes many years even IF his genetics allow him.

 

I am by no means, saying to be thin for a woman is easy. I understand it's not but I don't think it compares to having to do both at the same time (muscles AND thin).

 

This doesn't even take into account metabolisms. There are people out there who will remain thin eating whatever they want. Those women don't have to do a thing. Those men, to get muscle, have to work 100 times as hard to gain anything.

[RayKay]

You build muscles by eating but you also get fat that way. So after getting bigger by eating, then you have to go on a cutting cycle of diet and exercise. Otherwise you end up looking like those strongest man contests where they are big and strong but fat TOO. I don't even want to explain how hard it is to run 2 different diets at all times. One diet is hard enough. So I definitely feel it's tougher for a guy to look like what is seen as sexy.

 

I am very aware of how muscle is built, and that there is a fine line. My boyfriend actually lived with a bodybuilder for many years and followed the same diet and exercise with him...so I AM aware of what goes into it. I know very well they also basically starve themselves prior to a competition and dehyrdrate themselves as well.

 

The fact is that most men don't do that, because even bodybuilders know you cannot do that year round as you would kill yourself.

 

I basically run two different diets too, I have to use the one so I am getting the nutrients I require to keep up to my activity level, but I also have to limit how much I actually eat so as it does not end up with me gaining fat as my estrogen levels would want me to. Actually add in fact I am trying to also be on a "cancer prevention diet" and I am juggling three of them.

 

I've been going to the gym for many years and I do see women there but they don't lift with the intensity that guys do. I'm sorry they just don't. It's not even close. Not just the heavy weights, which is obvious, but the intensity. To build muscle and not tone up, you have to really go beyond the point of failure. It's just a different thing.

 

It's all proportional. For me, squatting just my body weight is the max I can do at this point (120 lbs). For bench press my max is 75% of my body weight. No, that is not as heavy as the men can do (which is often over body weight) but the fact is unless women take testosterone or steroids, they cannot lift the maximums men can as there muscle simply does not build the same way, the point of failure is before the equal point for men. I DO go beyond the rate of failure. I do circuit training and cycle my training for both endurance and bulk regularly. I DO build muscle...I have quads, hams and glutes I am awfully proud of (and yes I do work overall body). I work out with training partners whom are lifting with the "intensity" as you describe and I am right along with them at different weights of course.

 

Yes, I know the women you are talking about whom are just toning, but I also work out in a gym with many female fitness competitors and bodybuilders and I can tell you they can outdo many of the men I see. I am not one of them, but they are out there.

 

So, sorry, but you cannot just say as a whole women are less intense. And it is not like I "don't know" what it's all about because I certainly do.

 

Look at it this way, compare male and female fitness models. The women could get in that shape in less than a year. A guy to be that big and cut takes many years even IF his genetics allow him.

 

Fitness models are different then bodybuilders. For fitness modeling women have to still retain their feminity, and so they can with dedication get there in a year. It is a very different aim. I have three friends whom fitness model and they find that there is always someone going to be more fit then them, it always depends on what the client is looking for.

 

I am by no means, saying to be thin for a woman is easy. I understand it's not but I don't think it compares to having to do both at the same time (muscles AND thin).

 

I have both muscles and am thin. Am I bulky? No, but I certainly do lift to failure, and have some pretty strong muscles that are well defined. Look at my training schedule above, it's not "easy" by any means. I am spending 2-3 hours a day on working on it and I do work very hard. I sacrifice a lot of other things (like dusting lightbulbs..lol...) to do it, but it's important to me and I work hard. I don't make excuses, I just fit it in. The aerobic component and how I eat keep me thin, the gym work, and intervals, build my muscle and power.

 

This doesn't even take into account metabolisms. There are people out there who will remain thin eating whatever they want. Those women don't have to do a thing. Those men, to get muscle, have to work 100 times as hard to gain anything

 

I agree, there are some lucky women (though it is rare it does not catch up to them at some point, and it is still affecting their heart/arteries/health if they don't watch it). There are also some lucky men whom build muscle a bit easier then others. It's very hard as a female to build muscle even if you are going to failure and cycling your training because your body simply does not produce the testosterone that men have that aids them in building muscle.

 

I have been going to the gym a long time as well, and I can see two people with the same program, and one guy builds pretty fast, the other one stays thin. This may be partly diet, but a lot of it is also their genetics. You can't change the genetics you have but you can work them to your advantage. Some men may not be able to bulk up, but not every girl wants a bulked up guy either. Just like not every guy wants a waif thin girl. You can still be in great health for your height and in great shape for your body. It's foolish to think a man whom is 5'6" is going to look like Arnold, or a woman whom is 6'5" and big hipped and breasted is going to look like Kate Moss - yet people still try, rather then work with what they have.

 

Further on the metabolism, because men do build muscle easier, they can increase metabolism easier. Women can't, so it's much harder to boost it up. And most of them self defeat by being worried about gaining weight, so they don't eat enough, lose muscle and can slow metabolism...it's a fine balance for women as well.

 

We each have our own challenges, but I think it's rather unfair to make general assumptions about how hard women have to work or not, based on what you have seen at your gym, for example. I don't think 15-20 hours a week in workouts is "easy".

 

But we can just agree to disagree, I think everyone works hard if they truly want to work hard, and if they are truly working hard to attain what they want and what is their "ideal" I don't think it's easier for either of them.

[TiredMan]

How many female bodybuilders do you actually see at the gym though? They are there once in a while but it's not common. Squatting can be rough, especially with weights. I have been there once, and have seen guys do it where they squat intense weight to the point of vomiting. I have had that happen (only once with squatting though) a few times. You just go so hard.

 

So you are basically either an endomorph or ectomorph or somewhere in between. Some people gain size easier but they have a very hard time staying cut. I have a friend who goes to the gym 5 times a week, uses many supplements like creatine, eats A TON, and is thin. He is in great shape but can't gain much size at all. Then I know another guys who can get huge with minimal lifting but he can't tone up.

 

The percentage of men doing bodyweight exercises is VERY minimal.

 

I don't think what I have said is unfair. There are exceptions to everything but I believe my initial point still stands. A woman just has to be thin, while a guy has to be thin AND muscular to be in "great shape" by standards of society. This is just fact.

[RayKay]

I don't know, at my gym there are about 4 women whom do compete in bodybuilding competitions, and there are several fitness competitors. There are about an equal number of male bodybuilders where I go...most go for general health and strength. All walks of life go to my gym though. I imagine many women would not feel as comfortable in some of the more classic "bodybuilder" gyms.

 

I still think it depends what "great shape" means to you though too, and I think over the years the emphasis has been more on "training smarter and more efficiently" so one can do it smarter and with more precision then it used to be. I personally find people with "functional athletic strength" more attractive then those with bulky frames. Others think the opposite. It does not mean one is in greater shape then the other...I just prefer functional strength and overall health. There are too many people whom bulk up but would fall over if they ran 100m, and too many cardio queens whom are going to get osteoporisis if they don't ever pick up any weights.

 

My only point was that it also takes a lot of work to be thin, at least in a healthy way. There is an increased pressure now for women to also have nice abs and be able to carry off some of the "trends" which does require more effort then being thin alone. Just like it can be hard for a guy naturally think to but on muscle, it can be hard for a woman with a natural disposition to carry more fat to be thin and it will take some extra work. Just different means and methods, but one is no less strenous or hard. I have not lifted to point of throwing up, but I sure have run/rode to point I have both in practice and in racing...

 

P.S. Your squatting talk reminded me of the guy whom squatted in a competition once and um...had a prolapse of his colon basically......saw the pictures once which were rather horrid! And something I care to never see again!

[Jonboy582]

I would say it is easier for a female to be seen as the misconception of "hot" than a man.

 

My reasoning for this is that a woman to look "hot" only has to loose weight. Becoming bulimic and anorexic and being very skinny is NOT HOT. Quite frankly it disgusts me I would prefer a 500lb woman than someone who looks like there a prisoner from Auschwitz.

 

But a man he has to train VERY VERY hard. Lift weights which is strenuous, but you cant break for too long or your effects decrease quickly. We also have to diet at the same time. I work out on a semi hard basis and that's hard enough.

 

I concur that it is VERY hard for both sexes but in my (maybe bias) view that men do have to work harder to achieve what they want as they have to do everything a female does and add heavy weights on top of that.

[Jonboy582]

So you are basically either an endomorph or ectomorph or somewhere in between.

 

You forgot Mesomorph.

 

I have a friend who goes to the gym 5 times a week, uses many supplements like creatine, eats A TON, and is thin.

 

And I know you know allot about this stuff but when you said this I have to say one huge reason for this is because he is over training. Fair enough creatine helps reduce the time for muscle recovery. But and a huge but at that. He is still over training. Your muscles need at least 48 hours to recover from a good work out and he not allowing them that.

 

Also after time he will not see any gains as about every month or so it is best to have like a 2 week gap to totally recover then start again.

 

I know too agree some people put on muscle more than others I know this from experience as I’m one of "the others". But he is over training. Tell him to go to gym 3 times a week and I am pretty sure after like 4 months he will see more gains than he has done in 12 months training.

 

I know all this as I have studied sports science at school and currently studying it at University. What I said is the bear bones of what happens and it summed up. But believe mean what I say.

[ShySoul]

As this has turned into a debate on what constitues a "perfect body" and other related issues, I just wanted to make sure people still remember to check out the link millaj posted: .

 

Thank you millaj for posting this. I am sure that lots of people will make good use of the site. It is important to love our bodies as it is, and not think we have to live up to some ideal of what constitutes a perfect body. The way I see it, as long as you are healthy, then the perfect body is the one you have, because it is yours. And besides, who you are on the outside doesn't make you beautiful, it is who you are on the inside that makes you beautiful.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Well, whether or not its a men vs women issue I don't know. I know there are obvious physical differences and I know that most human bodies have a peak for physical performance.

 

I am not at my peak but would love to be.

 

Men seem to find a different body type than my current one attractive and I, like a lot of other women, want to feel like I look good. Even if that is brought on by what society dicates. That's where I am, that's what I want. Plus, for me, I used to be so thin people made fun of me. MAN what I wouldn't give for that now...

[TiredMan]

Well those who want to get big or muscular, "pay the price" from what I have seen. People who are bodybuilders have to take it to the point of barfing or they just won't grow.

 

But anyway, back to the point, females who are built vs. males with muscles aren't even close. Built meaning muscles. Just the way it is and I stand by the fact that males have to do double the work to fit the mold of what is seen as "hot".

 

Anonymous, he isn't overtraining though. He was doing the 3 days a week workout before and it did nothing. He goes 5 days a week but only does one body part so he is in and out quick which is actualy very optimal. He doesn't spend an hour + at the gym which so many do. Doing that will almost guarantee minimal gains.

[Jonboy582]

Well those who want to get big or muscular, "pay the price" from what I have seen. People who are bodybuilders have to take it to the point of barfing or they just won't grow.

 

But anyway, back to the point, females who are built vs. males with muscles aren't even close. Built meaning muscles. Just the way it is and I stand by the fact that males have to do double the work to fit the mold of what is seen as "hot".

 

Anonymous, he isn't overtraining though. He was doing the 3 days a week workout before and it did nothing. He goes 5 days a week but only does one body part so he is in and out quick which is actualy very optimal. He doesn't spend an hour + at the gym which so many do. Doing that will almost guarantee minimal gains.

 

My appologies I was not awear of the whole situation. And I think im almost as bad as your friend. (just realised I work out 5 times a week). Mainly upper body work and alternate between muscle groups. But I see very little gains and it gets anoying as im built like anouther one of my friends and he does F all exercise. probably anouther reaosn why im uncomfortable about my body.

 

That site was kind of usefull thanks for it. Unfortunately not changed my view.