My EX from a Year and a Half Ago Still Bashes Me To People

[Angel Irulan]

when he gets the chance! We had a bad breakup, he cheated on me, and I caught him with someone. Of course, when I found out about her, she found out about me. At this point, I wish I'd never met this fella. He's not particularly respectful of our past history, and any of it's privacy. While we both said some pretty hurtful things, I think he just went completely overboard. My problem is not that I think I can speak to him and he will shut up, I know he won't. We've both moved to different areas of our state, and you would think I would not hear about much, but I did, and it makes me really uncomfortable knowing that he's ouit there spewing filth. Any suggestions on how to deal with this man's bad mouth should it ever come up in the future from someone else?

[LuvstuffNStuff]

I know its not right of him to be doing that, but he is trying to make himself look and feel about a situation he knows he messed up in, its his only way of justifying what he did.....As long as the people that he is talking to, know there is two sides to every story, and they know the truth, they will just let him ramble about the mouth, or better yet, tell him to knock it off...If you are still able to speak to him, I would confront him about it, and tell him, "hey, what we had, never worked, its apparent, but whats dones is done and now its time we both move on, and I would appreciate it if you did not talk about me badly to my/our friends, its rude and I would never do it to you, regardless of the fact that I would have that right, but I am not about to sling mud on something I cant change" if he cant accept that?? than that really shows the mentality of this person, and I would consider the source. Good Luck to you

[novaseeker]

It's just something you have to accept unfortunately.

 

After a break-up or divorce, each person has their own "story" that they tell others (and themselves!) about what happened and why. Often, the other person, if they heard this version of events would be very upset by it, and would disagree totally with it. But you can't stop them from telling their version, to be honest. It's something they will do, and the best thing you can do is not worry about it, try to make your own version of what happened the most objective version you can, and rest comfortably in the knowledge that you know what happened and why.

[hellokittykitty]

My ex's -ex used to do that to him and still does. She dumped him and moved on to a guy she's been dating for year. Even though she has no intentions of ever speaking with him again or getting back together with him. She turned all their mutual friends against him...

 

Now that I am the ex, I can see why she does it. He pretends to be the innocent guy, who did nothing wrong. Doesn't admit he might be at fault, he thinks she's the bad one because she dumped him... but in reality it's the fact they spent 3 years together and when she dumped him because he had been putting himself over her for over a year he wouldn't admit he was at fault.

 

I am really angry at him now, I used to hate her, but now I see the true guy he is and I don't blame her for purposely trying to hurt him back the way she felt when he wasn't paying attention to her.

[chai714]

The only way to deal with this: in one ear, out the other.

 

You can't control what he says. You can control what your friends tell you to some extent though. Politely ask those "informants" of yours that you appreciate the news, but you would rather not hear about his problems. Afterall, he is the one having problems, not you.

[novaseeker]

but now I see the true guy he is and I don't blame her for purposely trying to hurt him back the way she felt when he wasn't paying attention to her.

 

Well, to be honest, doing that is pretty immature and self-defeating. Once a relationship is over, it's pointless, vindictive and self-defeating to try to "hurt someone back" for what happened in the relationship. People do it of course, but all it does it hurt themselves by keeping themselves focused on the pain of the past relationship instead of moving on, and it's also pretty immature. I'd hardly recommend it.

[hellokittykitty]

Yes, I agree it's immature... but if you've been hurt, sometimes even if you've moved on it feels a little good to know the other person is hurting.

I don't reccommend it, I'm just saying...

[Angel Irulan]

So you are saying here that I probably deserved the bashing I got?