Making her Happy

[CHobbes]

Earlier today, my girlfriend told me that I need to use my hand more when we're kissing.

 

Generally, I just put my arms around her waist as if we're slowdancing or something, but evidently that's not enough. But she didn't really elaborate.

 

What else can I be doing with my hands while we're kissing?

 

Next thing she mentioned was that I don't always have to kiss on the lips.

 

I'm 17, and quite frankly, she's my first relatively serious girlfriend, and I have never kissed someone anywhere other than the lips.

 

I sort of know what she means, but I'm not sure how to go about starting it.

 

Any help?

[coach]

Tell her you want to make sure you get this right and let her guide you to the spot she has in mind.

[ShySoul]

How did she say this? It's probably that she wants you to go faster or try other thing, and she wants to help guide you there. Though just telling you like that isn't the best way she could have done it. Would have been better if she showed you while you were kissing. Or if she was rather demanding about it, thats not really right about it.

 

But what she probably wants is for who to try new things. I know how unsure it can be to kiss someone just on the lips, let alone anywhere else. When kissing is new to you, there are all kinds of doubts and uncertainties that go through your head. First thing is to relax and realize that you aren't going to mess up. This comes naturally once you relax, believe in yourself, and let yourself get lost in the moment, just enjoying each kiss.

 

Stay simple. Holding her waist is a good start. Maybe try brushing your hand along her cheek, holding it and cupping it in your hands. Brush the hair from her face. Run your fingers softly through her hair. Place a hand along her back and gently caress up and down her spine. Take her hands in yours and give a gentle squeeze. I think touching in most places feels good, just make sure to be gentle about it. Soft, delicate carresses can help make the experience more pleasurable and romantic. Just don't be grabbing all over her or touching in places you shouldn't be touching.

 

Kissing other then the lips.... can be scary. But again, as long as it is gentle and not in inappropriate places, I don't think you have to worry about much. Start around the lips. Place a kiss on the cheek. On her forehead. On the neck. Whisper or blow into her ear, blow onto her skin softly. That can be very arousing. Kiss her hand and kiss up her arm to her shoulder, neck, and finally end up on the lips. Things like that can help intensify the moment.

[Iceman26]

Dude, kiss her neck. She will most assuredly dig that. The ears can be a good one too. Make the ear kisses dry ones though. You could give her swimmers ear if you tend to be a drooler.

 

I suggest you try copping a feelski. Cup a buttcheek or give the boobies a gentle rub. If she gets pissed off, sheepishly grin and say "Well, you told me to use my hands"

 

As for when to do it, well, when you are in the midst of kissing her.

 

Good luck!

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Uh, yah, about that last post...... Don't do that. Like it's fine if you want to try new stuff, but don't say '"Well, you told me to use my hands"' becasue that might very well just piss her off. Just apologize and say "what would you like me to do....." and kind of leave it at that. If she doesn't say then you know you've gone too far and maybe should stick with the basics. But if she;s asking for more, then I don't see where that would be an issue. Just don't jump all over the place. Slowly moving to different areas is much better then all of a sudden gropping her. It also build excitement and gives her a chance to stop you if she doesn't feel comfortable with what you're doing.

[ShySoul]

Agreed, don't try to "cop a feel." That's clearly not what she means. And especially don't try and make out like she told you to do it. That's more likely to get her using her hands, as in a slap accross your face.

[Iceman26]

I hardly think that he should "ask her" what he should do. Not only does that create awkwardness, but it gives her all the control over the situation. I also don't remember saying anything about "all of a sudden groping her"

 

Why would she get pissed off at her boyfriend for doing something that is natural for two people in a normal, healthy relationship to do? If she did get pissed, then don't do it again.

 

I hardly think it is appropriate to tell a person who is volunteering time to "not listen" to someone else.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

I never said not to listen, I was just saying that from a girl's point of view it sounded as if you were advising him to go pretty fast. That is what the sentence "copping a feelski" seems to imply, and I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. I liked you first paragraph, I was just saying that from a girls perspective juping to the second one really suddenly seems like a bad idea (and I do realize i can't speak for all girls, im just voicing my opinion). And he should only ask her what to do if she gets all freaked out becasue then our advice was obviously not helpful and she is not being very claer about her wishes. I alos never said that you said to grop her, I said that he shouldn't, becasue when moving really qucikly in a heated moment it is easy to do things in a not-so-delicate manor. Also, I was not saying to give her control of the situation. If she can be as up front to say that she would like hm to do something different and he asks what that is, then he should easily be able to tell her what he would like in return.

[ShySoul]

"Copping a feel" implies gropping or at least touching in a private place. Unless a couple is really close and have been seeing each other for a while, that is likely to be interpreted as rude and disrespectful. I doubt it is what she meant when she said she wanted him to use his hands more. The best things are worth waiting for. If you are patient and give her what she wants now, she'll give you what you want later.

 

Also, if you are trying to maintain control in something like kissing, then you are missing the entire point. In a kiss, neither person is in control. A kiss is all about breaking down walls and forgetting about things like power and control. It's about opening yourself up to another and sharing the feelings you have for each other. If anything is in control, it is the feelings of love that exist for one another.

[Iceman26]

Point of fact is she didn't explain what she meant when she said that he should kiss somewhere else and use his hands.

 

If a girl said that to you ShySoul, would you automatically think that all she meant was to touch her face or kiss her cheeks and forehead, or run your fingers through her hair?

 

She made an open ended statement by telling him that, because she didn't clue him into what it was she wanted.

 

She is as likely to view him touching her as a turn on as she is to think it is rude and disrespectful. She is his girlfriend, not a stranger.

 

Thusly, I believe in "trial and error". If she doesn't like what he tries, (based on the fact she told him she wanted him to do more) I have little doubt that she will voice her displeasure if he does something she doesn't like.

 

A kiss can have many different meanings, and not every kiss is going to be like a line from a romance novel.

 

As for my line about copping a feel, well, it is a rather roguish way of putting it. I'll try again.

 

"Delicately run your hands along the soft contours of her buttocks, and squeeze oh-so-gently"

 

I would never tell anyone to be rude about it, nor be grabby or violent. I believe that there is a gentle and non-threatening way to do it of course.

[ShySoul]

The other thing to think about in this case is what is CHobbes comfortable with? He is 17 and in his first relationship. If he is nervous about touching in places other then the waist and kissing in other places then the lips, how comfortable do you think he would be grabbing onto her butt (even in a gentle way)? I sense a person who is rather shy and nervous about all this, and for people like that it is always easier to go slow and work up to it. You have to crawl before you can walk. Take baby steps. Yes, a 27 year old who presumablY has experience won't be as self conscious about it. But a 17 year old with no experience is going to be too scared and nervous to just go for something like that.

 

When I posted that I was specifically thinking of my own experiences. I've found that giving girls the soft and romantic aspects is what they want. It makes them feel good and turns them on. I basically described an experience that I had in which the girl completely loved it. It was a case where simply my regular breathing could soothe her. Once you can please her to that point, with the romance, you would be surprised by the things the women themselves will initiate.

 

Yes, kisses can be rough and not necessarily the romantic kind. But do you really want to risk it? Why go for something that is likely to get her upset, when you can go for something that will surely please her? And why try something that you yourself is probably not comfortable with doing? Take it slow, one step at a time. We don't know how long they have been going out, so we don't know what's appropriate. If we found out they have been boyfriend/girlfriend for only a week, do you still recommend feeling her up? Or do you think that would be moving a little too fast?

 

Those things will come later. But it takes time to get to that point of mutual trust and for both parties to be comfortable with it. Clearly, he isn't so for know I think he should stick to kissing and touching in non envasive areas.

[Iceman26]

If he has never tried anything, then he wouldn't know what he is comfortable with.

 

I don't recall him saying anything about being nervous, I do recall him being unsure of what to do.

 

I don't sense a shy person, I sense a person with inexperience.

 

I have found that different people like different things. Some girls like romance, some girls dont. Some girls like doors being opened for them, some find it offensive. Do you get what I am saying?

 

I am not telling the boy to be rough with the young lady, but there is nothing wrong with having a little daring. And, as I have said before, she is just as likely to be turned on as she is being upset with him for trying anything. Why risk it you ask? Nothing risked is nothing gained. What is being gained is experience by trial and error.

 

It is not for me to judge what is moving fast and what is not. It is up to the two people involved in the relationship what is fast, and what is not.

[eriko]

I agree with Iceman. Grabbing her butt or lightly cupping her breasts JOKINGLY may lighten the mood, and possibly lead to more intense touching. The kid is seventeen, I'm sure the girl wouldn't mind being touched by her boyfriend.

[ShySoul]

A 16 your old girl posted to not grab. The girl in question is around that age. Wouldn't the best advice come from someone who is that age and female, as she would be more in touch with what a girl of that age wants?

 

In the end, do what you are comfortable with. And if you are nervous about where do put your hands, you may not be ready yet for what others are suggesting. You'll get there in time. What's the rush? The delicate feel of a woman's skin feels great, even if its not breasts or butt. Don't do anything you aren't ready to do.

[Iceman26]

Shy, no one is telling the guy to grab.

 

Also, the age of readiness is not age or gender specfic, I mean its not like I am telling him to jump in the sack with this girl, but I see no reason why there couldn't be a little touching going on, especially with the comment she made to him.

 

If a girl said that to me when I was his age, I (and I was pretty inexperienced at his age) would have taken the meaning that she wanted to get a little freaky deaky.

 

I agree with you to a certain extent, because if its really a big issue to the guy, then he should wait until he is comfortable with the idea of getting more intimate, but if the uncomfortability simply comes from inexperience, then I would say let those hands explore away, but of course to use caution and be gentle.

[ShySoul]

Correction: grab or touch in private areas.

 

I was inexperienced as well until very recently. But I didn't need the actual experience to tell me what to do, I just listened to what girls said they wanted. And they said to go slow, to not grab or even touch in those places. In doing that, they got comfortable, I got comfortable, and eventually, they just placed my hand there themselves. It came in time, when it was right. No reason to go by trial and error and risk her taking it the wrong way and getting angry. Gets you to the same place by going slow, and less risk.

 

The age thing was to say that there might be a difference in the way we are approaching this. Being older, you've got more experience and have done that stuff (I assume) on lots of occasions. So to you, its no big deal, just do it. But in those crazy akward teenage years, in our first relationship, most of us are nervous and frightened of even kissing, let alone feeling each other up. Age and experience generally go together, though not necessarily. Just saying that the advice given from someone of that age might take into account the feelings and mixed emotions people of that age go through more so then either of us older veterans.

 

When the time is right to go there, he will know. In the meantime, he should just do what he is comfortable with. Not putting down what you are saying, and if it works for you, go ahead. I'm just going off of what girls have told me to do. I respect your opinion.

[Coffee]

Slow and steady wins the race, make her want it! Pull back, look into her eyes, and go back in. Cut it short, make her want more. That is what she wants. If you do what she tells you too it`s kind of like ... awkward right? Like it is onething if she likes kisses on the ear and she tells you, but actually teaching you the mechanics of what you are doing is kind of ... robotic!

 

Try not to stress it!