Friends with the x - does it ever work out?

[jessicabrynn]

I thought I was over him, but now he tells me he misses my friendship. It was a 1 year relationship that ended because he wanted a change in his life. We were perfect for each other, but he made the decision and has stuck with it for 2 weeks now. I miss his friendship as well, but I am afraid that it will mess up the chances of us getting back together in the future. Can someone speak of a positive experience becoming friends your x boyfriend, and then ending up back together?

[dustinthewind]

DONT DO IT!!!

 

You are saying that you eventually want to get back together. He is saying that he broke up with you because he wants a change in his life. Does this make any sense to you? The only way for him to possibly realize what he is missing is for you to go completely NO CONTACT with him. He wants a change. so give it to him. Let him realize what life is like without you to talk to, hang out with, be friends with. he will not realize this if you are still constantly around him. SURE. Perhaps after some time has passed and YOU ARE COMPLETELY OVER HIM. which may take some time....and during that time you have done NC, then sure, why not be friends. But if he says he wants a change, and you hope that you will get back together in the future. THere is a slim chance that this will happen by hanging out and being friends. It will only cause confusion and upset feelings. You will probably end up getting hurt. Just think. any possible senario could happen. You could have had the best day "as friends" together, and in the back of your head you think "wow, maybe he is changing his mind and seeing what we are missing" but to him, it was just a fun day. you will constantly be looking for things that may not be there, constantly getting your hopes up, and constantly risking getting even more hurt. TRUST ME. the best thing that you can do right now is NC. You say he was perfect for you, but he wouldn;t have done this if he was. You need to take some time alone, and find someone who deserves you, and wont "need a change" good luck

[Pikey1972]

I agree completely with dustinthewind here - it's definitely best for you to go NC.

 

I tried to be "friends" with my ex for 2 months (immediately after being dumped by him). We hung out together once or twice a week; as the weeks went by, he became increasingly considerate, warm and friendly. Sure enough, I got my hopes up and thought we might have a second chance.

 

The next stage was frustration when I realised he was probably never going to pop the question of us getting back together. Looking back, I think he liked the fact that I was still there as his friend, listening to his problems, giving him advice, going to films together etc.

 

To stop further heartache and confusion, I wrote him a note last week explaining that, although I valued his friendship tremendously, I couldn't handle friendship at the moment (explaining why), and needed some breathing space.

 

I haven't heard from him since last week and have managed to maintain NC throughout. He may be chewing things over, or - more likely - he may have decided he doesn't want me back and is honouring my wishes.

 

Going NC is extremely hard, as everyone on this forum will tell you. But believe me, the heartache will only get worse if you continue seeing him and getting your hopes up. It's best to cut the cord now, no matter how painful it is.

 

I'm sure that in 6 months - 1 year's time I'll be able to be friends with my ex, but the emotions are too raw at the moment. My feelings swing from day to day, going from resentment to anger to love to pain to love and back to resentment. This isn't a healthy basis for a friendship.

 

Go NC and give yourself the opportunity to heal.

 

All the best,

 

Pikey

[newts]

I would love to, however, it very rarely happens.

 

Please don't get your hopes up, accept the relationship is over and move on to someone bigger and better.

[venus777]

i think you should not have contact until you are not hoping to get back together. i'm very good friends with an ex of mine, we are very very close. but we should probably have taken more time apart first, til we didn't have any attachment to each other, it would have made things waaaaaaay easier in the long run (and his girlfriend less jealous).

[metro_girl]

It's difficult to be friends with someone if you're really hurt and angry or wanting to get back together. NC is always best for a time. Want it feel great when he starts to really miss you? If that doesn't happen, you'll have moved on and met someone else.

[Jonboy582]

Me and my ex we tried friends, itworked for about 2 weeks the things got slowly and slowly worse. Now we really dont like each other and dont talk. So I suggest no contact wait until you have fully healed and then maybe go for a friendship. But do wait a long while.

[Midgi]

I tried to be friends with my ex at first over the phone, and then a year later we met up and ended up snogging and for 2 weeks it was like we never broke up. Then he did not talk to me anymore and started ignoring me? And when I asked him what was wrong he told me that we are friends and he would like to see me every 3 to 4 month but not every time. Gutted.

 

The friendship road does not always lead to getting back together, and might prevent you from moving on.

[hellokittykitty]

DO IT!

 

Sometimes you don't realize what you have until it's gone. If he's the one making an effort to be friends again then do it. If it was just you then no... sometimes people can be stupid and they think they need a change, but when they do make the change they see that their life isn't any better. They realize what they had and now value it even more. Give it a chance but be careful you don't bring up the "relationship" aspect until he initiates it. If he doesn't then you know what he really feels and you can then be sure to move on.

[jessicabrynn]

Thanks a lot for all the sincere advise. I have decided to go NC. I thought about it a lot and realized I can find a better man

[Benji86]

I became best friends with one of my ex's...it all depends on how the two people handle the situation.

[Jonboy582]

I became best friends with one of my ex's...it all depends on how the two people handle the situation.

 

I agree and one of you may handle it right but it also depends 50% on the other half. Thats where my friendship with my previouse ex failed. She had some kind of grudge against me and was un civil.