She seems unhappy with new bloke.

[Magic_Monkey]

Not sure if this is really in the right forum so sorry if it isn't. A bit ago I had a brief thing with a woman from work (I moaned about it here

 

Anyway, I'm not 100% sure when she started seeing this bloke but I kind of get the impression she stopped things with me cos she liked him better. It seems now ever since she's been with this new bloke she seems unhappy and miserable all the time. He does live about an hours drive away but I think they see each other a couple of times a week.

She's stopped coming out when we go out as a group. Last Friday the usual group of us went out and she stayed at home and got drunk on her own. A mutual friend is having a birthday party tomorrow and she's pulled out of that too, just saying she doesn't feel like it. Again, she's just staying at home. A couple of her friends have said she's been really strange and moody with them too and they're starting to lose patience with her.

I do still like her so I don't like seeing her like this. She probably could have treated me better but I'm not mad at her and I would give her another chance if she wanted. The thing is when I see her at work or at lunch and we talk we always get on fine and I can always get her smiling and laughing. It annoys me a bit cos I seem to be able to make her happy yet she's with this bloke who seems to make her miserable. I don't get it. I want to try and talk to her about it but I don't know how to go about it as I don't want to bring it up at work and she seems to have stopped coming out with anyone.

[passions_just_like_mine]

So the next step is for you to get her to like you better than him? how will you do that? Firstly you need to pull back on the friendship thing. I am not saying completely blank her because that will make you look bitter.

 

Everytime you see her you need to be casual about things and act busy, even if you are not. Say a brief hello or whatever then say that you cant stop because you have to be somewhere/anywhere.

 

Next you need to start dating or at least let her think that you are dating. You need her to view YOU as the prize to be won, not the other way round. She will never feel any kind of attraction for you if you are a) always available and b) showing an interest in her.

 

I know it is hard because you feel sorry for the situation she is in and you dont want to see her unhappy in her life but it is her problem, it is her choice, there is nothing you can do about it.

 

One other thing if you do talk with her and she brings up her relationship with the other man, be apathetic. Listen to what she is saying but dont agree or disagree with her about anything. Especially if she is saying anything negative about the new man. Try to paraphrase her and use reflective listening only repeat the things she is saying. Reflective listening usually involves using phrases that begin with "so if I understand you correctly, you are saying" then paraphrase her or "it sounds like you are feeling" then again paraphrase her. Do Not use your own words or guess at what she is feeling because 9 times out of 10 it will be wrong.

 

I repeat do NOT criticize or put down the other man and start dating.

 

Passions