learning self-control? ie one less cookie, go exercise, enough with the video games

[robzombie]

Hi everyone! I had a really long post (yes, even longer than this one!) written out, but deleted it in favor of a more straight-to-the-point one:

 

I have next to no self control ](*,). I cant stop eating chips (or whatever) ("just one more") and cant get myself to exercise regularly, so im out of shape, so i get low self esteem, etc... i cant get myself to get up in the morning, or go to bed on time at night. this causes me to be tired which makes me be antisocial, etc... i cant stop playing videogames, which ive done for hours and hours on end...

 

basically, i have a whole lot of problems deriving from my lack of self control, social, physical, medical, emotional, you name it. I can sometimes get myself to live perfectlyish for a day or two, but it gets old fast and i find myself back in the old routine...

 

What im looking for here is really any tips or techniques that have worked for other people to allow themselves to be their own masters, and do what they know needs to get done. (i.e. to help me not start my homework at midnight even though i have nothing important to do all afternoon). or something to motivate me to keep excercising daily once i start. starting isnt the hard part, its keeping it up for months that is. any suggestions?

[wind]

Ok...

#1 you have to make an appointment with yourself about your time management;give yourself a hard punishment if you're failed ex:75 push ups

#2 find yourself a rival,partner and a motivator(friends are the best),find someone that have same problems like you,ask him/her to change together

#3 don't just sitting and thinking that you want to change;take an action,do what you can do ASAP

 

think you can do it?then do it now...

wish you succeed ;]

[RayKay]

Studies show that when someone can make a change and stick to it for 5 weeks, it becomes automatic and part of their lives.

 

Honestly hon, YOU have to be responsible for your own self control. By believing you "can't" do it, you are already giving up before you even try! It is your thinking that is your biggest foe or friend at this point.

 

Once you start, you have to promise yourself to stick to it. If it helps, find a buddy to workout with. Write your exercise and food intake down in a daily calendar or journal - as it keeps you accountable, and is also rewarding to look at the exercise tally week to week. Make sure you DO take a day or two off every week so you don't get burned out. Don't make any food "off limits" but do monitor your serving sizes/calories. Make healthier choices more often.

 

Set smaller attainable goals. Instead of saying "I am going to stop eating chips" say "I am going to limit eating chips to twice a week". Instead of saying "I am going to lose 50 lbs" say "I am going to train for a 5 k race". By doing that, little steps, the bigger goals will follow.

 

Get rest, drink lots of water, set daily goals and time to do your homework and make a promise to not play games until you are done. Tell your family of your choices/changes as again it will have you more accountable.

 

Ultimately, if you stick to it for a couple weeks, you will FEEL better, feel less stressed and more in control, and you will want to do it. But you have to make the choice to GET there and MAKE the changes first!

[wingstofly]

Instead of working to control yourself, I would lovingly suggest that you put some thought into whether you are living the life you want to live.

All of the things you speak of not being able to control are 'consolation prize' stuff, as in, since I am not doing what I really want to be doing, I'll do this instead.

when we are living lives we are excited about and fully into, we do not even need to exert self control to keep from these types of behaviors.

 

Are you doing what you want to be doing? Or are you living someone elses idea of what you should be doing? Do you realize that there are infinite possibilities of what you can do with your life? Want to live in Hawaii or Jamaica or someplace fun and exotic? Do you wish you lived by the ocean or near a mountain or in a cool city with lots of fun things to do? Do you love to dance or write or sing? Are you doing those things that you love on a regular basis?

I believe the answer to your troubles lies in making your life more your own, making choices for yourself and not others in where you want to live and what you want to be doing.

this is your life, your opportunity to be who you want to be. Give yourself the gift of living in the way that makes your heart sing. Dont settle for anything less.

[capbit]

-Don't buy junk food, and you won't eat it.

-Look at yourself in the mirror and ask, would I date this person? Work out/exercise to fix that.

-For homework, find a suitable environment to work in without distractions. My school's library is where I go.

[Killasasparilla]

If you're playing on an xbox, you can set a time that will shut it off after a certain amount of hours.

That helps greatly.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

I agree with RayKay.

What she said reminded me of a quote I read once:

 

"If you think you can't, you're right. If you think you can, you will."

 

 

I'd also like to point out that the hardest thing to do is START something. Once you get your feet a little bit wet, it just gets easier and easier to go all the way under

[rocio]

apparently the study people did a study and found that we have a limited amount of self-control. In other words, if you restrain yourself in certain parts of your life, you will let loose in others. Decide what is really important to you and focus on controlling that. Let yourself enjoy life. Potatoe chips are yummy.

[talo]

Instead of working to control yourself, I would lovingly suggest that you put some thought into whether you are living the life you want to live.

All of the things you speak of not being able to control are 'consolation prize' stuff, as in, since I am not doing what I really want to be doing, I'll do this instead.

when we are living lives we are excited about and fully into, we do not even need to exert self control to keep from these types of behaviors.

 

Are you doing what you want to be doing? Or are you living someone elses idea of what you should be doing? Do you realize that there are infinite possibilities of what you can do with your life?

 

Well said Wings, and welcome. Yes, to do what one wants - good advice. And in so doing we often do not get what we want, but in such doing we learn one more thing to not do and so modify our wanting - and so on it goes. Such is the iterative procedure or cycle for 'getting' what we really want.

 

Rob, life is not a process of self control, limitation and the like, it is a process of doing what you want and seeing what happens, an exploration if you like. This exploration is exciting as one is always taking one more (maybe small) step into the unknown and so learning something with each step; so each step is taken with new knowledge that enables modification of what we want at each step.

 

Life is not a process of doing what you want, say eating chips and playing videos and then noting that you are feeling terrible and then doing the same the next day because one does not know 'what to do about it'. One does something different or differently - anything, but something - this is the way one learns. And one gradually learns what sort of actions actually makes one feel better or ok.

 

What im looking for here is really any tips or techniques that have worked for other people to allow themselves to be their own masters, and do what they know needs to get done. (i.e. to help me not start my homework at midnight even though i have nothing important to do all afternoon). or something to motivate me to keep excercising daily once i start. starting isnt the hard part, its keeping it up for months that is. any suggestions?

 

One is a master by being a master of observation, of observing the consequences of actions or inaction and then modifying actions and then reobserving and so on in this iterative cycle.

 

There are always choices (modifying actions) available. You take the choice that makes you feel better or ok, and you only know what makes you feel this way by progressively making the choice that you do not know the outcome to (and thus gaining experience).

 

At times in my life I know that I have to make a step into the unknown as all other choices are just not attractive. Such a choice is obvious (eventually), there being no real alternative. Often after the action is taken, I am 'swimming' but it is fun, enlivening. You also 'know' or 'see' when you 'have to keep at' something because the alternative is just plain not attractive at all - in other words, you will 'sink', become dispirited, dejected, out of sorts, feel worse or not ok. Such is learnt by the above iterative cycle.

 

Each of us has our own choices to make. Others can say what has worked for them, but in the end we each make unique choices which make us feel better or ok. When one feels ok all the time, one is making or has made the right choice for oneself. Such 'choosing' becomes more or less automatic, or obvious. Such a one is in a very fine state (of balance).

 

I have had a look at some of the previous threads that you have started here and you appear to be an 'instant fix' guy. The instant fix you need is to to be observant of your self, your motivations, your changes of state, your attitudes, moment to moment. It is by observation of ourself that we learn.

 

With best wishes,

[kuiks8]

what you wrote absolutely spoke to my soul...Thank you for this...I took it and pasted it in my notes so I can read it over and over again...

[thirdeye]

Hi,

 

I can actually say that even I am suffering from this self control deficiency.

For that matter everyone suffers from one or other self control problems.

God has given us this life and has entrusted the responsibility of choosing the type of life we want, with us. Whether you like it or not, thats the truth.

 

In certain aspects I have excellent control and in some I have zero control.

I came accross an article which talks about the concept of Diminishing Distractions.

We always associate our activities with pleasure or pain. It obviously gives us a lot of momentary pleasure in video games. There is pain in waking up early in the morning from the sleep and start exercising.

Our taste buds want more of chips and other junk food. Eating friuts and vegetables instead of chips is painful.

In the battle between painful and pleasureful activities our mind does not think about the end result of an activity. We need to rate the activities based on the end result. So a painful activity like jogging in the morning results in a good shaped body, where as pleasureful activity like over sleeping takes away the precious time early in the morning which results in a shorter day to do other important things.

Its easier said than done. I totally agree. But we shouldn't give ourselves other easier choices. In this life you do it right or you will get eliminated.

 

I am trying hard to follow a specific type of routine thats useful for my present life and paves the way for a good future life. But I am regularly irregular in doing that. Sometimes, in the battle of the titans (pain and pleasure) , the latter wins very easily. But I am continuing to fight.

 

Hope this was helpful to you.

 

Good luck.

 

Thirdeye.